(Closed) Follow up with people who didn’t give cards/gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wouldn’t say a thing. I think no matter how you word the approach it could come off as very rude. 

Post # 4
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

That’s part of the point of thank you cards.  If you give a gift and don’t recieve a card, it’s normal to check and see that the recipient actually recieved a gift.  Hopefully, if one of those people did give you a gift you’ll hear from them.

Post # 5
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m against a “Were you going to send something?” type followup, but I was thinking about sending a thank-you to those who came and didn’t give anything, just to thank them for coming (with no mention of lack of card). This sort of contact may prompt a card in return, but probably not. I am a little worried that even this will seem grabby, but there is at least one person who came and their presence alone was awesome and I want to let them know that they made our day even more special. (My biker uncle, who I haven’t seen in 5 years, showed up in full biker getup. It was way cool!)

Post # 6
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree that is the point of thank you cards (Ideally) But so many people slack on them it is rediculious these days. Your wedding was the end of April? I think I would wait at least until the end of may or early june if some people purchased something online off your registry they may take a few weeks to come in, also some people honestly believe in that having a whole year to give the gift thing.

Post # 7
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would just send a generic thank you card, with a personal note, maybe get a little cheeky with it without being too obvious

“Thank you for sharing our special day, your presence was such a gift!”

 

 

Post # 8
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t say anything. There’s really no polite way to say it…that’s why it irked me when my new husband asked his mother the day after our wedding if we had accidently dropped her card. No, she just didn’t give us anything.

Post # 9
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@LittleSu:  That’s what we are doing.  Everyone is getting a thank you, but the people who gave a gift will get a silly pic of us with whatever they gave us. 😀

Post # 10
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We sent thank you cards to everyone who attended ours – those who gave gifts were thanked for it and those who just came were thanked for their presence. We totally didn’t mean it as a nudge – but some people ended up sending gifts after we sent out the thank you cards.

Post # 11
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, you can’t ask them if they sent a gift.  Send a thank you card to thank them for attending and let it go.

Post # 13
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I know I sound like a horrible guest, but my Fiance and went to a wedding in December for his cousin. I just assumed he’d take care of the gift since they’d been close and I’d only met her briefly once or twice. Well he didn’t and I was very embarrassed, but then I forgot about it.

Once I remembered again a few weeks later, I found their registry online and went ahead and sent a gift then.

Maybe that will be the case with some of your guests?

Post # 14
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

I would just send them a thank you card, thanking them for being there.

They were under no obligation to give you a gift, and if you try to go for a ‘why didn’t you give us a/where is my gift’ you’ll come across as a massive gimmie-pig.

Post # 15
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would refer to your guest book and send cards for appreciation of attendance to those that were there.

Post # 16
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There is no need to send thank yous to wedding guests who attended the wedding but did not give a gift.  The wedding reception is the thank you.

To answer your question, do not ask anyone who you did not receive a gift from if they brought or are sending a gift.  That is rude.  They will follow up with you if they did give something and did not receive a thank you.

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