Post # 1
I feel so bad for Fiance right now.
About an hour ago, he got an EMAIL from his dad. In the email he said he wouldn’t be able to make it to our wedding.
He met with a surgeon to schedule shoulder surgery, got it scheduled and then once he got home realized he scheduled it 3 days before our wedding. He told Fiance that this would be the only time he would be able to have his surgery.
I call bullshit, but I didn’t say this to Fiance. I just tried to be supportive, but inwardly I am SEETHING. SEETHING, I tell you.
Why can’t he change the date? You are going to miss your son’s wedding? He can’t move it to the week after? A month later? This is all just okay? We’ve had our date picked for almost a year and a half! And he didn’t even realize until after he got home that he scheduled the surgery directly before his only sons wedding? I want to call my Future Father-In-Law and scream all of these things at him!!
Unfortunately, this is just one incident in a long line of times that my Future Father-In-Law has let Fiance down. His parents have been divorced since he was a little kid. His dad is an alcoholic and has had some health issues because of his drinking. His father vacillates from everything being fine between them (when he is sober) to getting mad about ridiculously stupid things Fiance ‘does’ (when he is drinking). FI tries really hard to just let it all go, but he must be a better person than I am. I would have been done so long ago.
I know my fiance is somewhat relieved his dad won’t be coming because you never know quite what to expect… but Fiance just sounded so resigned and beaten down when he told me. He said in this sad voice, “That’s just the way he is.”
I wish I could fix all of this for him, but I know there isn’t anything I can do.
Makes me so sad for him.
Post # 3
Oh that sucks! I know how mad you must be, hell, I am mad FOR you guys. Just snuggle close to your Fiance tonight and love him a bit extra. that’s all you can do.
Post # 4
That is terrible, just ridiculously terrible. At the same time, it seems like a blessing since your Future Father-In-Law doesn’t seem trustworthy enough for a big event like that. Still, I can only imagine the hurt.
Post # 5
@erincredible: it sounds like you don’t like your Future Father-In-Law very much. Better that he doesn’t attend.
Post # 6
@erincredible: I am kind of on his father’s side here… and this is why
1. Your wedding is in June, so1.5 months away. Realizstically, with surgeries, they do not perform them daily. It really may be the case this is the only time in the next 6 months or so he can have it done.
2. Depending on the injury… if it a rotator cuff injury, those are INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. I myself would have the surgery over attend a family member wedding just because of the pain.
3. He may still be able to come depending on how he heals. Perhaps just leave it as “well we hope you feel good enough to attend, we will leave a seat open for you”.
Yes there is a history and emotions aside… just looking at the surgery issue. He may be telling the truth
Post # 7
You had the date picked for a year and a half!!!
Move on with your wedding planning and try not to give this another thought….. 🙂
This is a reflection of him and not of you and your fiance……
Post # 8
@HisMoon: Exactlty. 🙁
@Aquaria: He can be a great, funny and interesting guy when he is sober, but I won’t put up with him treating my fiance like garbage when he is drinking. Honestly, I barely know him. He lives 4 hours away from Fiance and I and we don’t see him very often. We have gone to visit him 3 times, but he has never even bothered to come see us though we have invited him many times. I wish he were coming to the wedding for my fiance’s sake, because I know it hurts him every time something like this happens.
@JessSeny: I understand this. However, he didn’t even keep his own son’s wedding date in mind going into the talk with the surgeon. If it were important to him, you would think he might tell them ahead of time to see if they could work around it. But he didn’t. He lives 4 hours away, and said he won’t attend. I know Fiance responded with grace as he doesn’t want to give his dad any reason to be mad at him.
That is another sad thing, he handles his dad and his feelings with kid gloves to try to have any sort of relationship with him, but his dad has no regard for the way he treats his son.
@TypeABride2013: Gonna have to do this! I am just going to stay positive for Fiance and make the day great no matter what!
Post # 9
Hey, I think he should still be able to go to the wedding. I mean if you guys are at least in the same city. Even for just the ceremony. With good pain relief, and as long as he takes care and somebody to watch him. Maybe suggest it to him? And also tell the surgeon?
Post # 10
@Lenaya: Unfortunately he isn’t in the same city.
Post # 11
I think I would have to know what the surgery is for and whether or not it is something that needs to be done ASAP before I judge your Future Father-In-Law. I would think there would have to be some underlying issues for him to choose surgery over his son’s wedding.