(Closed) For all who called off their engagement/wedding.. how did you know?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2019

forevermore :  im in the same situation 🙁 its very tough and it sucks because not only will you be hurting someone so special to you, you have to be heartbroken as well. hope all goes well for you. good luck

Post # 63
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2014

 I know this is a really old post, but I called off a wedding 5+ years ago and like this thread I was waiting for an AHA definitive moment. So I googled this topic all day every day, and I promised myself I would come back and post if I did call it off to hopefully help someone else. Here’s the thing, sometimes you’re with someone that is a nice person and the relationship seems good to everyone but you have a gut feeling that you don’t want to marry them. Thats how I was. There weren’t any red flags or cheating, etc. I just knew it wasn’t right. I put it off until 3 months before and was starting to have anxiety attacks. That’s how I knew that even though I couldn’t put my finger on it, I did not want to get married. It was HARD and the saddest most difficult time of my life since we lived together, had a dog, etc. but it was the best decision I ever made. Trust your gut. I am now happily married to my best friend, and I knew from the moment I met him he was the one. We’re not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.

Post # 64
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I knew that things just didn’t feel right for quite some time. The closer we go to the wedding, the more I was fighting a mad urge to run away.

Then I found out he was lying to me about some very important things (finances, job, living situation)- we were in a LDR so it was easy for me to be unaware- though he had lied to his family about similar things.

Looking back I can see more clearly that

1) He didn’t listen to me

2) He was dismissive of my needs in favour of his own needs

3) He lied to me a lot.

 

People say when it’s right, you know it’s right- and I hope I feel that way someday.

Post # 65
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

avclark :  this is what is going on with me right now. I’m with a really good guy and we have a beautiful wedding planned but in my gut I feel we are wrong for each other for a lot of reasons. No horrible red flags, he’s very nice, but my gut is telling me this is the wrong thing. I feel so conflicted and awful I feel like I want to cling to the comfortable life we have and not answer anyone’s questions it feels so embarrassing (and we have a dog too). It sounds like you are really happy I hope I will be someday too. 

Post # 66
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2017

During our last fight I got this horrible instinctual pang of GO NOW. It was so strong that I had to follow it. Over the next few days of him not even trying to contact me or get back together the feeling just got stronger even though I wished in my heart that it wouldnt. So I followed my gut. If you are asking this question (contemplating it) chances are your instincts are trying to tell you something that your heart might not want to accept. I would listen to your gut. Sending you love and hugs its definitely one of the hardest things to go through/ do <3

Post # 67
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: December 2014

jujubee1 :  My heart really goes out to you because I know exactly how you are feeling. You have nothing to be embarassed about, it’s one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make and it’s smart to take it seriously. If there were no consequences and no feelings were hurt, would you call it off? That’s the ultimate question, becuase I almost went through with it to avoid hurting his feelings, and that wouldn’t have been fair to him in the long run. I realized I could hurt him a little bit at the time or I could hurt him a LOT over the course of our lives. When I did decide to marry someone, I had absolutely no reservations and you deserve that, too. It will be really hard to do, but it’s your life and you have to make the decision that is best for YOU. Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you. P.S. My ex finance is now happily married with a baby. I think by being true to myself I allowed him to have the life he deserved, too. 

Post # 68
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

avclark :  I’m going through very very similar things that you all share. I’ve been with my fiancé for 10 years. We met when I was 16, he was 19. After six months I moved into his parents, they saved me from a horrible life at home. I went to uni at 18, locally and everything worked out until 5 years came and it just wasn’t what I wanted anymore. I felt we grew apart. The attraction was not there, I changed he stayed the same. We drifted without him realising. I broke t off. We parted for 6 months, both found partners. Then I wanted him back, something hit me and I fought for him. He accepted. We’re now 5 years on from the previous 5, we’ve brought a house, i graduated and we got engaged last year. But this year, in August, after buying my dress, I met up with an old friend. We became closer than I ever expected. I’ve fallen for this guy. I didn’t mean to, my feelings took me and this guy is all I’ve ever wanted. Unlike my fiancé, he’s interested in my job, he wants my family to be his own, we share many things in common, we are physically and sexually atteacted, this guy ticks so many boxes. He’s in a long term relationship too. He has a child. He too has fallen out of love with his partner. He made me realise what love felt like… it sounds crazy but he has. When we first met for a catch up, since we hadn’t seen eachother much since school, I showed him my wedding Dress, I was prepared to still walk down the aisle. Until I realised what I shared with him wasn’t what I shared with my fiancé. My fiancé has always been there, he has the kindest heart, he has never hurt me. But he doesn’t share the same values as me. I feel I can’t always be mysel because he’s never accepted my anxieties nor has he valued family as much as me, he never wants to visit my family, my sisters, my Nan. We are not a team. We don’t talk often, we rarely show eachother affection. We just exist. What is life if we are just there to exist?! No relationship is easy, I’ve just been through a 10 year rollercoaster and the grass really isn’t greener on the other side. I feel sick about telling him that we’ve fallen out of love. I look at him and the guilt tears me up inside, knowing this will be the second time il have broken his heart, I did it the first time and he was broken. Shattered. We are set to marry in 7 months. Almost everything is prepped. Expect the suits, rings and honeymoon. It sucks to have to do this to him. We will loose a home I put my inheritance in for. I never expected this to happen, and I feel incredibly guilty for it, but I’ve never experienced love like this. I am still in limbo on what to do, I could really do with advice. Im scared to tell work I could no longer be getting married, I’m scared of disappointing his family, of breaking his heart… but most of all, I’m scared of regretting. 

Post # 69
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2018

stacey21 :  I know it’s been years since your post, but I dientified with your post so much! I have depression, vitamin deficiency and thyroid issues as well and was wondering if all those things factored into my feelings about the wedding and my fiance. I have had feelings about calling things off. I have always had major anxiety with big decisions and I am 31 and feel like I am running out of time. I am so scared to start over and I love my fiance, but don’t know if I am IN LOVE. He is an amazing man. funny, honest, loyal, and everything a woman could dream of, and I keep wondering what is wrong with me that I can’t see the amazing person in front of me. I was curious how things were for you 4 years from your post and what you wound up deciding to do about your engagament.

Post # 70
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

Hello everyone! I’m not sure if I ever gave an update, so here it is: I (as well as my fiance) decided to mutually call off our engagement and broke up about 3 months after my crippling anxiety began. I realized that God was officially stepping in to make me see that this wedding and marriage would not have been right. My fiance knew I didn’t want to be the “med student spouse” as I was trying to make my own way into the world with my career and I wanted to settle down with a family. Although we were high school sweethearts and dated for almost 9 years, we would’ve NEVER made it. I finally came to terms with the fact that he was emotionally and mentally abusive towards me, and that was something I was ashamed I let happen to me.

 

Currently, I am dating a wonderful man. We’ve been together for the last 2.5 years. We live together and have a 2 yr old puppy we’ve been raising since he was 10 weeks old. An engagement is looking pretty good in my future, and this time I know without a doubt that this man is the one whom my soul loves 🙂 Its scary to start over, but I promise, everything works out. Just let go and let God <3

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