Member- Sunshine09
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
There have been too many women that have had to experience the pain of having a miscarriage. Or multiple miscarriage, like me.
So this is dedicated to all of you – my faceless sisters – whom I’ve never met and yet we understand eachother.
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What do I do with these positive sticks now?
That moment they gave me the best news of my life, and now they torture me.
If I throw them out, I lose the last thing I have of you, my wanted baby, my now angel.
If I keep them, I’m only hoarding pain.
What do I do with this feeling of guilt?
Didn’t I pray loud enough?
Didn’t you hear how badly we wanted you?
What do I do with this cramp in my gut?
This pad is uncomfortable and every time I move I’m reminded of why I’m wearing it.
This Tylenol numbs the anger in my belly but not the sadness in my heart.
What do I do with all these plans that I’ve made?
Do I just let them go?
Do I just move on?
What do I do with those sad faces looking at me?
Do I fake a smile and say I’m ok?
Do I break down and make you worry about me?
What do I do to get what I need?
How do I tell to just give me a hug?
I don’t want to hear yet how we’ll try again.
We had it.
It was there.
And now it’s gone.
What do I do with my mirror?
Last time I looked in it I saw a big imaginary belly.
Now I see nothing.
What do I do next time?
How do I trust my body again?
How do I enjoy being pregnant again?
What do I do with my dream?
It used to be so simple.
It used to be so pure.
Now it’s gotten real.
Real scary.
Real hard.
Real life.
Real loss.
Real.
But what do I do with myself?
I survive.
I will thrive.
And now I will never take a child for granted.
Please, let me be next.
Please, let my dream come true.
Please, let me one day hold my dream come true.
