- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
So I’ve been actively planning our wedding for about three months, and for the past 2 I’ve been asking my Future Mother-In-Law for a list of all the people she wanted to invite. We are having a rather small wedding (aiming for ~50), and she originally told me her list was only about 20 people. I’ve known the list was going to be a copy of the one that she’d printed and given to her older son’s fiance when they got married 4 years back, so I thought she had a good idea about how many people were on it.
Nope, I just got it yesterday and even after scratching out the names of elderly spouses that had passed away and an ex-husband, the list comes out to over 50. I was sitting there when she was going down it, warning me which addresses had changed since the list was made up, and I did mention to her that we wanted a smaller wedding. She was sweet and acted understanding and pointed out 6 couples who probably weren’t going to make it and cut her husband’s work invitee count down to 1 from 3.
STILL. I don’t know what to do! With the exception of about $1000 from my mom, I’m paying for the entire wedding by myself. My Fiance is in school but I make decent enough money that I can have about $3000 saved up/set aside by this time next year. So our entire budget for our garden ceremony and barbecue buffet at the same venue is going to be $4000. My Future Mother-In-Law can be overpowering and demanding but she is sweet and well-intentioned and I like her. I don’t want to come across as Bridezilla-y but I don’t know most the people she’s invited.
My main dilemma points:
There are several people listed as “[former coworker] and family.” Can I just invite the former coworker, or at the very most the former coworker and 1 guest?
For the elderly friends of the grandfather who have lost their spouses, can I just invite them and not include a +1? They’ll know the grandfather, who’s definitely coming, and so won’t be alone.
How bad is it to put “and guest” or whatnot when I don’t even know the person or if they have someone to include as a guest?
Is it my responsibility to hunt down the new addresses for people who have moved? Or can I just tell my Future Mother-In-Law that if she can’t provide me with addresses, those people aren’t invited?
Finally, what’s a nice way to say “you’re not paying the $19 a plate, you can’t invite more than 25 people”? [EDITED TO ADD: my venue can only hold 80 indoors, so if it rains and everyone on her list shows up, we’re all going to be very uncomfortable. I guess that’s my main concern – I think she’d pay a little if I told her no on account of my budget.]