(Closed) Follow up: Sister's roommate

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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MrsGirlyGirl :  I don’t see how your sister knows that her roommate is using her tampons. There aren’t that many brands, so it’s quite possible that they both use the same brand and absorbancy. Also, if I was in a bad way and needed a tampon, as courteous as I am, I would take one if it was there and I wouldn’t call my new roommate to request permission first, because hey I’m in the bathroom having a bleed emergency. Just saying.

When I was in college, I roomed with someone in a very similar situation – shared kitchen and bathroom, separate bedrooms. We alternated paper products, because that just makes sense. Sometimes my roommate was bad about replacing the toilet paper, and she was a bit absentminded about a lot of things. I would remind her, but being the responsible one, I just kept an extra roll or two of paper towels and toilet paper in my room. If it came down to it, I had my secret stash that I’d take into the bathroom with me and bring back out, and I don’t know what she did – but it was probably unsanitary. Her boyfriends were always loud when they were over too. She had one that liked to tickle her at 2 AM until she was screaming laughing. It was immature and annoying, and I had to ask her to stop. She and her boyfriend would argue about it after that with her trying to stop him and be less obnoxiously loud with her (likely fake) laughter. That boyfriend hated me because of it, but I slept better. She eventually married someone else who I hear is quite nice, unlike this college boyfriend, but anyway.

The point is, that if your sister cannot move out, then her only recourse is to find a way to deal with the situations at hand. She can talk all she wants to her roommate, but with people like that, it often does little good. She’s made the right steps. She has a baby gate for her dog, she bought a lock for her bedroom, and now she knows that she needs to keep a secret stash of toilet paper and paper towels, and if the tampon is truly a concern, then keep that in her bedroom too, or keep a little mini safe under the bathroom sink with essentials that the roommate can’t use. You just have to remember, that regardless of who is in the right (and I understand it’s your sister and the roommate has already admittedly done some crap things like with the Roku and Netflix – but now it sounds like you’re both reaching for things to critique), anyway, regardless of who is in the right, that doesn’t really matter much if your sister can’t move out, can’t kick the roommate out, and the roommate doesn’t listen. Your sister will have to live proactively with the above mentioned solutions and the solutions she’s already taken. The more the roommmate dislikes your sister or feels attacked, the less seriously she’ll take your sister and the more apt she is to make your sister miserable for the next 11+ months.

Post # 33
Member
9406 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

So toilet paper and paper towels need to be paid for from a household slush fund. Same with dish soap, hand soap, etc.. these are just things that are impossible to keep separate in a place with shared kitchen and bath.

For other toiletries (makeup, tampons, even shampoo and conditioner) I’d dorm it: buy a shower caddy and bring it with me when I go to the bathroom. I’ve never had to do that before but I’ve never had a roommate that steals before.

My husband used to live with housemates that would take his toilet paper, laundry detergent, etc.. they actually had seperate bathrooms they’d straight up go in to his and take his and bring it to theirs. Sometimes when he was home, he’d watch them shamelessly do it.  He didn’t want to confront them so he had to just keep that stuff in his room, locked. pita but it worked. Unfortunately it sounds like your sister will need to do the same.

The dog/cat thing.. eh.. yes she left her door open but your sister left the dog unattended too so.. I’d let that one go tbh.

The 2am thing would really bother me, for sure.. I’ve been in that situation and honestly I’ve never had it stop.. even when they’re really sincerely apologetic night owls are night owls.  Ear plugs?

Post # 35
Member
5915 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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MrsGirlyGirl :  well she will now know that she needs to carry her things with her and take them out with her after each use. That should be pretty clear. And of course filing complaints with the landlord. 

Post # 36
Member
8993 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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MrsGirlyGirl :  Idk I thought we went through an absurd amount of toilet paper when I had roommates and assumed it was them because I thought I was very responsible in my usage. Then I lived alone and realized yea, the roll runs out faster than you realize. I still think 1 tampon is silly – you’ve never been caught off guard? If your sister realized she was suddenly out of her tampons and the roommate wasn’t home to ask she wouldn’t just use one? Working all day and then hanging out in her own room or leaving doesn’t really sound like she’s making an effort to socialize much with this girl. Which is fine – but some roommates have different expectations so if this girl is lonely it might be why she invites people over a lot.

What has happened since she talked to the girl about waking her up in the middle of the night? Has she made an effort to not disturb your sister or has she doubled down and started hosting raves that requires secret passwords?

Post # 37
Member
2462 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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bostonbee2018 :  This is the best comment here. Thanks for bringing your relevant experience to the thread!

Post # 38
Member
7509 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

What is the leasing arrangement? Are they both on a single lease, signed together, or do they each have their own lease with the landlord?

Post # 39
Member
3381 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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MrsGirlyGirl :  I mean look – half of us said it in your first post. She needs to move out (either of them). They are clear not compatible people. If roommate won’t move out, then your sister needs to move. Leases can be broken. Subletters can be found. Life finds a way. 

This isn’t going to get better, and touching it out for a year is likely going to end in someone being murdered. So…sister needs to get out. Period. 

Then, she needs to take this as a learning experience to not sign leases with randoms! Why ever would you lock yourself into living with someone you don’t know?!? Now, I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have a roommate – I live in NYC and had Craigslist roomies for 10 years. But the way to go about it is to be the solo name on the lease, and then simply sublet the extra bedroom on a month-to-month basis. That way, should you have a horrific roomie, you give them 30 days notice to GTFO and it’s Bye, Felicia. Or, sister could find herself a room on someone else’s lease if she doesn’t or can’t get a lease herself. But god in heaven don’t EVER sign a year long lease with someone you don’t know and love to bits. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Post # 40
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

“My sister has only confronted the roommate about being woken up at 2am. “

See, this is the problem. Your sister is a pushover, and she hasn’t YET had an adult conversation with this girl. I told you last time that your sister needs to grow up and verbally establish boundaries (especially since she’s apparently trapped in this lease). But it sounds like she still just expected this girl to stop being a douche. Sorry, not gonna happen. They NEED TO TALK. They can take turns buying things for the common areas, or they can each buy their own and keep everything in their own rooms. And, yes, I’d prefer that someone use my tampons without asking than bleed all over the goddamn floor because they’ve run out of tampons. BUT if she’s constantly using up all of “your sister’s” tampons, then they need to trade off buying the ‘pons OR, once again, she needs to keep them in her room. Ultimately, a thorough conversation is in order. Still hasn’t been done, I see. 

Post # 41
Member
931 posts
Busy bee

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MrsGirlyGirl :  It’s not that it wouldn’t bother me at all but like I said I don’t think the roommate has to follow your sister’s schedule. I think she has the right to be up whenever she wants doing laundry whenever she wants in her own house, what their schedules/sleeping habits were like is definitely something that should have been communicated prior to living together. As far as the tampon, you don’t know and with the toliet paper and paper towels it just seems petty and like something that could be cleared up with a conversation of “hey since we have one bathroom/kitchen how do you want to go about splitting things like toliet paper, paper towels, shampoo, dish soap, etc” 

Post # 43
Member
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

It seems like she’s just looking for things to be mad about now… toilet paper and a tampon? If she’s so concerned about the toilet paper, she should make sure to have a conversation regarding alternating or chipping in for paper products. And someone using one of my tampons would not phase me in the slightest. I’ve definitely been in a pinch at someone’s house and just grabbed one of theirs without asking first. If she is using them exclusively and never buying her own, then obviously that is a problem and should be addressed. But there is some give and take and some sharing involved with having a roommate, especially when you share a bathroom.

She’s going to need to pick her battles. But really, it could be worse. 

Post # 45
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Stealing is not okay and I’m sorry I have no advice. Maybe they use the same brand of tampon?

I agree with some PP and think your sister is equally responsible for the dog getting scratched. Why does the cat have to be shut in a small room all the day and the dog gets free reign? Yeah she should have shut the door, but she has already shown shes not responsible or trustworthy so your sister should be more careful. 

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