Post # 1
whether it be because of distance, religious reasons, personal reasons, or perhaps you decided to have a dry period before the wedding…
how on earth do you deal with temptations?
my so and i are waiting for religious reasons (although he’s wayyyy more strongly convicted than i am), and we’ve been finding it really hard to resist. so much so that he’s decided we’re not going to kiss on the lips anymore because it’s too much for him.
i mean, i’m flattered that he wants me so bad, but are there any other options besides ‘just refraining’? we’ve still got a long while before we can get married, and i know it’s only going to get harder…
Post # 3
Is everything out or just sex? If you’re willing to do masterbation with each other it could make it easier. Only kiss when in public- bring on the PDA! I’m gonna be honest I have no idea when the last time I had sex was- probably Too Much Information. For a long time it drove me nuts then steps in “the pill”. It’s completely killed what desire I had. Not sure how Fiance manages, but it makes it a whole lot easier since we haven’t seen each other in at least a month. Does your SO masterbate? This could help A LOT. Definately not the same of course, but at least it wouldn’t feel like a fire breathing beast of hormones everytime you kiss. My fiance and I didn’t get intimate until after a year- pretty much- of dating. We done a lot of hand pleasuring for each other until we decided to take the next step.
Post # 4
Agree with Jellybean. Can you do other things besides actual intercourse? That could make things easier.
I have no direct experience with waiting (I didn’t, obviously), but that’s all I can think of.
Post # 5
“he’s decided”…..have “you guys” decided? I’d be really upset if my SO took kissing off the table. You guys are affectionate….it’s hard to go backwards in that department. I think i’d start to feel neglected and unloved because dammit I need a goodnight kiss!
Talk to him…encourage him that you’ll help him keep the boundaries, but if you’re not happy him taking everything off the table, let him know how that’ll make you feel, too.
December 2011 is a long ways away….I don’t think I’d be happy with something like kissing being off the table for almost 2 years.
Post # 6
We waited. Our engagement was on the shorter side 11 months. We did a lot of kissing, clothed body rubbing and some touching. We tried to keep the touching above the waist most of the time. It was hard. It was really hard when we were at each other’s condo’s since we both lived alone. If we felt things were getting too heavy we tired to have our dates in public places for a while.
Post # 7
No kissing would break my heart…how do you feel about that? I think the two of you need to have a serious discussion about what the boudaries of your relationship are going to be, and I think that it’s really important that you both make the decision. It can’t just be a one-sided discussion. Your wedding is a long way off, and it will feel even longer is you’re not allowed to be affectionate! I agree with pp….there are ways other than actual intercourse to relieve sexual tension and increase intimacy. If those are okay, I would definitely explore them!
Post # 8
Mostly Religous reasons, its important for both of us. Not sure if I could make the no kissing thing though. Sigh
Post # 9
My Fiance and I spent most of our relationship doing “everything BUT.” So you can definitely satisfy yourself that way, if your religious convictions don’t make you uncomfortable with that.
Giving up kissing would break my heart too! Let me get this straight–he’s the one who wants to put off sex more so than you (although it is mutual) and yet he’s also the one who “can’t stop” once he kisses you? I kind of have impatience with the idea that someone “can’t stop.” It’s been used to justify many a rape (in much different contexts as yours of course!). If you’re really in the moment and not concerned with the end (intercourse and/or orgasm), then just making out like teenagers can be completely satisfying, both physically and emotionally.
Post # 10
yeah – i’m not too excited about not kissing… i figure i’ll play with it for now, and then after he’s had a chance to feel ‘good’ about himself for succeeding we’ll have a talk.
and when i say he’s convicted, i mean he’s convicted 😛 basically we’re ruling everything out except for light kisses on the cheek, hand holding, and hugs.
i doubt it will last thought. i’m gonna try and work out an in between.
Post # 11
If its for religious reasons, you can do it! My Fiance and I have been together for 5 years, and the majority of that time, we stuck to hand-holding, cuddling, short kisses and hugs. We both felt that anything more was ‘too much’ as far as temptation goes.
My wedding is in about a month, and I’m happy to tell you that it IS possible to wait – don’t give up if you both feel strongly about it.
Post # 12
good on you, in some ways i really wish i had waited, fathers and grandmothers are right when they talk on this subject. wait.
don’t put yourself in situations where it will be difficult.
Post # 13
I (respectfully) disagree with hotchild and jellybean. My Fiance and I are waiting until marriage. We’ve been together for four years and nine months, and yes, the temptation is definitely there. But, I can promise you that in my experience, the temptation was much, much more difficult to deal with when you push your boundaries. It has always been much easier for us to have clear boundaries because then there’s no question of what’s going to happen or not happen.
Now, that’s us specifically, so obviously what applies to us won’t apply to everyone.
Good luck, keep up posted, and feel free to send me a message if you ever need support! 🙂
Post # 14
I’ll probably repeat a lot of what has already been said, but we’re waiting as well for religious purposes. It is so hard for both of us, and their is a good reason we are long distance most of the time. We talk about it a lot which helps us, but I’ve learned that when your guard is down or when you’re having like a spiritual ‘high’ you will be most tempted. My Fiance and I know that if we are on a bed or in an apt alone we are in that it will be hard to turn back. I’ve received so much advice, but it’s true that it’s different for everyone. I once suggested not kissing- that didn’t last. I tried kissing while only standing….yea that didn’t work either. We’re trying to only be inside when there are others around, and I try to never go to his bed. Some other tips I’ve heard and tried-
– say a word that you two decide on when you know you’re going too far or feeling tempted (sometimes the hardest part is just stopping once you’ve started)
– have a friend that can keep you accountable and encourage you when the two of you are together
– most importantly: pray
– try not to wear anything revealing….and it’s hard because I love to feel sexy but you still can!
– OH AND DO NOT TALK HONEYMOON TOGETHER lol He’s surprising me which we decided part because it was too hard talking about this stuff and part because he wanted to.
Hope some of that helps- I’m in the same boat!
Post # 15
Make yourself and your Fiance busy. Busy with work, school, volunteer, hobbies, visiting family and friends, traveling, physical activities (camping, hiking, mountaineering, race training), sports. Those will tire you out. Trust me. Why do u think that parents with young kids actually have to make time for intimacy….temptations are just not enough when the first thing you want to do to flop down in bed and pass out! Good luck!
Post # 16
We didn’t wait for marriage but we did wait for quite a long time. We’re not religious but both of us wanted to be sure we were both comfortable taking that step. My advice would be to appreciate how enjoyable this kind of sexual tension is!
Once you’re having regular sex and are really comfortable with each other, you lose that temptation and tension. It’s really very enjoyable and I think it’s good for your relationship to have this stage where you linger for so long on why you desire each other! We used to make out and drive each other crazy for an hour or so and it’s wonderful intimate time. Now that we’ve been having sex for quite a few years, we never do this anymore, because if we make out it usually leads to sex pretty quickly, which is fun in its own way, but the kind of sexual tension you have now is certainly not without its charm! Maybe accepting that this period is enjoyable and special for its own sake will help a little. Good luck!