(Closed) food for thought; double standards in our society and your opinion

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ew.  Sure it’s legal, but I’m with you – I find it highly inappropriate.

However, I’m not sure there would be a huge uproar if it were 37 year old man dating an 18 year old girl.  It seems like the reaction would be the same – a lot of gossiping but not much else.

Post # 4
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

How does this relate to double standards?

I know that women dating younger men get a lot more sh** for it than men dating younger women, but sounds like you’re saying it’s justified to direct hate at her in this instance, so I’m not sure why you mentioned “double standards” since they are currently in favor of your argument.

Post # 5
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Khalessi3:  It’s highly inappropriate, but if it was a guy it would proably seem more normal. Also, the double standard here is that if the mother was a father, and the guy was a girl, she’d be labelled a ‘slut’ and a ‘whore’ by the whole school, and it could very well ruin her life. Whereas the boy is probably getting congratulated for pulling a MILF or whatever. The guy mught be labelled ‘creepy’ but I doubt he’d be blamed for luring an innocent young girl into a relationship the way the mum probably will. 

While they are consenting adults and so this is absolutely none of your business, I do agree that this relationship seems kinda gross. 


Post # 7
6255 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

It is kind of creepy, butt actually makes me kind of happy in a way, to tell you the truth. Yeah, 18 is too young, but there is so much in our culture that encourages men to lust after exclusively younger women. Older women are seen as undesireable and disposable, and most definitely not attractive…. whereas older men are seen as sophisticated, genteel, and refined. It’s nice to see an older woman/younger man pairing to go against all those butthole chauvanists who talk about how men’s stock rises as they age, and a woman’s declines.

Like I said, I am still iffy, but I think if he were 20, I would be fully on board.

Post # 8
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Khalessi3:  Well I think either way people would be gossiping. If it were a 37 yr old guy and an 18 year old girl, the guy would be considered a dirty old man, and a lot of people would be very concerned for the girl, and quick to ask questions about whether she was legal when they got together etc.

I don’t really see what this has to do with a double standard.

The fact remains that men and women DO have some differences. Sorry, but if I had a teenage daughter, I would be a LOT more concerned if she was dating a 37 year old than if she were my son. I’d be terrified, in fact. If my son was dating a 37 year old woman, I would be upset too… but I’d be a little bit less concerned. Boys can’t get pregnant, for one thing.

Both situations are creepy. I don’t think this will last long. They’re just having fun (as gross as that sounds). They’ll get bored of each other.

Post # 9
4282 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Khalessi3:  Does it directly effect you? It’s not illegal, so I think you shouldn’t worry about it. Do I agree with it? NO, I think it’s discusting, but there are more important things to spend your energy on.

Post # 10
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

Well the fact that she has a son who is friends with this kid is what makes it super creepy IMO. If she didn’t have kids his age and he was a random 18 year old, still weird but not as creepy. 

Post # 11
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

He’s legal and it’s her life.  I would honestly just mind my own business.  I think it’s pointless to get worked up about things that don’t concern you.

Post # 12
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I find both situations to be equally creepy.  It’s judgemental, but when I see things like that I do wonder if it’s a truely consentual relationship.

Post # 15
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
@Khalessi3:  I don’t have any kids yet. I was talking hypothetically. If you read my post, I said that I wouldn’t be ok with either scenario… believe me! It would just bother me a lot more if it was my daughter with an older guy. I listed pregnancy as the big reason as to why it would bother me more.

Double standard or not, situations like these typically end up worse for girls than boys. That’s just the way it is. I’m a realist. Sure, in an ideal world with unicorns and rainbows, no double standards would exist. Here in reality, I will do whatever I can to protect my future daughter from being taken advantage of by an older man. An 18 year old boy will get high fives and some weird looks. And 18 year old girl may get pregnant and end up with a horrible reputation. Either scenario is bad in my books, don’t get me wrong. I just would naturally worry more about a daughter than a son. I think that’s pretty common.

This just occurred to me – I am sure moms with teenage sons worry about him getting a girl pregnant. You’d think that worry would diminish if he was dating someone a bit older who has more experience using birth control. Food for thought, as you say!


Post # 16
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ageism is no different than racism, sexism, etc.  In the end it’s everyone making assumptions and judgements about other people they don’t know.  They’re both adults, they’re happy, who cares.

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