Post # 1
Somethign that my FMIL said has been bugging me, and I wanted to get your input.
Background: her second marriage ended after 16 years because her husband had been having an affair for around a decade with mutliple women.
Comment: a good friend of hers–a woman who is sort of like a second mother to FI–has apparently been having an affair with a married man for about a year. It’s pretty common knowledge among her friends, I think, but I don’t know if anyone has met him. Anyway, when FI asked FMIL how things were going with her friend’s relationship, her response was “Oh they’re great. As long as she’s happy, that’s all that matters.”
Is it all that matters?
I guess I was just surprised that a woman who had been cheated on for so long would brush something like this off.
I told FI that I didn’t know whether she was planning on bringing her…lover? boyfriend? to the wedding, but that if she was I was not okay with it. He totally supported me on that, and said he disapproved of the whole situation, and was also suprised by his mother’s comment. I guess I just hope FMIL doesn’t ever encourage FI to cheat if that what would make him happy.
I don’t know, I guess this wasn’t really a post, I was just wondering how you all would feel?
Post # 3
I don’t know what to read into her statement although it’s an weird sitution so she might have just said that out of awkwardness. It seems like in the moment statement and I don’t know what if anything you should read into that statement.If your Fi decides to cheat it will be his choice and you can’t blame his mother for that because no amount of engcouragement could convince him to cheat if he didn’t intend on it in the first place.
As for this lady bring her lover to your wedding I so agree you should make it clear that she isn’t allowed to do do that.
Post # 4
I’m wondering whether your FMIL is just merely keeping out of her friend’s private choices despite not agreeing with them. Sometimes people will do what they do for whatever reasons they have and the people around them either accept it or move on. Maybe she’s just quietly accepting it because she has no other choice and therefore also wants to brush it off when talking to others about it? I’d like to think she’d be more emotionally invested if it was her son in the same situation, though. Her friend’s choices are not her responsibility, but I’m sure she’d be more concerned with making sure as much as possible that the son she raised is respectful in his relationship.
As for not inviting the married man, that is totally up to the two of you.
Post # 5
I agree with PPs. It sounds like your FMIL was trying not to speak badly about her friend. If she had raised her son to cheat if it made him happy, I’m sure you would have seen signs of that by now.