Follow up: How to bring up wanting to reset your engagement ring

posted 9 months ago in Rings
Post # 31
Member
860 posts
Busy bee

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embarrassedbeebabe :  So, you’re admitting that you want to mooch off of your Fiance to get what you want… Seriously? Who cares if you’re a student, you make less, you whatever. Take some ownership of this situation! You want something, so you pay for it! If you can’t afford it now, wait until you can. You aren’t entitled to his money. You have a deplorable and selfish mindset, bee. 

Advice on how to approach him: Don’t. 

Post # 32
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - Somewhere in Texas

Be a grown up and keep your ring. Don’t say anything to your fiance. The end.

Post # 33
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

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embarrassedbeebabe :  Did you get sticker shock when you tried on solitaires last night? I only ask bc in your other thread, you originally said that you would pay for a whole new ring by yourself.  If so, you can totally afford just a new setting. 

Post # 34
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

That’s what I’ve thought all along. I mean is a halo all that horrible? Lol 

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futuremrsspin :  

Post # 35
Member
4633 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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embarrassedbeebabe :  on your other post you said you wanted him to pay for the new upgrade for ‘sentimental’ reasons. Well now that you want to use the centre stone from your current set you’ve solved your ‘sentimental’ problem. That means your reason for wanting him to pay is null and void.

Change your ring by all means but seriously don’t have the cheek to expect or ask him to pay for your swap…

Post # 36
Member
306 posts
Helper bee

Hi Bee! 

My advice in bringing it up would be to say, “Hey, I know I originally told you that I wanted a halo and I really appreciate that you listened but I realized that I would really prefer a simpler solitaire design. I wanted to consult you on this before I made a change because I really appreciate all the thought you put into my ring and I know you were thinking of what I wanted when you bought it. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to discuss resetting it but using the stone you bought me because I love it!”

Post # 37
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

What size diamond do you currently have, and what do you want to upgrade to? I’m not sure if you’re aware of how expensive single diamonds are. A 1 carat stone starts from around 3-4k. A 1.5 carat stone starts at 8-10K. 2 carats can be 20k. So it may be more beneficial to play with the setting. Maybe you can add a second halo, or clusters? If you want a larger stone cut is also important. Emerald cuts appear much larger in comparison to their carat weight. Be reasonable about your request because the price is insane for upgrading and you don’t really want to end up spending 10k on a ring. The wedding will be expensive enough! Just my personal opinion. 

Post # 38
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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embarrassedbeebabe :  hi what is your ring size? also i think for a plain solitaire setting it should only be a few hundred dollars nothing to really break the bank with.  I am in agreement with the rest of the bees that you should pay for it. I am just really wondering what is the ring size for reference because i feel we can all get a better understanding of this situation. 

Post # 39
Member
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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embarrassedbeebabe : However in this situation maybe you should offer to pay , I feel if you want to change it out to a cathedral setting that is a plain solitaire I have seen them in  stores for under $400.  Would you mind sharing your finger size? i saw a lot of bees asked and you haven’t given them a solid answer. For the record no one is going to track you down based on finger size. there’s so many who share the same size and identical rings. Have you thought about trading in your current setting for a new one? some stores may do this and you both won’t have to pay. Can you post a picture of the rings you tried on in the store? 

Post # 40
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

This guy is supposed to be your future spouse. You need to be able to talk about things, even if they’re difficult and may hurt his feelings. I think you should offer to pay for your new ring, and if he offers to split the cost or pay for it then go from there and work it out with him.

Post # 41
Member
1512 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you get the halo stones set it a wedding or anniversary band…. and he pays for that part, you pay to reset the ering? 

Post # 42
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’ve had the same “hidden halo” ring for 5 years now. My stone is gorgeous and almost flawless and of course I wouldn’t mind a bigger one, but i also thought “down the line i can get a double halo or another setting” … 

 

Fast forward to this monday, i went in to a jewler and found a double halo that I’m obsessed with. For the last 5 years my husband knows I’ve looked at double halos and always hinted at it. But since he picked the exact ring style I asked for, I never expected him to pay for an “upgrade” or “change” unless it was on his own accord. 

I paid for my new setting myself and he even went with me to go look at it. I think if its not his idea, it’s yours – you pay for it. 

Post # 43
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

Since everyone else is focusing so much on who should pay for the ring, I’ll answer the question you’re really asking: how to tell your fiance you want to change the setting without hurting his feelings.

Honestly, I think this will be easier for you than it is for most women who end up not liking their ring, because in this case, it wasn’t your fiance who messed up; it was you. (I don’t mean that in a snarky way.) Just emphasize how happy you are that he listened to your preferences and got you exactly what you asked for. Make sure he understands that the mistake is yours, not his. That you thought you would love a halo because they look so pretty in pictures, but it turns out you don’t love the way it looks on your hand. That you should have tried on some rings before telling him what you wanted, but you didn’t think to do that, and now you’re regretting it. I think he’ll understand.

Don’t mention paying for the new setting until you find one you like. Simple solitaire settings are not that expensive; you can probably afford to cover the cost. If he offers to pay for it, tell him you’d like to at least pay for half.

Post # 44
Member
10230 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Do you realize how much money you’re costing him? Even if he doesn’t pay for a dime of the new setting he’s still losing a significant amount of money that he spent on your old setting. 

My advice? Go buy a cheap solitaire CZ or moissy that looks like what you *think* you want. Wear it for a while. Make sure you ACTUALLY LIKE THIS ONE before you do anything. 

Post # 45
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

Hi again 🙂 Wow.. you have some pretty harsh replies..but I do agree with that, either way, he most likely will be upset by you changing something he picked out. I’m not sure of any way to put it nicely that will not hurt him. ( My unethical response is to get him lost in the girly technical mumbo-jumbo. You can start talking to him about trends, and classic pieces, and how you only want to change the ring into something more “timeless” because you want something you can pass on to future generations. It is unethical, yes, but ensure you tell him 100 times how much you like it – but how you want to be able to wear it 20 years from now.) This is definitely not my proudest piece of advice, but it is an option when talking to him.

There is also the situation where he acts like a total guy and does not care – but I’m not sure of the probability of that. Guys tend to be very very emotional when it comes to sentimental stuff ( I learned that the hard way with my FI).

As I mentioned before in the other post, that the best way to avoid ALL the drama, hurt feelings, etc. is to just get a stand-in! Get something you absolutely love, but something that is WAY cheaper. This ring can act like an everyday ring where you don’t have to worry about wear and tear. This is super common. This way you wear his ring once in a while- and he is happy, and you wear something you like most of the time. 

 

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