(Closed) For Fun: What debatable etiquettes for a wedding are acceptable where you live?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Me again- thought of a few more

location – northern England

 

Showers: NOOOOO! It would be seen as massively gift grabby. I’d be embarrassed to have one thrown for me. Ditto baby showers which according to Facebook seem to be increasonly popular (much to my dislike). 

Bridesmaids/ushers attire: If the couple want to insist on something being worn, they should pay for it. 

bridesmaid makeup/hair: discretion and depends on situation. I’m offering my bridesmaids to have their hair dobe by my hairdresser buy I’m doing my own makeup to save money (so I’m not about to get someone in for them)

honeyfunds etc: As with money poems, I’d probably have a laugh after the wedding about it. I’m not a fan of asking for cash but I’d rather a couple were straight instead of trying to mask it with cute-ness. 

Engagement parties: not a thing generally but I’ve. Known couples throw one of they’re planning a lengthy engagement. No gifts expected at all. If they expect gifts, people would talk. 

Rehearsal dinners: not a thing to my knowledge

bridal party duties: turn up on the day and be moral support for bride/groom. Nothing like the job descriptions I’ve read on the bee! Generally best man and maid of honour will arrange the hen/stag night. Best man makes a speech. 

Throwing your own hen/stag: acceptable as no gifts are expected  I’m having quite a bit of input for my night (I want to make sure it doesn’t get silly expensive or extravagant)  FI is leaving it all to best man.

 

 

Post # 62
Member
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Location: Alberta

Shipping the Gifts to the Bride & Groom’s Home: This is rarely done.  Every wedding I have been to has a gift table and people sometimes get creatives with wrapping ie. inside jokes.  In store pick-up is also done at every store I know of besides the newcomers (ie. BB&B).

Cash Bar: Depends on the social circle.  I think twice about it at a banquet-type venue.  I think a twoonie bar is much more accepted when it’s at a hall or a barn.  Sometimes it’s even serve yourself.

The Gap: It’s expected when the ceremony is done in a church, not just for Catholic weddings.

Post # 63
Member
496 posts
Helper bee

Love this idea!!

Location: Northwest Ohio

Cash bars: Unacceptable? Never been to one. 

STDs: Acceptable but not expected

Including Registry information in invitation: Acceptable! I don’t think I’ve received an invitiation without it!  Can’t imagine making people call around to find out where the couple is registered.

Seating Charts: Never expected – may be considered too pushy, especially in my circle.  I’ve only been to one wedding with a seating chart. (Also the smallest wedding I’ve ever been to, and not in my family, so that’s probably why!)

Large “Catholic” Gap: Normal and expected! (i.e., wedding at 1:30 and reception around 5:00).  Leads to…

Afternoon Reception for Family/Close Friends: In our family, since the gap is often so long, we usually have an afternoon reception for close family and friends, invited using a small extra card.  This is often at another location from the full evening reception, but doesn’t have to be.  Also our weddings tend to be local for our family.

Dollar Dance/Dollar Dash: Expected – I don’t think I’ve been to a wedding without one.

Paying for Bridal Party Attire: The bridal party are expected to pay for their own attire.

Engagement Parties: Never heard of them before – think I’ve only seen them in movies!

Post # 64
Member
9 posts
Newbee

View original reply
LadyPeacockk:  What in the world is the dollar dance I’m reading about in this thread?! I’m in the US, New Jersey/PA area….

Post # 65
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This is such a cool thread. So nice to see how each area is different!

Location: Maine

Save the Dates: Acceptable expecially if guests are spread out and need notice to travel

Seating Charts: I think we would be lost without one!

Gap: Heard of a few but never in my family/friends weddings

Dollar Dance: Younger crowd – Never acceptable ~ Older generation – tradition and expected

Paying for Bridal Party Attire: Bridal Parties responsibility for clothing, Brides responsibility for hair/makeup

Engagement Parties: Never heard of them until I joined the Bee

Cash Bars: Normal, sometimes drink tickets then cash bar

Inviting people to showers but not wedding: Not acceptable (however I have a few of the older generation trying to get me to do it)

Honeyfund: No

Parents Pay for Wedding: Not common unless in upperclass (always see parents help out in other ways than paying for whole thing)

Inviting SO’s: Married or serious dating only

Potluck: Common for small family only weddings

Gift info on Invite: Nope, but okay to put on website or spread by word of mouth

Kids at Wedding: 50/50 acceptable either way. Depends on time of reception. Have seen people bring thier own babysitter and have them wait in hotel room

Post # 66
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

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littlegirlofthesea:  I don’t know how it’s interpreted in other cultures, but from what I’ve learned from my FI’s Mexican culture and the few weddings I’ve been to with it, it’s a fun and fast-paced dance (not a specific dance type or to a specific song) where guests each take turns dancing with both the bride and groom individually. As they dance they can pin (using either real pins or safety pins, though I know some couples just use a basket) dollars to their clothes. It’s just another fun way to gift something to the couple. It’s definitely NOT a requirement for the guests to do like a lot of bees seem to think, and there’s no minimum or maximum amount you can give. It’s not like someone’s keeping tabs to make sure you donate at least a $20 to get your dance.

Post # 67
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Location – Scotland

Cash bar – Expected and totally acceptable. I’ve never been to a wedding with an open bar and I don’t think anyone would even expect it. My dad put £200 behind the bar at my wedding but after that people paid for their own. There was wine on the tables and sparkling wine for after the ceremony and during the toasts but that was it.

STDs – Never been sent one but don’t think they’re a bad idea at all.

Putting gift list info in invitation – Don’t have a problem with it, I did this and there were no complaints. It was a little card with something along the lines of “if you’d like to get us a gift” etc.

Paying for bridal party attire – I paid for my sister’s dress and for her to get hair, nails and make up done. The best man had his own kilt so he was sorted. Otherwise we would have paid the cost of hiring it.

Interesting fact about Scottish weddings is that you can get married anywhere you like, even halfway up Ben Nevis if you’d a mind to. You do have to apply for a licence for the location if it doesn’t already have one but there aren’t any other restrictions that I’m aware of.

Something that annoys me about weddings is kids being listed as “and family” on the invitation. Chances are, if you’re inviting kids, you know their names, so put the names on the invitation! I always hated being called “and family” on invitations, Christmas cards etc so I make a point of never doing it. I also can’t stand the poems asking for money as a gift. I just find them quite tacky, but I’m not a fan of poetry in general so maybe that has something to do with it!

Post # 68
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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littlegirlofthesea:  It’s a fun dance and all the guys line up to dance with the bride and all the ladies line up to dance with the groom. It usually takes a couple of songs to get everyone through. And basically, the guest gives a dollar to dance. Sometimes a guest will give a bigger bill. Usually a Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen collect the cash for the couple. 

Post # 69
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: dont know

Northeastern Pennsylvania

I live in an area where people range from wealthy to dirt poor so anything can happen.  Ive only been to one wedding and that was my neighbors, all of my cousins live out of state so we couldnt go to any of theirs.

Cash bars: possible but rude

gaps: the one i went to had one, they got changed into less formal attire and got the food ready etc the wait was only an hour or 2

engagement parties: some have them, but i dont think they have gifts

inviting to bachelor/ette, or other parties: depends on who is in charge of the bachelor/ette party, but I was invited to my one cousin’s rehearsal dinner and not the wedding.  I thought that was rude

potlucks: acceptable unless you’re rich

dollar dance: dont even know what that is

save the dates: like I said i all my family lives far away so Ive only ever gotten these

paying for bridemaid and groomsmen attire: if youre really nice, Id like to do it but everyone acted like I’m crazy.  I only plan on having one or 2 though.

seating charts: everyone does it, my uncle got mad at my mom for hers back when she got married.

alcohol free wedding: totally un-fun.  The only wedding I went to was like this, such a drag.

someone I know went to a wedding that had donuts instead of a cake, I thought that was cheap and they should have just baked one themselves or eloped, but that’s just me.

honeyfund: don’t know what that is but if its asking for money for a honeymoon sounds like a nice idea, but i expect the people I know would freak out.

 

Post # 70
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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littlegirlofthesea:  basically at some pint mid reception they will announce for dollar dances the bride a groom stand in their own side of the dance floor and the maid of honor and beat man stand beside the bride and groom with baskets/hats/bowls etc to collect the money … People line up to either dance with the bride or groom for a short period depending on how long the lines get could be 30 secs could be longer whatever u want it to be and in order to dance with the bride or groom you must give $1 and the one with the most money in their hate at the end is the “winner” then the money is kept by the couple 

Post # 71
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Excuse my typos my phone thinks it knows better than me 

Post # 72
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

View original reply
Countrygirl2014:  Wait, you thought a couple should have eloped because they had donuts for dessert instead of cake? Huh. Interesting.

Post # 73
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Alberta, Canada 

Cash bars: I’be been told that they’re fine here, but I’ve never been to a wedding that had a bar at all. They’ve all been dry. 

STD’s: Not common and people get them confused with invitations sometimes. 

Including registry information in invitation: common and expected! 

Inviting to the shower but not the wedding: Common, but most showers are thrown by the couple’s church/ mothers and are quite different than what most people here describe. 

Outright asking for money: also common and not seen as rude. 

Inviting to ceremony but not reception: Common in about half my circle, uncommon but not frowned upon by the other half. 

MOB throwing a shower: if she doesnt throw her daughter a shower people start asking if she doesn’t approve of the marraige. It is always done.

Honestly  when I first saw the conversations on here about all of these not being acceptable I was confused! They are all EXTREMELY common among my circle and I didn’t know that they weren’t among others!

Post # 74
Member
9 posts
Newbee

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LadyPeacockk:  wow… how interesting! My SO would definitely not go for that, but sounds like a fun way to get a lot of your guests involved and make some extra money! 🙂

Post # 75
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Location: Germany

Cash bars: I never even knew that something like that existed before I came on the Bee. Where I live this would be considered plain rude. If you can’t pay for people’s drinks, don’t invite them. Free beer and wine would be totally sufficient, though. No need for hard liquors and mixed drinks.

STDs: definitely not expected, but it’s becoming more common

Bridal showers: considered gift-grabby by many (me included), even though showers are becoming more and more popular

Inviting people to parties but not the wedding: It’s very common here to have a pre-wedding party (which we call “Polterabend”) where you invite everyone who is invited to the wedding PLUS friends and acquaintances that you couldn’t invite to the wedding. People aren’t expected to bring gifts, though. Inviting people to the bachelorette (or shower, if you choose to have one) and not the wedding would be a big no go, though.

Including gift information on the invitation: Not only acceptable, but expected. Also it’s 100% okay to ask for cash gifts on the invitation.

Not bringing a gift to the wedding: NO! Just NO!!!!

Registries: not common, but acceptable

Paying for bridal party attire: Bridal parties aren’t very common, so I don’t know how it’s generally handled over here. However, in my personal opinion, if you want a wedding party, you should pay for their attire.

+1’s: If your name isn’t on the invitation, you’re not invited. Significant others, whether they’re boy-/girlfriend, Fiance or spouse, are always invited (as in their names are on the invitation), but I’ve never heard of anyone getting a +1 and bringing a random person that wasn’t explicitly invited.

Adult only weddings: NO WAY!!!! Asking parents to leave their kids at home would be more than frowned upon, unless the kids are over 18 and the couple isn’t close to them.

 

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