(Closed) FMIL's contribution

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would have him ask her alone. I personally would wait to do it in person, but if you two can’t I would have him do it over the phone. 

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Definately have your Fiance bring it up to her if at all. You already know this women is going into debt, why would you wish her to go more into it just so you can have more money contributed to it, that hardly is very nice.

I’m in a similar situation except with my side of it. Parents split up, and I know my mom is unable to give anything, it would be crazy to even try to ask, she’s on a disability income which isn’t much. My dad himself isn’t the best with his money, but between him and my grandparents I’m expecting something of a contribution, and I know they will give something I just  don’t know how to bring it up that i would like to know what approx it will be. I would really hate to do everything very small budget only to turn around and receive enough of a contribution from my family that could have allowed me to have some details I couldn’t have.

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Budget what you can afford to pay for your wedding yourself.

Surely, ‘a couple hundred dollars” isn’t going to affect your budget that much…. and, if it does, maybe you can “layer in” items so that you could add on a level if she offers you money (ie – upgrade to a better meat or increase from house liquor to premium).  That way if she can’t (or won’t) offer to help, then you are not in a pinch or having to re-do your budget at the last minute.

In either case, I think this is a conversation your Fiance needs to have, since it’s his side of the family right now.

 

I might suggest….. a good way to bring this up is when you are initially talking about the guest list and who gets how many invites…. You indicate that she has invited people…. is that definite?  Or can you go back and have  conversation…. we have budgeted for “this amount”.  If you want to add extra invites, the cost is “$$$” per person for everything we have budgeted.  Is that something you would like to do?  Or would you like to make different decisions on which (#) people you invite?

Again, that way you stick within your budget and you aren’t “dependant” on her.

Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@gardengirl4288:  Did she offer to help out?  If she didn’t offer, I don’t think that you can ask.

You can definitely tell her that she gets x number of invites and that’s it.  If she puts up a argument, I wouldn’t say anything about the budget.  I’d just repeat that that’s the number of guests she is allowed.  If you’re cool with her contributing to cover her guests, then let her…but again, she should offer.

Your Fiance should be taking the lead on this, but a lot of guys have complicated relationships with their family…or they just aren’t as…open with them.  I wouldn’t even ask my parents what they were contributing, but to be honest, they were completely upfront almost as soon as we got engaged.  

If his mom has offered to give you money, you can ask what she would like to cover or what amount she had in mind.  I think that’s completely fair.  

As for any unwanted advice: just say “thank you.  We’ve decided to do x”.  You don’t have to get into with her.  It’s your event.

Post # 9
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t ask either. If either of them want to contribute anything at all, let THEM offer it.

Post # 10
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My future inlaws are excited enough to invite 15 people, but will not be contributing anything at all… Surprised I am having a hard time just letting this one go!!

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