(Closed) For Fun: What debatable etiquettes for a wedding are acceptable where you live?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 106
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Here goes 🙂

Location: Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Wedding: October 2015

Save the dates: Yes! It’s polite to send something out months before a wedding (especially if it is during a season when friends and family take vacations or are busy with other events)

Bridal party: Yes! Just a few of your closest friends should fill your bridal party, any more than five people makes your wedding party look like your high school lunch table. 

Sitting dinner: Absolutely; cocktail hour and hors d’ouvres can be served and eaten while standing, but a sit-down dinner is pretty much a requirement for an evening (or even daytime) wedding and reception.

Open bar: If you can afford it. There’s nothing worse than going to a wedding with no alcohol, unless it’s a wedding where you expected an open bar and you didn’t bring cash. If you or your family can afford an open bar, even if the selection is limited to wine and beer, you should do so to ensure your guests are having a good time. 

Gift registry: Appropriate, but do not put it on the invite. Gift registries belong on your wedding website.

Guest favors: Generally expected, though I personally think providing an open bar, entertainment, and a full meal is enough of a favor to guests 🙂 

Dollar dance: Not for me; I have family from Western Pennsylvania so I know this is one of their traditions, but I don’t see myself doing this on my wedding day.

Adult-only wedding: Depends on your situation. We are having an adult-only wedding and reception because neither of us has close family with young children. It is more acceptable to have children at your wedding if it ends before 8 PM.

Inviting people to parties or showers, but not wedding: Impolite. Inviting people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding seems like fishing for gifts, very rude. 

Bridal Portraits: No longer expected; I haven’t seen one since my Aunt got married in 2004.

Post # 107
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

FromA2B2013:  

Location: Ontario, Canada

Cash bars: Expected – I always assume it’s a cash bar, but I have been to a couple open bars.

Save-The-Date Cards: Acceptable but not expected

Inviting people to parties and showers but not wedding: I don’t find this acceptable, but it happens a lot. Even my Mother-In-Law invited people to my shower that weren’t invited to our wedding. Awkward. lol.

Invited to Ceremony and Reception only (no dinner), or only to Reception: Acceptable… lots of people do that around here.

Including gift list/information in invitation: Acceptable, online RSVPs and websites are becoming popular, so most of the info is on there.

Engagement Party: Rare.

Wedding Showers: Always.

Stag & Doe/Jack and Jill: Expected, almost everyone I know has had one.

Bridesmaids/Groomsmen outfits: The bride and groom tell them what to wear and the wedding party is responsible for payments (unless gifted, but not expected. I paid for my bms hair, but have always paid myself when in others weddings).

 

Post # 108
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Location: Texas but born in PA where most of my family still is

Cash Bars: No way, not in my family however in TX I have seen it.  It is also common to do BYOB here.  

Save-The-Date Cards: Hit or miss…we sent ours and people in Fiance family thought they were the invitations. 

Registry information in invites: I have seen it but I think it is gift grabby

Dollar Dance: Yes, mostly my PA family though and we do it with a twist. You pay your dollar to dance with the bride or groom and you get a shot.  So for instance, there is a tray of one flavor of shot with the bride and a different flavor with the groom. You pay your dollar and do your shot.  At my aunt’s wedding I danced with both of them because I liked her shot better!

The Gap (between ceremony & reception): My PA family used to be yes to this but becoming less standard.  They are all Catholic too. 

Wedding Showers:typically yes all the way around, although I would never consider inviting someone that was not invited to the wedding. Only exception would be if your office had one during work hours for you

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties:I think they are common but not really in my group of friends.

Groom’s Cake: Only Texas weddings have never seen at a PA wedding

Bridal Party: Everyone pays for their own attire, if the bride wants them all to have their hair and make up done she would pay for that part.  As well as specific jewelry.

Adult Only wedding: I have never been to one

Who pays for what: My mother still believes the bride’s family pays for everything as I think most of my PA family does but I think generally speaking it is becoming common for couples to pay themselves.  

Bridal Portraits: Never at a PA wedding.  I have seen in TX at more of the nicer weddings.  I run the course for socioeconomic class that I surround myself with so honestly I think I have seen it all!

Tiered Receptions: I have never seen this before.

 Food- most weddings in my family it is definitely a full meal, moving more toward a buffet type meal the last few weddings we have had in our family. I did go to a wedding a year ago and they had no food. That was awful as it was a 3pm wedding and we didn’t leave the reception until like 11pm.

 

Post # 109
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Location: Newfoundland, Canada

Cash Bars: They are very common; I would say they’re even more common than open bars.

Save-The-Date Cards: A lot of couples will create STD Facebook groups; mostly so that the Out of Town guests are well aware to plan time off (a lot of couples have family that live and work out West because of the economy here)

Registry information in invites: I’ve only ever seen it in Bridal Shower invites- never wedding ones

Dollar Dance: Not even a thing here, from what I’ve seen. 

The Gap (between ceremony & reception): Oh man, there are usually gaps of up to four hours between the ceremony and reception.  Oftentimes, there is a communte involved because of the way towns and venues are located.  There is usually a cocktail hour as an option to kill time, though. 

Wedding Showers: Guests are always ones that are also invited to the wedding.  That’s really big here.

Bachelor/Bachelorette parties: Extremely common, especially if the couple lives in, or is hable to travel to “Town” for pub crawls

Groom’s Cake: Not really a thing here (I don’t think I have ever seen one at an NL wedding)

Bridal Party: The Bridal Party foots the bill for their attire/hair/makeup (unless the bride requests a specific updo/makeup look/spray tan, in which case the onus is on her to pay)

Adult Only wedding: Depends on the couple.  Guests seem to be okay with leaving the kiddos at home if they learn that the wedding is adults only.  It’s never mentioned on the invites, but because of the small town setting, word of mouth really gets the message out.

Who pays for what: Depends on the individual wedding.  Sometimes families will chip in, but I don’t necessarily think thee are rigid categories for who pays what.

Tiered Receptions: Not a thing here at all- tiered receptions would never fly in a place like this haha

Food- sit-down meals that tend to be plated (mostly because of the vendors in the area that all provide the in-house catering)

 

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