For Fun: What "Etiquette Rules" did you breach? Did anyone care?

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2793 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sboom :  I was just thinking about this after one of the threads currently buzzing on here. I was raised to be polite and respectful, say my please and thank you’s, etc but I guess I was never taught “proper ettiquette” for party hosting. I tend to just use common sense and try to do what makes sense and consider other peoples feelings, try not to inconvenience them, etc. All the “traditional ettiquette, the rule is” stuff is honestly pretty annoying IMO.

My list:

-I had a small hand in helping plan my bachlorette party although my sister took the lead and initiated all of it

-I got married at the courthouse, had my reception the next day and invited people that weren’t invited to the ceremony (GASP)

-Not a chair for every butt at the reception

-Probably not enough food to equal a dinner although most people were too busy drinking to eat

-Had beer/wine unlimted and liqour for purchase (although not a cash bar, people could use CC’s)

ETA from our knowledge, no one took any issue with how we did any of this (minus one grumpy uncle regarding booze). My sister is actually planning to do things the same way!

Post # 3
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

Well, the biggest etiquette breach with regards to my wedding was that most people didn’t know it was a wedding. Other than two people, no one else was upset in the least that our party was actually our wedding and reception – the vast majority were tickled pink. Even those who were invited and didn’t come because they didn’t know it was a wedding. (The caterer and the venue also didn’t know – and they were excited when they found out  The venue featured our wedding on their website – I recall some Bees said the vendors would be upset/angry not to be in on the secret. Not quite.)

We did not have seats for everyone at the ceremony.

it was beer and wine only; hard alcohol was cash/cc.

Invitations were all electronic.

im sure there were other breaches, but those were most “egregious.”

Post # 4
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Partial open bar (3 out of the 4 hours for the reception), no room block, invited more people than the reception room could hold (these were obligatory invitations to people I knew wouldn’t attend and we had 72 attendees for a room that held a Max of 88). 

One of my cousins complained about the partial open bar only to have a cash bar at her wedding 7 months later. A couple complained about not having a room block but I send Save-The-Date Cards 6months before our wedding so they had plenty of time to book accomodations and plenty of hotels near my venue with availability since I got married outside of peak season. Plus I gave them all suggestions based on price and proximity.

Post # 5
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sboom :  tee tee hee…I honestly wanted to post this same thread, thank you!

Resounding PP, I take myself to be a polite person and I do my best to treat people well and say thank you. I wasn’t raised in a household that held a lot of parties, so I’m not a bonafide hostess.

Here we go:

Pretend Destination Wedding and Obligatory Invites. We are getting married in Texas. We live in New Mexico. Everyone we truly want to be there live in Texas and everyone invited out of obligation live far away from Texas and our wedding is during the school year. We only expect half of our invites to RSVP yes. Not sure if this is an etiquette breach, but it is a nightmare and very unnesessary. Bringing me to…

Houding on RSVPs well before the deadline. We gave everyone about 2 months (1 month to go) to respond. Probably too much time, but we had a lot of invites go out. Those who are travelling have already picked up their plane tickets, so I’m figuring that those who are far away and haven’t bought a plane ticket are actually not planning to attend. Which is fine… I just want to know 😀 We also reached out to family early on as well because… hello… y’all know about this. Sure plans can change and we understand that, but radio silence from family makes me crazy.

Registry Cheese. I left a little note on our registry to the extent of “Thank you for thinking of us bleh bleh If you wish to give these are items we would love in our home bleh bleh Please consider shipping directly to us.” No one said anything, but I took it down after I realized how cheesy that was.

Excessive Emails to the Wedding Party. I haven’t had a chance to meet the groomsmen yet, but they got the occasional reminder email from me and I think I scared a couple of them. I can be very type A and I recently left a job where I had too much time on my hands, so I was obsessively wedding planning. I’ve chilled out over the summer.

– Talking about the wedding in front of people that were not invited. Not just on social media, but at church and at work. It usually starts with someone asking me to remind them of the date as if they are going to block off some time on calendar. Makes me so uncomfortable.

– Reception Dress. I think I really do hate my wedding dress and because of how big and obnoxious it is, I am getting a second dress to wear after the first dances.

Ceremony will be traditional and I can’t think of anything strange we are doing there. We are still aiming for the hors d’ouvres style dinner with some wholesome additions. I’ll probably order another keg, but I’m not interested in watching people get sloshed.

 

ETA: Most of my sins so far are planning related. No one has called me out on any of this, but self reflection is a great thing 😀

Post # 6
Member
654 posts
Busy bee

I can feel the etiquette bees twitching with this thread haha. I don’t think I broke any etiquette rules (though as this thread goes on I may think of something I’m forgetting). However, most of the weddings I’ve been to have broken rules and as a guest I would never say anything to the couple or anyone else. Except my husband (who rolls his eyes at me) and my mom (who loves a good light-hearted snark session).

At the end of the day, it’s just not that big of a deal. I love all of the people whose weddings I attend, I’m happy for them and wish them well.

ETA – Just thought of one. Our 3 month anniversary was the 1st and I still have 4 thank you notes to send out. They’re for our immediate family who did a lot for us so I want to write extra-nice sentiments. I hope they’ll forgive me!

Post # 7
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sboom :  the only two things i can think of are that we:

1) did online-only RSVPs. the site we used (appy couple) auto-sent rsvp reminders to guests when the deadline was approaching. it’s considered rude to hound guests before the RSVP date, but the majority of our guests were peers and…well…they needed the reminder.

2) we drank different champagne from everyone else. we served a really good sparkling rose to guests, but bough veuve rose for ourselves. super against etiquette. no one knew though, because the venue kept it back in the kitchen and simply filled out glasses and brought them out to us (and then covertly refilled our glasses throughout the night). in fact, several guests complimented us on the chapagne choice (that they drank)! they were so excited to drink sparkling rose instead of the typicaly white bubbly. so i’d say everyone seemed happy.

Post # 8
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - Nashville, TN

My dad wanted to do a second father/daughter dance later on during the “fun” dancing and I was mortified and angry.  I had no idea he was going to do this but I went along with it to make him happy. 

Post # 9
Member
2585 posts
Sugar bee

We had a registry, which according to some here is questionable etiquette. (It was a fairly traditional registry with no cash funds or anything.)

And I waited until after the wedding to send thank yous for gifts purchased before the wedding; according to some I should have sent thank yous as soon as I got the purchase notifications (tho I did wait until after the wedding to ship anything, so I did send thank yous within a month or two of them actually being received). 

Post # 10
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015 - City, State

Had a very successful Monday wedding, and had a cash bar! No one complained!

Post # 11
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

– Had a few people on the B list who we sent out invitations to later (who didn’t get save the dates) but they were local and in different social circles so I think we got away with it.

– Somewhat inconsistent plus ones. We gave the options to the single groomsmen (they didn’t use them), but otherwise single guests (socially single, not legally) did not get a plus one with the exception of a friend I used to work with who would quite literally have known nobody else. Anyone with a SO was invited as a pair though, unless I was misinformed about their relationship status. 

Post # 12
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We asked for money over gifts, particularly if people asked us directly. We registered but did tell people that we’d lived together already so money would be appreciated. I also wore a patterned dress with a white background to someone else’s wedding, didn’t even occur to me at the time that it was something I shouldn’t do 🤷‍♀️

Post # 13
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Included registry information with the invitation.  Otherwise I would have had 200 people calling me asking for it.
  • Did not pay for guest parking.  This one I still feel really bad about.
  • Threw my own engagement party.  I like throwing parties and this seemed like a great excuse to have one.
  • Forgot to get on the microphone and thank everyone for coming.  I truly just got swept away with everything and forgot.

I’m sure the parking thing got some folks because it was so expensive ($15 a car), but of course no one told me.  

Post # 14
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

I had a cash bar.  That’s super common where I live so I have no regrets. It’s all about knowing your crowd/social circle 

Post # 15
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

After reading another post apparently I breached etiquette by having beer and wine provided and a cash bar for liquor. Oh well. It’s commonly done where I am. 

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