(Closed) For Fun: What debatable etiquettes for a wedding are acceptable where you live?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Location: Ohio

“The Gap” – Very acceptable for Catholic weddings which usually must be an early afternoon ceremony. There’s no way around it unless you want to start your reception at 3:00pm which is just akward.

Cash bars: I’ve never seen one

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: Nope, unless it is a shower thrown by coworkers.

Including gift list/information in invitation: Only for shower invites since they are not sent by the couple

It’s so interesting to learn how regional etiquette can be. I’ve learned to not take all advice here as black and white because it’s more important to know what’s appropriate in your region and social circle.

Post # 17
Member
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

Keep in mind I’ve only been to a tiny handful of weddings, so my opinion might not be all that broad:

Location– Bay Area, California

Money Dance– If you’re of Hispanic descent, then totally expected and welcomed. If you’re not, then possibly confusing, but not a huge deal.

Cash Bars- Sure, why not?

Including registry information with the invite- Thanks for letting me know where to shop! Super simple and convenient!

Honeyfunds- Awesome, we’d love to support your amazing experience, you don’t really need another toaster anyway.

Again, my pool of experiences is small, but maybe I just hang out with really chill people?

Post # 18
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m in Western Canada,  Saskatchewan to be specific. 

Cash bars, usually toonie (so $2 per drink) are the norm. I’ve only been to one open bar wedding, and I’ve been to many weddings. I always bring cash.

Save-The-Date Cards are uncommon. I’ve only ever received one. People send out invites 4-6 months in advance so they aren’t really necessary. I wouldn’t say they’re considered poor etiquette though.

Inviting people to a shower when they aren’t invited to the wedding would be incredibly rude. The stagette party, not such a big deal. 

Registry information is always included with the invitation. I’ve never received an invitation without it, and had no idea it was seen as rude or gift grabby to include it until I joined the Bee.

Post # 19
Member
2447 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Mamajacket:  I lol’d at your cash bar comment, my thoughts exactly. 

Post # 20
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Location:  Ohio 

Cash bars: Acceptable but a huge bummer lol 

Save-The-Date Cards:  not unacceptable but not expected

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding:  rude for the most part … There are some situations for bachelorette parties (with no gifts) I have seen as acceptable 

Inclauding gift list/information in invitation: Acceptable I kind of prefer it as a guest bc the fact is your getting a present from me if much rather it be something you actually want….. I will prob end up but on the insert that registry info can be found on our wedding website and leaving it at that so it’s an option for those who prefer it but not in your face 

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DOLLAR DANCES: this is very common but I’m pretty ehh on it … I plan on doing it but with a charity like I’m an animal person and I would like to include on our wedding website or somewjere that in lieu of a dollar dance we would like you to bring a donation item off this list to dance with the bride or the groom ….I get to have the fun of it without feeling icky about it (but at the same time it really doesn’t bother me when others do it )

Post # 21
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

 

This is my personal take on everything. 

Location: Pittsburgh, PA 

Cash bars: Hell to the NO.

Save-The-Date Cards: Acceptable but not necessary.

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: Not acceptable.

Including gift list/information in invitation: Only acceptable on the shower invitation. 

Dollar Dance: not really expected but not a “no-no”. it seems to be big with the polish community which a lot of people in the area are a part of. 

Paying for bridal party attire: usually falls upon the bridal party but occasionally covered by the bride and groom as a “gift”. 

Also, I will note Friday weddings seem to be popping up more often around our area and are generally pretty well accepted. Sunday or weekday weddings seem pretty rare still. 

Post # 22
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Location: South Carolina

Cash bars: Well, you might have one but don’t expect people to have a good time like the would if you didn’t, and they will probably talk about you. Bless your heart!

Potluck: Perfectly acceptable and kind of expected if the couple are young.

Save-The-Date Cards: Kind of a new thing around here. I had never heard of them until the Bee. 

More than one shower: Perfectly acceptable. Not acceptable to invite everyone to all of them.

Engagement parties: Not really unacceptable or acceptable, just not really a normal thing.

Paying for bridal party attire: Not usually a thing, but it happens. 

Expecting parents to pay: Perfectly acceptable, even if you are 30. However, someof us are smart enough to know that we should not rely on our parents for this. 

Post # 23
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve lived all over the US, but my primary social circle (and my family circle) are pure (north)East Coast, USA:

Cash bar: No.

Inviting people to shower-like parties but not the wedding: No.

Dollar dances and their relatives: No.  (Given my ethnic background, I’ll bet these were done, at least at family weddings, during previous generations, but I have only seen one in the last five years or so.)

Including registry cards/requests for any specific type of gift/poems on the wedding invite: God no.

Post # 24
Member
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ohio/Kentucky here

Cash bars: Acceptable

Inviting people to other events but not wedding : Unacceptable

Dollar dances: Acceptable

Including registry info on invites: Unacceptable

Honeymoon registry: Acceptable

Bridal party paying for outfits: Acceptable

Post # 25
Member
9039 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Location: Victoria, Australia

Potluck: Never heard of it until the bee and it would be extremely unacceptable for guests to bring a dish to a wedding where I am (some couples may have mothers/aunts pitch in to make food).

Money Dance: Is purely a cultural thing and is acceptable in those cultures. Outside of that it would be a big WTF!

Paying for bridal party attire: Bride and groom pay where I am.

Bridal Shower: No such thing where I am and would be considered rude and gift grabby. We have a kitchen tea that is like a shower with games and food but no presents.

STD’s: perfectly fine but usually only for destination weddings or weddings on holidays or that involve some kind of travel.

Cash Bar: Would be considered rude. Usually though the bar at a wedding is limited to beer, wine and soft drinks.

Gaps: If the wedding is held at a church then a gap is expected.

Honeyfunds/cash registries: most people would laugh at the couoles stupidity for paying someone to collect money for them and then give cash in the card.

Bridal Registries: Not really done mostly because it is only offered by the higher end stores (so no target)

Inviting people to hens/bucks when not invited to the wedding: Mostly find that with women it doesn’t really happen unless it is a small initmate wedding and then usually the bride has no idea friends are even throwing her one.

Bucks nights on the other hand. The men just seem to invite themselves along because they want an excuse to go out with other blokes (going to the football/cricket is a common activity here).

Engagement Parties: common and yes they are a gift giving event.

Inviting SO’s: considered rude not to. I didn’t even know people felt they had the right to judge others relationships based on their marital status/living arrangements before the bee. You have a partner here they get invited. Truly single people are usually the only ones not to get a plus one but even then they often are.

 

Post # 26
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee

j_jaye:  I’m in NSW, Australia and +1 to everything you’ve said!

Especially cash bars. I did not know that was a thing!!!

Post # 27
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

I live in the Province of Québec, Canada. 

Acceptable :

Cash bars

Potlucks

Dollar dance (traditional in many families)

”Cover your plate” as a rule of thumb for guests, since cash gifts are the norm and people sometimes struggle to determine how much they should give. For many people, it’s even considered basic politeness. 

Tiered reception (close family attends wedding ceremony and banquet, friends and coworkers join later to dance). 

Mostly unheard of :

Registries (would raise eyebrows)

Engagement parties (I didn’t know it was a thing)

Bridal showers (the bachelor/bachelorette night out is very popular, though)

Open bar (most venues we visited simply do not allow it).

 

Post # 28
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Location: St Louis, MO

Cash bars: Unacceptable in my social circle

Save-The-Date Cards: Not unacceptable, but not expected

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: BIG no no

Inclauding gift list/information in invitation: RUDE

Dollar Dances: People do it, and they’re called “tacky”

Cash Registries: Rude and tacky

Crazy how so much depends on where you live! We are in one of the only large cities in MO, and also the largest, so it’s quite possible that things are very different even an hour away.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  juliaGG.
Post # 29
Member
1527 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

Also, we almost NEVER see a “plus one”. Your SO is invited but if you are single, no date for you. lol

Post # 30
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

FromA2B2013:  Location: midwest

 

Cash bars:  doesn’t happen often but nobody is offended by them and typically if there is anything that guest are being charged for, there will also be like free beer at least 

STD’s: becoming expected.  I was not planning on sending them until I had at least 10 people say that they were going to put our date in their calendar as soon as they got the save the date.  So save the dates were sent! 

Inviting people to showers/parties and not the wedding: unheard of. EXCEPTION: coworkers can throw a shower and not be invited to the wedding

Including gift list/information in the invite: common

Who pays for bridesmaid dresses: bridesmaids 

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