Post # 32
You really need a lawyer or at least do lots of research on divorce laws in your state. I commend you for taking control of your life and making the decision that is best for you. However, no divorce is simple and he will get nasty once he realizes how long you’ve been planning it. He is going to feel used and get back at you. Depending on the state, you might be better off (financially in the future) if you take half the money now and file for divorce now. Again, depending on your state, the financial advice will vary greatly. Get some help.
Post # 33
Good luck and what ever you do, do not let him change your mind about leaving.
Post # 34
@MrsPeachMartini: I see your point except that she said she had no one in the area to stay with and her family could not help her financially at all. You also said that he deserves to know the truth and I thought that meant that you thought she should talk to him about what she was doing prior to leaving…if that was the case it would be very dangerous…it sounds like you left prior to telling him and I think she should as well for her safety. If you talk to a DV center they say the best way to leave and stay gone is to be prepared…even if that just means having all your personal paperwork in one spot.
For me I had to wait…I had 3 children and I was the only person to stand in between him and them…also if I had not been able to care for them (which means $) then they would have went to him completely unprotected….so many different factors and each situation is so different.
Post # 35
And neither do you–if she had indicated that he was beating and abusing her it would be different–although it still would not be advisable to stay it a dangerous situation
Sorry but I don’t believe in double standards, if a man said the same thing people would jump all over him for being a user