(Closed) For all the bees who have waited, what stopped you from proposing?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What's stopping you from proposing?
    I did propose, and it was awesome! : (6 votes)
    8 %
    I did propose, didn't end well : (3 votes)
    4 %
    I'm planning to propose! : (0 votes)
    Me and/or my SO are traditional : (33 votes)
    42 %
    I was worried I'd scare him away : (0 votes)
    I was worried he didn't feel the same way as me : (4 votes)
    5 %
    I wanted the romance of a proposal : (14 votes)
    18 %
    He asked before I'd even considered it : (10 votes)
    13 %
    Other : (9 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 2
    1592 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    He was wayy too traditional for that. I waited for 6+ months but we knew he would. It was more a matter of when.

    Post # 3
    496 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    For me, I think it was two main reasons. At first, it was the fact that he wasn’t ready and was still deciding if he wanted marriage/kids, and I feel like when you propose both people need to be on the same page. It should be a culmination, not a shock.

    Secondly, after waiting for all that time for him to be ready, I felt like I seriously deserved a nice proposal, heh. My self-confidence had taken a hit and I wanted him to prove to me that this was something he wanted too and was willing to put effort into.

    Thankfully, I got my gorgeous, memorable proposal in the end, and I am so glad I waited for him to be ready to take that step. 🙂 In different circumstances, I would have considered proposing to him, but things just didn’t work out that way for us.

    Post # 4
    861 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I’m not waiting for him to decide if he wants to marry me. I’m waiting for him to propose. He told me he has a plan 

    Post # 5
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    There’s no option on there for what my situation was, which was when I was “waiting”, it was because he had the ring and wanted to propose after I met his parents. He had the ring and I knew it was coming, so I didn’t feel the need to jump the gun and propose to him. It was a fun, exciting time.

    However, I think women should be able to discuss their needs with their men – we decided to get married together, over many conversations. I wasn’t ever worried that it wouldn’t happen because we’d decided together it was what we wanted.

    Post # 6
    12103 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    aliciaspinnet:  same as you – FH is way too traditional and he would have been hurt if I had proposed to him, and I really didn’t want to.  As annoyed as I was after being together 8.5 years, I wasn’t going to propose to him (and even if I did, and he said yes, I still would have had to wait for him to get married and that is the ultimate goal, I want the wedding/marriage not the engagement)

    Post # 7
    1936 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I guess he and I were both too traditional.  He wanted to propose and I wanted to be proposed to.  I thought, and still think, that moment was a truly special one.  I’m a very independent woman but in this case I wanted him to be the one to make sure that I got that moment, unexpected and wonderful.  If I were going through it again, I would still tell the antsy/anxious me to wait because it really is worth it.

    Post # 8
    2122 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    He is very traditional, and i know he really wants that moment for himself,and as much as I hate waiting, I know it’ll be  worth it.

    Post # 9
    9485 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    It means a lot to him to do it and do it “right”. I would never take that away from him- he’d be confused and likely pissed. 

    Post # 10
    9485 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I also see the proposal as a litmus test of the guys commitment to you. I only want to marry a guy who thinks I am worth the effort, expense, and vulnerability. 

    Post # 11
    3736 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    aliciaspinnet:  I’m traditional in that way and I would NEVER DREAM of proposing to a man. I told him that I wanted to get married and he needed to come around to that in his own time. Which he did… thank goodness.

    Post # 12
    1926 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would propose, but he said that he’d really prefer to do that part traditionally. Everything else about us is nontraditional, including me picking out and negotiating my engagement ring, so he wanted to go the traditional route at least with the proposal. 

    Post # 13
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    A few years ago, we discussed it.  I’m a proud feminist, and in my mind, there is romance to me proposing to him, but my traditional SO strongly disagrees.  He straight up told me that it would be embarassing for him, as though he is failing in some duty or tradition.  it doesn’t really bother me, except that it means I have been waiting longer than I would have liked, but I’ve known for years that we woudl spend our lives together.

    Post # 14
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I proposed to my husband. It was empowering for me because I didn’t spend a single minute sitting around waiting and feeling like he needed to prove his love. Once I decided I was ready to get married, I spent a few months planning a proposal that was all about him, mangagement ring and all. 

    In the pictures, he looks really happy. 

    Post # 15
    1123 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I picked “other” because we discussed marriage sooner than either of us really wanted to discuss it due to a visa issue. We’d only been together four years when we decided to hash it out and came to the conclusion that we wanted to move to his home country and that marriage was the easiest and most economical way to do it.

    But I mentioned I wished I had been able to have a nice traditional proposal since nothing else about our relationship had been traditional to that point and because he isn’t exactly the romantic sort and I said I wanted something heartfelt and romantic from him. He came through and exceeded expectations.

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