Post # 1
so while at my daughter’s school the other day, there was gossip gallore.
A mom who is about two years older than me (I am 35), is dating someone who is 18. Just TURNED 18.
I had seem them together before and I completely thought that it was her son. I know she does have a son in Highschool, and when I heard the details, this new “boyfriend” emphasis on the word BOY, was a friend of her sons, and he gradutated HIGHSCHOOL, last year.
I’m totally disgusted, moreso I think becuase he looks like a little boy, he’s petite and young in the face, and becuase of the age difference.
If she was a man, I’m sure she wouldn’t be showing up to PTO events with her new “friend”.
People would truly be in an uproar, instead of twittering behind her back.
I totally consider her taking advantage of this young boy, and if I had a son, I would not allow him to have play dates over her house. It’s just beyond inappropriate.
Wondering everyone else’s thoughts on this?
Post # 3
Ew. Sure it’s legal, but I’m with you – I find it highly inappropriate.
However, I’m not sure there would be a huge uproar if it were 37 year old man dating an 18 year old girl. It seems like the reaction would be the same – a lot of gossiping but not much else.
Post # 4
How does this relate to double standards?
I know that women dating younger men get a lot more sh** for it than men dating younger women, but sounds like you’re saying it’s justified to direct hate at her in this instance, so I’m not sure why you mentioned “double standards” since they are currently in favor of your argument.
Post # 5
@Khalessi3: It’s highly inappropriate, but if it was a guy it would proably seem more normal. Also, the double standard here is that if the mother was a father, and the guy was a girl, she’d be labelled a ‘slut’ and a ‘whore’ by the whole school, and it could very well ruin her life. Whereas the boy is probably getting congratulated for pulling a MILF or whatever. The guy mught be labelled ‘creepy’ but I doubt he’d be blamed for luring an innocent young girl into a relationship the way the mum probably will.
While they are consenting adults and so this is absolutely none of your business, I do agree that this relationship seems kinda gross.
Post # 6
@joya_aspera: See I completley disagree with you. I think becuase she is a woman, it’s ok to just gossip but nobody is confronting her.
I think if it was a man, and he was dating a friend of his highschool aged daughter, the PTO moms would be in an uproar, banning him from school, and there would be much more a stink about it.
would the dad arrive at a school function like everything is cool.
I totally get where you both are coming from, in age appropriate differences of consenting adults, usually the woman is a cougar, or a slut and the younger man couldn’t possibly want her for anything but her money and although there is the label “sugar daddy” out there, it’s not nearly as looked down upon to have a younger girlfriend, if you are male.
Post # 7
It is kind of creepy, butt actually makes me kind of happy in a way, to tell you the truth. Yeah, 18 is too young, but there is so much in our culture that encourages men to lust after exclusively younger women. Older women are seen as undesireable and disposable, and most definitely not attractive…. whereas older men are seen as sophisticated, genteel, and refined. It’s nice to see an older woman/younger man pairing to go against all those butthole chauvanists who talk about how men’s stock rises as they age, and a woman’s declines.
Like I said, I am still iffy, but I think if he were 20, I would be fully on board.
Post # 8
@Khalessi3: Well I think either way people would be gossiping. If it were a 37 yr old guy and an 18 year old girl, the guy would be considered a dirty old man, and a lot of people would be very concerned for the girl, and quick to ask questions about whether she was legal when they got together etc.
I don’t really see what this has to do with a double standard.
The fact remains that men and women DO have some differences. Sorry, but if I had a teenage daughter, I would be a LOT more concerned if she was dating a 37 year old than if she were my son. I’d be terrified, in fact. If my son was dating a 37 year old woman, I would be upset too… but I’d be a little bit less concerned. Boys can’t get pregnant, for one thing.
Both situations are creepy. I don’t think this will last long. They’re just having fun (as gross as that sounds). They’ll get bored of each other.
Post # 9
@Khalessi3: Does it directly effect you? It’s not illegal, so I think you shouldn’t worry about it. Do I agree with it? NO, I think it’s discusting, but there are more important things to spend your energy on.
Post # 10
Well the fact that she has a son who is friends with this kid is what makes it super creepy IMO. If she didn’t have kids his age and he was a random 18 year old, still weird but not as creepy.
Post # 11
He’s legal and it’s her life. I would honestly just mind my own business. I think it’s pointless to get worked up about things that don’t concern you.
Post # 12
I find both situations to be equally creepy. It’s judgemental, but when I see things like that I do wonder if it’s a truely consentual relationship.
Post # 13
@canarydiamond: I too have a son, and two daughters, and in either case I would be bothered by this age gap. We are talking 18 and 37. Fresh out of High school, no facial hair looks like he’s 12, not kidding. why is it ok for your son to date an older woman but not your daughters…interesting.
@RoyalLime: hmm, different opinions. It does as a matter of fact directly affect me. Why? becuase my daughter, is in the same grade with the daughter of this particular woman. My daughter is bothered by it, and we had a conversation about it. Am I burning her at the stake, not speaking to her, or shunning her in any way? No, as are none of the other mothers.
@deetroitwhat: I am minding my own businesss, just thought it made for an interesting conversation on the board.
@EffieTrinket: I hear you for sure, I like that in certain situations. Is it empowering for a woman to be able to date a much, younger man and have a “boy toy” like a man. YES! I am not against that.
To all the lovely ladies here at the bee, this makes for a great thread yes? Its cool to hear other ideas. No worries I’m not on a witch hunt for her. I’m not in some social standing at school, and if anything we are both not part of the PTO. I just wanted to hear other thoughts, thanks:)
Post # 14
the thing that I wish you could see is just how young this boy looks. In my personal opinion, I could not date someone who physically looked the same age, or younger than my own children.
I am thourghly enjoying the dialogue this had opened up….
another case in point;
We have discussions about femininity all the time, and women having to look younger, for men to be interested,is that ok?
Is it ok to literally want to look like you just hit puberty in order to be sexy for some men? Is it wrong to be attracted to that youthfulness in an older woman who looks like she’s 15?
are the tables now turning……and woman are finding “youngish boyish” looking men hotter than men that look like men.
Post # 15
@Khalessi3: I don’t have any kids yet. I was talking hypothetically. If you read my post, I said that I wouldn’t be ok with either scenario… believe me! It would just bother me a lot more if it was my daughter with an older guy. I listed pregnancy as the big reason as to why it would bother me more.
Double standard or not, situations like these typically end up worse for girls than boys. That’s just the way it is. I’m a realist. Sure, in an ideal world with unicorns and rainbows, no double standards would exist. Here in reality, I will do whatever I can to protect my future daughter from being taken advantage of by an older man. An 18 year old boy will get high fives and some weird looks. And 18 year old girl may get pregnant and end up with a horrible reputation. Either scenario is bad in my books, don’t get me wrong. I just would naturally worry more about a daughter than a son. I think that’s pretty common.
This just occurred to me – I am sure moms with teenage sons worry about him getting a girl pregnant. You’d think that worry would diminish if he was dating someone a bit older who has more experience using birth control. Food for thought, as you say!
Post # 16
Ageism is no different than racism, sexism, etc. In the end it’s everyone making assumptions and judgements about other people they don’t know. They’re both adults, they’re happy, who cares.