Post # 16
Sometimes, we’re way happier when we’re wrong.
I am so sorry, Bee. But, allow the anger you feel to galvanize you into action. You’re going to have to take care of yourself in this.
Your husband has proven, pretty conclusively that he’s a lying sack and cannot be trusted with anything related to your well being.
Talk to a divorce lawyer, ASAP, Bee. Even if it feels premature, it’s much better to know where you stand, and what your rights are. And to have an advocate is very comforting.
Take anything your husband says with a very large block of salt.
So often, in these situations, we women, delirious from Niceness Disorder, believe that if we’re amiable and fair minded, he will be, too. Maybe so. But, he could also be a complete arsehole about things you haven’t even thought of yet. Get some professional support, Bee.
Post # 17
sunburn : catash : BMoreBecc : valintine : hungrymeow : Thank you all for the read and advice. It was so helpful to just share this all. I told him to pack and leave this AM. I’m not sure what the end result will be but I know that was the right call.
I am definitely not going to step into a victim role or blame myself but stepping outside of all the emotions, I do think he is generally a good person who made some really poor/f*cked up decisions recently. I can only imagine how disconnected he must of felt for it to have gotten to this point.. anyway I’m prepared for the “worst” but of course part of me wonders if therapy to address the root problem is something I should be open to… He asked before he left if we could please see a counselor before initiating divorce. Sigh
Post # 18
KittyYogi : thank you so much for this advice. I will check it out
Post # 19
Ah, the reality is hitting him right in the face. Tell him you’re not interested in therapy while he’s with someone else. What you want to do is no contact while you decide if you would really like him back. If you do, tell him you need proof that he’s not seeing someone else before you start with any counseling.
Post # 20
kblondee7 : it is east for all of us to say “leave him” since we do not have any connection to him. It is also easy for bees that have never been in this situation to say “I would leave if my significant other cheated on me”, but it isn’t that black and white.
I totally agree you should have your space right now to figure out what you want. However, only you and your husband can decide to stay together or divorce.
Being cheated on sucks a lot! My ex would never admit full fault, it was a mistake on his part. I just wanted him to admit it wasn’t a mistake, is was a terrible conscious decision. You will have to be the one to decide if you can forgive and move on, not us.
I agree with kittyYogi, surviving infidelity is a great website.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
Post # 21
Don’t talk to him about it again. Go see a divorce lawyer ASAP and without him knowing. Ask the lawyer what you need to cover yourself. So what he lawyer tells you to do.
Post # 22
Just don’t talk to him about it again & just go see a divorce lawyer ASAP and without him knowing – i think the reality of it is starting to hit him in the face for sure – tell him your not interested in going to marriage counseling if he’s still w/ someone else. Also do no contact while you decide if you want him back or not. If you do decide to take him back, you will need absolute proof that he’s not seeing someone again.
It sounds like he is trying to have his cake & eat it too. It just does NOT work that way though especially not in a marriage.
I am so sorry you are going through this….Leave his cheating ass, you deserve so much better & will find it bee!
Post # 23
- Wedding: September 2020 - City, State
kblondee7 : Leave his cheating ass. You deserve better and you will find it!
Post # 24
What bothers me the most is that he is doing this close to home. That is a severe lack of respect. You guys need counseling for sure. However, he has to realize that what he has done is a strike against his character. He needs to earn your trust back!
Post # 25
Coco Brown Walker : silver lining is at least I found out bc it’s basically next door.. I’m not so sure about counseling at this point. I feel very disrespected.
Post # 26
kblondee7 : I know. I was trying to give you an alternative but to be honest, this is horrible. What ever you chose, I wish you the very best of luck. I know one thing…this is not what you deserve….
Post # 27
- Wedding: December 2018 - City, State
^^^ this!! Everyhting this Bee said.
I remember your post and said I felt there was someone else. I’m so so sorry. He dressed up so kudos for that. It’s up to you. I don’t tolerate a cheater and I don’t think you have much of a choice here – I doubt he’s going to work on things, he’s emotionally and physically checked out.
I would ask him leave. separate your finances. And if you see that woman again let her know that he was cheating but you are over now. Hopefully she realizes that how he met her is likely.how he will leave her and she cans it too. (or leave it really bit your responsibility).
Post # 28
I’m so sorry for you bee 🙁 This is such a sucky outcome.
Please be aware though, that his last ditch attempt at appearing like a nice guy by asking for counselling is total manipulative BS. It’s just a way for him to find a suitable out by making you out to be an unsuitable partner for him through sessions of therapy (I.e. his way of having a good excuse for the public for leaving you). There is no reason for YOU to have to undergo couples counselling with HIM when there’s a third person in the picture. Trust me, he will make it out as though your lack of suitability forced him into the arms of another woman.
Please focus on yourself for now and see a lawyer. Whether or not you decide to go through with a divorce, it’s always good to know what options you have.
Post # 29
kblondee7 : some balls he has asking to see a counselor before initiating divorce, but didn’t think to address that before he met with some online girl.
Ugh! I am mad for you. I know you are mad, but also have a lot of other emotions going on. You are allowed to experience all of them. It is OK to want to throw his shit outside, it’s also OK to feel like you want to beg him to stay. It is OK to imagine him coming back and admitting he was wrong, It is OK to imagine you being with someone else out of revenge. Whatever you feel is normal.
You are just processing this all and you don’t have to decide everything right now. You dont have to decide on counseling – although I think it would help you figure out your feelings whether it is with him or by yourself. But i dont think you owe him anything.
Give yourself some time and figure out what is right for you. HUGS.
Post # 30
L606 : thank you.. I definitely feel a lot of those things right now! It is a total blow but pulling it together to get through work and all :/