(Closed) For bees who moved farrr away from family

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My family is in MD and FL and I moved to CA with my husband. It helps that his family is also in NJ so… we’re alone together as it were. It’s hard, no lie. Try to stay in contact with them. My mom calls me every Sunday, and she and my dad and brother all have Facebook so we keep up with each other there. We have also made it a point to fly back to the east coast at least once a year to visit family. And they also make an effort to come visit us. And sadly you sort of get used to it over time. 

 

Make an effort to make new friends and do new things to fill your time. Enjoy some of the freedoms that come with not having your family members in the next room over, and of course grow your relationship with your new husband.  

Post # 4
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We live 1100 miles from my family, 2000 from FH’s (he’s lived far away from his family for over 10 years). Since we moved from where my family lives over 4 years ago, we’ve worked to build a community in our new home. It’s taken time, but it’s been worth it! We have great friends now and some neighbors who are our parents age who take interest in us like we’re their own kids. And to be honest, I love our city A LOT more than where we used to live, for many reasons. I wouldn’t hesistate to stay here, even given the distance from our families. (The fact that we could afford to buy a house here as a couple in their late 20s-early 30s, with me as a grad student really helps us love it. It wouldn’t be possible where we lived before.) It’s just an awesome place all around! So the main reason why we’re not homesick, is because we feel we ARE home!

 

That said, I went from seeing my mom almost daily as we worked in the same hospital complex, to now seeing her only 3-5 times a year. So it was a big change. I do talk to my mom or sister almost every day over phone or email. My mom has now adjusted to the distance, saying she feels even closer to me now, than when we lived in the same place! I’d have to agree! We visit FH’s family once a year. His parents are retired, so they come to visit us 4 times a year. I find it really comforting to have our families visit US as having them in our home helps create nice memories.

 

Video chat is also helpful. We don’t always get to travel on holidays due to the expense and that’s been hard on our families. But we always Skype in and they put the iPad at the dinner table so we can see everyone! We’ve started our own holiday traditions and proposed new traditions for our families so we can all get together for special occasions. My FH’s and mom’s birthdays are close together, so we’re going to do a big family trip. I found this discussion about holidays as a new family really helpful: http://apracticalwedding.com/2012/11/the-holiday-talk/

Post # 5
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  I moved out of the country a few years ago. Leaving my mom was the hardest part. We’re super close. I think the distance was good for us, though… we were a little too dependant on one another. Skype and Facebook have been CRUCIAL. And the occassional international visit :o)

Post # 6
Member
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

@Galang_Gyal:  I really really miss my family.  I’m almost 7000 miles away and a 7/8 hour time difference depending on daylight saving.

 

Skype is great, I purchased a package so even though the grandparents can’t use Skype I can still ring them cheap.  (It’s 79p for 60 minutes to landlines per month).

 

I’m fortunate that my Dad works nearby (though it’s still over a 1000 miles, the time difference is only an hour) so even though I probably speak to him less than the rest of my family I feel I have “local” support.

 

SO has also found that planning when our next trip home really helps us to focus. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am a few hundred miles away. I still travel back for some occasions, even if FH can’t go with me (my job is more flexible with time off). I try to pick a few important times a year so I can see everyone.

I also really like facebook, it sounds silly, but even knowing the most mundane details of your family’s day (Susie had cheerio’s for dinner, Billy tripped on the sidewalk, etc) make me feel more connected and less distant.

Post # 8
Member
2305 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

We’re in North Dakota, my family is in Canada and his is in California. What helps me with distance is Facebook, Skype, WhatsApp, Skype, or other online things. It allows me to feel like i’m apart of what’s going on back home. And having my SO to rely on is huge- he is my family, and I get to share this new steage in my life with him. My mom and I talk every day online, and it’s hard that our relationship is through the computer but it allows me to keep contact with her. 

Post # 9
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Hubby and I are from Florida and we are now living in Colorado. We left our family and friends 2 months in our marriage. It was a tough move for me since I am very close to my family. The first two weeks were extremely hard for me and sometimes, I couldn’t help but cry. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to continue to feel homesick so hubby and I emersed ourselves with getting our place settled and decorated. I still miss my family but I know it gets better. I talk to my mom everyday over the phone which helps me feel close to her even though I am far away. I FaceTime a lot with both my parents, brother, SIL, grandmothers and my nephew. It helps our distance seem less by staying in constant contact with each other. 

Post # 10
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My family is in Indiana and I’ve bounced between CA, TX, and GA.  Cell phones work wonders; I talk to my mom multiple times a week.

Post # 11
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

@Galang_Gyal:  I’ve been living 450 miles away from my family for the past 7 years, ever since college, but at this distance I can still see them regularly (my mom works in Buffalo, NY so she and I usually see each other once a month or more). I am moving in 2 months to San Jose, CA to live with my boyfriend which will put me 2,400 miles away – a pretty significant change!

Keep up your contact with family/friends. Don’t let that slide because you’re far away. Skype regularly (make “dates” if you have to – I do this with my college bff, we have a regular, pre-scheduled Skype date once a month), call often, write letters. Visit when you can. And make new friends where you live!

Join a couple of classes, go to local events. If you’ve got a lot going on in your new place, you won’t be thinking about everything you miss about the old. And definitely work to make your new home as homey as possible so you feel less nostalgic for your old home.

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  My SO and I live in Canada, and his parents, newphews, sister, etc. all live in the UK. We visit once a year and make the most of it, and he Skypes with them at least once a week, and emails every couple of days.

We want to move to the US in a few years, so I will be dealing with being away from my family as well. 

My sister studied abroad for a year, and it was weird not seeing her often, but we managed. It seems like the time you do spend together is more special, and really, email and Skype are awesome. Imagine how it would have been back even in the 80s! I used to love receiving packages from her, and sending her packages as well. We made it fun.

Of course it’s going to be hard, and an adjustment… all change is… but being with your Fiance is worth it. I think that at least for the first little while, keeping busy is key. Try to make some new friends, hobbies, etc… really immerse yourself in your new city. That way you’ll adjust without sitting there twiddling your thumbs missing people.

Post # 13
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I moved 400 miles away from home to go to college, now I’m employed in a specialized field that doesn’t exist at home, so Fiance followed me here. When I started college they prevented us from getting homesick by scheduling activities until we dropped; staying busy really helps. We go back home every 3 or 4 months to visit for the weekend. I call my dad who was forced into early retirement while I commute everyday (I walk). I used to skype and such, but after about 3 years we stoped and really just rely on the phone now.

My best friend moved to Switzerland last year and we have a scheduled skype date every two weeks where we talk for a couple of hours. Scheduling it really helps us keep in touch.

FI’s parents probably handle the distance the worst (we’re from the same hometown). He calls them about every two weeks which isn’t really enough for his mother. She’s having trouble coming to the realization that she can’t control his life anymore. Fiance has confided in me that he actually likes how far we are from his parents because it means that when he’s had enough of the drama all he has to do is hang up the phone and it’s gone. We also know that his mother is never going to be able to just drop in on us.

Post # 14
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Galang_Gyal:  I cannot relate to this at all: after growing up in a very religious household, I moved very very far away after college intentionally.  I still have regular contact with my family, but I find that I prefer them in small doses vs constant saturation.

 

That being said, we did have to move for my SO’s job last year, which put us about 5 minutes from *his* family that he’d, until then, been across the country from.  He was thrilled to be so close to them, and saw them every single day, which sounds a little more similar to the relationship you have with your family.  When we moved back 9 months later, he was sad. But what has been helping him is talking to them daily and focusing on planning fun vacations with them ๐Ÿ™‚

 

I know another thing that has helped him is his view that while he is away from his immediate family, we have one of our own (the two of us and our two dogs).  You’re building a new life together ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Galang_Gyal:  I moved to GA for work and both sides of my fam and FI’s fam are in PA (except my dad is in FL and my mom eneded up moving here). We have built a super strong friend base of all transplants from the Northeast and we call it our “Southern family”. Most of these friends have started having kids, etc and we’re very supportive of each other in the way the families would be–watching kids on a moment’s notice, helping with household stuff (painting parties!), and scheduling holidays together when we’re not traveling home.

Post # 16
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I moved 500 miles to be with Fiance, and at first I experienced no homesickness at all, lol.  I got a smidge during the holidays but overall I was enjoying growing and nurturing my new relationship with Fiance.  We’ve been back twice and while I am having a heavy bout of homesickness now coupled with the fact we can’t really plan our next trip yet since it will all depend on vacation for wedding stuff (we’re going away for it just us) it’s been hard.  I think calling and FB definitely help loads, making an effort to make new friends and keep busy in your new home help too.  Even going for a happy hour with a work friend once every month or so will make things seem like normal, I think. ๐Ÿ™‚

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