For all the bees who lived with their bf before marriage

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Did your boyfriend ask your parents for permission to marry you, even though you lived together?
    Yes, and I'm glad he did. : (140 votes)
    55 %
    No, and I'm disappointed : (11 votes)
    4 %
    Yes, but I thought it was weird. : (9 votes)
    4 %
    No, and good thing because it would've been weird. : (93 votes)
    37 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    313 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I had mentioned to hubby before we got engaged that I think he should go to my dad before he proposed. I knew it would be something that my dad would really appreciate, and why turn away brownie points? haha

    Post # 48
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I voted for the last choice, but I don’t think it would have been weird. He didn’t, and that’s fine. Would have been fine to me if he did. I’m sure he just figured that after 7 1/2 years and being very close with each others’ families, it wasn’t necessary.

    Post # 49
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Yes, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and i lived together for a little over a year before we got engaged. 

    He called my parents and met them at their house. It was Dec. 3rd and my dad thought he was coming over to hide Christmas presents. Anyway, he asked my parents and then knew he had less than 24 hours before my Mom would start to burst at the seems. (my mom and I work together). Anyway, at 7:30 AM on December 4th, he proposed. 

    It was very sweet of him to ask my parents. (and even more special IMO, because I was 34 when he proposed).

    He is a keeper!

    Post # 50
    Member
    447 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    He asked for their BLESSING, not permission… I thought that was sweet.  I know my family was very excited knowing that I was about to get a proposal.  

    Post # 51
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    My husband and I lived together for a year before we got engaged and he didn’t ask my parents about anything because I told him not to.  I am an adult, I’m financially independent, my parents (who I love dearly and am very close to) have no say in who I live with or who I marry.  The idea of a man asking a father’s permission reminds me too much of the image of women as chattel, which I’m really uncomfortable with.  He called my parents the day he was planning to propose to let them know that they needed to stay by their phones…but they didn’t answer when he called and he didn’t try too hard to get a hold of them.  He did that because he knew, given how close I am to my parents, that it would kill me not to be able to tell them immediately.  But for all they knew he was buying me a puppy (which would have been awesome, but I liked the proposal better ๐Ÿ˜‰ ).  Even if I had parents that would have wanted to give their permission first, I wouldn’t have been comfortable with that.

    Post # 52
    Member
    153 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    We only lived together a few months before he proposed, but he did not ask permission. This was at my request — I think it’s a nice gesture for some, but was not comfortable with it personally. If it’s something you feel really strongly about, you might just want to let him know.

    Post # 53
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    He asked for their blessing, which isn’t one of your options. I had told him ages before that I’m not anyone’s to “give away”. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 54
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My Fiance says that he plans to ask my parents for their blessing (not permission) before he proposes to me. He says he wants to be respectful of my parents, and it’s fine with me. I think it’s sweet (: It’s not that my parents own me or that I’m being “given away” by my parents, I just think it’s good etiquette.

    Post # 55
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Fiance and I’ve been together for 9 years – and living together for 6.  He’s already family, though we’re not married.  After 9 years, it still seemed very appropriate for him to ask my dad – and I think they had a nice “moment” together.

    Post # 56
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    @MeghanV: Agree!! “blessing” not permission!

    Post # 57
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    He asked my stepdad and mom, my dad, and my grandparents.  It was really thoughtful.  All of this he did without prompting as the proposal was a surprise!

    Post # 58
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee

    Given our situation I think it would have been super weird if he had asked either of my parents for permission. We are both in our 30s… well almost… my fiance is in his early 30s and I’m turning 30 next year. On top of that, my mom was practially telling me to ask HIM, and my dad is so shy about these things I think it would have made him really uncomfortable. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 59
    Member
    56 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I had been with my fiance for 5 years and lived together for a year before he proposed.  According to my parents, he surprised them at their house (took the 2 hour drive) and asked my dad for his permission.  Needless to say, my parents were REALLY happy both because we were getting married but because he thought to talk to them about it beforehand.  Apparently after my fiance left, my father started crying awww ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I have a really strong relationship with my father and I knew it would mean a lot to him/be important to him for my fiance to ask. It wasn’t inherently important to me if he asked, but it became important because I knew it would make my father feel good.  I discussed this with my fiance ahead of time so he knew that it was something he should do.  I knew my dad would be disappointed if he didn’t, and upsetting him over something like this would be unnecessary.

    Post # 60
    Member
    96 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We lived together for a year when he asked my dad’s permission to marry me when we went visiting my family in Australia last October. I didn’t expect him to ask my dad after breakfast with my parents one morning. He was sweet to prepare breakfast for them and I really didn’t see that coming *lol* We’ve been talking about getting married and so on but he did that before he proposed to me.

    Post # 61
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    FH didn’t ask my parents and I’m glad. He also didn’t ask me either we just decided to get married.

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