- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My Fiance and I are getting married this September. He has 2 kids from his previous marriage that are 9 months 7 days apart so they are currently 5 and 5 years old right now. The girl will be 6 next month :o). I have been in there lives since they were 2 and 1 years old. They currently reside in California where his sister has been taking care of them the last 3 years since we had to move to Texas for the military and my FI’s job and my schedule would have them in daycare until about 8 or 9 at night and we wanted them to have the care they needed and deserved during this time instead of the “hi, bye!” experience they would have here. Their mother is not a fit mother by any means (i.e. used to leave them alone at home while Fiance was away for the military, after she put them to bed she would leave and go out to party (they were 1yr and below at the time). Now she moves from place to place and does no dicipline when she has her every other weekend visitation at her place and we think the kids can tell the difference, they don’t like it) and my Fiance has sole physical custody of them by the courts. Fiance is an AMAZING dad with them and sends money every month to them (not child support) just to help out his sister and pay for them for the majority of things.
Long story short, when we get married I will be technically a “stepmom” to them. I don’t like the term “stepmom” and the kids call me by my name. They have had no tendencies to call me mom, but I KNOW I will be a MUCH MUCH MUCH better example for them and have been. My thing is, I don’t want to make the kids feel like I’m another “mom” and confuse them in doing the things that their mother is supposed to be doing for them but more than likely wont be doing anyway since she hasn’t done them since they were born. The kids are beginning to know that something isn’t right with their mother and FI’s little girl cries cause she doesn’t want to go with her mother sometimes. For all you new stepmoms and future stepmoms, how do you feel about being in your FI’s kids lives if they are living with you? I want to be an amazing example to them and I have been, but still kinda feel like the 3rd wheel of our future family because I love them as if they are my own, but I know they are not and it makes me sad they have to deal with their mother knowing she’s not a good example. I not looking to be called “mom” by them, but at the same time them calling me by my first name feels like I’m just gonna be “dad’s wife” or just another person that loves them. I don’t know if I feel like family to them or not. I don’t know if they think of me that way. I have been told from my Fiance that one time when he had to deal with the ex she said “The kids must really love (my name) because they talk about her all the time.” Starting in June, we will have the kids living with us forever :oD after we move to our next station in a month-2 months and we will be officially a “family”. It will be like both Fiance and I’s first experience with the kids because he’s been away from them for 4 years of their life due to the military and his sister having temporary guardianship because of so. They will live with us 95% of the time and only stay with his ex every other weekend like now. We are excited about this, but I can’t help feel like the 3rd wheel.
How did all of you ladies in a “step” position feel when you married into it? Am I wrong for feeling this way? My Fiance, bless his heart tries so hard to help me feeling this way and tries to assure me that the kids love me more than I know and he knows it because of the way they interact with me when they and his parents have come to visit us here in Texas, but I can’t help it :o/. I guess I just need to hear other people experiences.
Sorry for the LONG story