(Closed) For Fun: What debatable etiquettes for a wedding are acceptable where you live?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This is interesting!

location – Scotland

cash bars – acceptable and even expected, I have never been to a wedding with an open bar.

STDs – becoming more common but not expected.

showers – they dont exist here, would be seen as gift grabby and rude. 

wedding party attire – bride and groom pay and get to choose what the party wears (with consultation obviously!)

‘Tiered weddings’ – where some guests only come to the reception and not the ceremony – very common. 

you our can also get married pretty much anywhere here (different to England and Wales) and humanist weddings are legal and very common. I got married on a beach! 

 

Post # 47
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

I’m an American living in Japan. I’ll answer the questions based on Japanese etiquette.

Location: Sapporo, Northern Japan

Cash bars: Unacceptable. Open bar is the norm.

Alcohol free wedding: Unacceptable. They love to drink here.

Potluck/Backyard BBQ: Unacceptable. Hardly anyone’s house/yard is that big and a full course plated French dinner in a hotel banquet hall is the standard. Maybe buffet style in a restaurant is ok but that’s as casual as it gets here.

Outdoor wedding: Not very common. They don’t want guests to be uncomfortable.

Save the Dates: Not very common.

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: There aren’t any parties or showers.

Including gift list/information in invitation: No gift registries. Cash gifts are the norm. In my part of Japan, people are not well off so the cost of dinner is explicitly written in the invitation and guests cover the cost of their plate, normally about $150. In other parts of Japan, there is no cost of dinner written explicitly but proper etiquette is to bring at least $300 in order to cover the cost of your plate. Weddings are more lavish down there on the mainland.

Wedding favors: A must! In my area the cost is around $10-$20 per favor and it’s usually something edible, like a pound cake. In other parts of Japan with the lavish weddings, favors are around $50 per person, and are either household items like dishes, or can be chosen from a catalog.

+1: No way, not even if you are married. Only people who personally know the couple are invited. 

Tiered reception: Normal. Usually the ceremony is family only unless the church is really big, reception is family, coworkers, and close friends, and the after party is for friends only.

Wedding party attire: Wedding parties aren’t common here. But I think if there was a wedding party, the bride and groom would pay for attire.

Dollar dance: Doesn’t exist. No dancing at all at Japanese weddings.

Post # 49
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Location: Massachusetts w/ half the guests coming from so cal

Cash bars: Acceptable

STDs: required for my family as they live in so cal and the wedding is going to be here in mass.

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: NO!!! You just don’t do that!

Including gift list/information in invitation: Yes, expected by his family. But really anything we do in this regard will look classier than his brother who posted his registry on facebook. As long as we don’t follow his brothers footsteps and post our registry on facebook that is lol.

 

 

Post # 50
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is interesting!

I’m in Queensland, Australia.

Cash bars: NO.

STD: Either way, not essential but not uncommon.

Inviting people to parties & showers but not wedding: NO, however I have seen this happen on a few occasions.

Including gift list / information with invitation: Normal. It’s also normal for the bride & groom to include some kind of poem about wanting money instead of gifts, but I think this is so tacky.

Potluck / backyard wedding: No.

Wedding party attire: Bridesmaids / groomsmen buy their own main attire (suit, dresses) & couple contributes all accessories, hair, makeup etc. I think that this can go either way though with some couples purchasing everything for their parties & some parties paying for everything, depending on the couples individual social circles. I just made sure to establish our preferences with my bridesmaids right a tthe start.

 

Post # 51
Member
574 posts
Busy bee

Southwest England. I think a lot depends on individual social circle as well. Like I and my family, close friends hate the poems asking for cash in an invite and find them unexceptable but i have other friends who do it and think it’s perfectly fine. 

Acceptable 

cash bars 

save the dates 

cash bars I think most people expect them. 

Destination wedding with a party back home 

 

not as acceptable but sometimes still done 

asking the wedding party to pay for their outfits 

registry or asking for cash in invitations 

engagement parties (everyone I know who’s done it has asked for gifts and most people invited are like what??) 

having everyone at the hen do. As we don’t do gifts. 

Wearing white. 

Also ive noticed baby showers becoming more common but some people feel it should only be for the first child and some for any child.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 52
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Location: Michigan

Cash bars: Never! Espcially the region of Michigan I’m from, which is not Detoit/Ann Arbor/etc. Free alcohol is expected unless it’s a punch and cake church reception.

STDs: Expected. But I didn’t do them because I think they are an incredible waste of money. 

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: Please no! This happened to me otherwise it never would have crossed my mind. And the way the Bridesmaid or Best Man went about inviting me to the shower was ridiculous. She made sure I knew I wasn’t invited to the wedding when she handed me the invite.

Including gift list/information in invitation: I’ve seen it done over and over and no one seems to mind. A lot of us think, why should the registry info be word of mouth? So much easier to have it in the invite. Just a little card mentioning where the bride and groom have registered at. I’m still on the fence as to whether we are going to do this or not. 

To add to your list, our little slice of heaven doesn’t seem to care about a whole lot. As long as there is music for dancing with some country tunes, free booze, food, and cake, everyone is happy. Most weddings I have been to are buffet style and cost 15k or less. You want to wear a super formal dress at 2? Go for it. The crazy red neck uncle might show up in his best Carharts with a flowery Hawaiian style shirt and that is going to have to be okay. Hopefully he didn’t decide to do chores after he got dressed.

ETA: We gotta have the dollar dance and BMs pay for their own stuff. They do get a nice gift and if the bride is nice, it’s something reusable and not wedding specific. My sister gave us jewelry to wear with our dresses and I have worn it many more times. The necklace and earrings were really pretty. 

One more edit: The plus 1 thing. It is very common to have guests bring a friend or SO if one wasn’t listed on the invitation. This is something I’m having trouble with because I have no idea how to tell people that my venue is small and this won’t be a 200+ bash at the local hall. Each guest is special to me and there isn’t room for extras. Everybody around here assumes they can bring a date if they are single. That includes great aunts who want to bring a friend after their husbands pass.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by PeachyMama.
  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by PeachyMama.
Post # 53
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee

Location : Puerto Rico

* with our culture being a little all over the place with is preserving our Euro (Spain) heritage but still having the American influence you see a little bit of everything. And also most things will depend on social circle too. 

– Being in the Caribbean, we tend to be very chill and not get all fired up about things very easily. In general, We assume that what the couple is offering us as guests, is what they coukd afford and however they wanted to celebrate their special day. And that is good enough. 

– STDs definitely not the norm.

– invitations. Usually delivered by hand at family and friends gatherings. Usually around 4 weeks before the wedding. By then, mostly everyone knows about the wedding because you’ve talked to them at family gatherings or phone calls etc.

– bridal showers are not a thing. Guests will bring a gift to the wedding and that’s it.

– bachelor/bachelorette are not that uncommon. However, it consists merely of a night out with friends. Not a fancy event where it is expected to have your bridal party spend more money on you

– bridal party – their job is pretty much be there for you as a couple on the wedding day. They are usually people very close and dear to you. Usally bridal parties are not big. And it is not unusual for the bride and groom to cover foot the bill for the clothing if they want a specific look. It is not uncommon either for the bridal party to pay for their outfits but then brides try in general to keep the cost low. It’s considered very rude to choose a $300 dress, then impose a specific shoe and accesories they need to wear and pay for and make your bridal party spend over $500 on your day. Um just no.

– cash bars are definitely not a thing. You either pay for the alcohol or have an alcohol free wedding. Some people just have unlimited beer and drinks with rum and that’s perfectly acceptable

– Registry cards or gift mention on invitation. No one gets annoyed and it’s not uncommon.I’d say even expected and kind of a courtesy to guests so they don’t have to either figure out for themselves or give you something that’s not what you want and will not get used . I.e. Waste of money.

– buffet dinner is the norm. I’ve never been to a wedding where dinner was plated. Probably because we have like a million family members and friends lol. Only times I think this happens is when you have a small wedding at a restaurant or small hotel.

– taking the centerpieces… UGH yeah. It’s kind of tradition and used to be the norm. Now younger generations don’t do this normally as they are more aware of the cost and the fact that sometimes it’s just rented equipment or it belongs to the venue.

 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Sporty-Bee.
Post # 54
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I preface this with the fact that I haven’t been to a ton of weddings. My friends are getting to that age, though.

Location: Philadelphia

Cash bars: Nope.

STDs: It’s acceptable, and more common.

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: Nope.

Inclauding gift list/information in invitation: I haven’t seen it on any invitations, but I personally wouldn’t care.

Dollar dances are not seen here, but none of my friends or family have an issue with a honeymoon registry.

Post # 55
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ve been to a lot of weddings all over the UK and this is my understanding of etiquette here: 

Cash Bar: Everyone *always* hopes for a free bar but if it’s cash then this is totally accepted. Annoyingly a lot of venues won’t accept card payment so you really do need to bring cash! It’s expected though that wine & champagne/prosecco will be provided for the meal and toasts. 

 

STDs: Not expected. Usually only sent if the wedding is being planned a lonng way in advance. 

 

Engagement Parties: Rare and somewhat sniffed at for being attention grabbing!  

 

Paying for wedding party attire: Usually expected though NEVER demanded and it’s good etiquette to offer to pay before being told the bride & groom are covering it. 

 

Including gift info on invite: Totally expected and very confusing if not mentioned at all!

 

Asking for money as gift: Pretty common these days but god awful cutesy poetry asking for money is usually ridiculed (in private between you and your SO though! NOT in front of the bride and groom!) 

 

Inviting to hen/stag do but not wedding: Not very common, only in very particular circumstances (e.g work colleagues)

 

Bridal showers: NOOOOO! This would seriously be the worst etiquette ever in the UK! It would seem very rude and nobody would react well to it!

 

Post # 56
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
jily:  We’re actually getting married in Chicago, because most of my family lives there! But Fiance and I have been in NYC for years and most of my married friends have gotten married here, so I feel like I know more about the etiquette of NYC weddings than Chicago weddings, haha. Where in NYC are you getting married?

Post # 57
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Also if you ask for money most couples will give on average about £50 (per couple, not each). If you’re super close or part of the bridal party you might gift up to £100. 

We had a registry at a department store and one couple bought us a gorgeous gift for £90 which we were really taken aback at (we thought only a family member would splash out that much) Likewise another couple only got us a £20 gift which we thought was a bit stingy (but obviously thanked them graciously!!!) 

Family members also usually give a private monetary gift either for house stuff of towards your honeymoon. 

Post # 58
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Location: Toronto

Cash bars: Never

STDs: I’ve never gotten one!

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: Most of the time that is a definite no. For me it is for sure.

Inclauding gift list/information in invitation: I’ve gotten 2 invites this year that had *cash gifts only*… but personally I wouldn’t.

 

Post # 59
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

View original reply
FantasticFawn:  married at a historic mansion on LI in Old Westbury. Needed a smaller venue and could never afford Manhattan prices. 

Post # 60
Member
975 posts
Busy bee

We live in Chicago:

Not common/Frowned upon

Cash bar

Potluck

“Open” seating (not enough seats for all the guests)

Boxed gifts to the wedding

Engagement parties

Tiered invites

Honeyfunds/cash registries

 

Common/Acceptable

Dollar dances (especially with my friends from the southern suburbs or southern part of the state)

Registry information on invites (I personally hate this, but its becoming very common)

B List invites 

Cash gifts (although asking for cash is not!)

Big bridal showers and lavish bachelor/bachelorette parties

Open bar (most people spring for premium alcohol)

Cupcakes or other desserts instead of wedding cake

No favors

Afterparties or hosted breakfasts the next day

Ceremonies are all over the board (outdoors, hotels, churches, etc) and all are equally acceptable (when I lived in NC, if you didn’t get married in a church, people talked about you!)

 

 

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