(Closed) For my own personal sanity, I don't think I can deal with FH's family.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow! I feel almost glad that my in-laws are just try to control fiance’s life and talk to him like he’s an idiot, now! Yours sound awful! It must be really horrible to think you’re getting along with them, only to have them turn around and stab you in the back.

I think the best bet is just is to discuss with your fiance how uncomfortable you feel with your in-laws because of XYZ and you’re concerned how this will pan out in the future. It’s probably time to start setting boundaries with them and getting your fiance to speak with them about how they’ve been treating both of you.

Post # 6
203 posts
Helper bee

I think you should try and work through things.  You don’t want to begin your wedded life at war with your husbands family.  From what you’ve said it’s clear that you don’t think very highly of them and I’m sure they feel that.  If they get to know you better maybe they’ll feel more comfortable with you and vice versa. I think you should try sitting down with them in a non confrontational way and try to work through things.  Cutting them out of your life is definitely not the answer.

Post # 8
358 posts
Helper bee

I would seriously think about this with your fiancé before the wedding. I think alot of people don’t realize how huge of a commitment you make to the family when you get married as well. Unlike a college buddy of his you may not be fond of, family is their for life and will be apart of every major event in your life. This includes birthdays, major holidays, family vacations, the birth of your children, graduations and visits for the rest of your life. I would seriously think about this with your fiancé before you officially become part of the family.

Post # 10
203 posts
Helper bee

You said yourself that FH is a pushover.  It does not sound like this is a decision he has made.  It seems as if it is all about you.  You’re not his wife yet and if his parents have reservations, judging from their standpoint, I can understand why.  You don’t think highly of them and YOU have been a large part of a decision to cut them from his life.  You can try to fight them for the rest of your life but In My Humble Opinion that is not a war worth fighting.  Good luck.

Post # 12
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Peacockfeather: There is nothing wrong with keeping your distance.  You just have to make sure your husband is on board AND that HE still makes an effort to see them without you.  Additionally, I would prepare yourself for those times when he does see them without you; realize you can’t control if and when he sees them, and don’t resent him when he does.  Just because you choose not to have a relationship with your in-laws, it does not mean your husband doesn’t either.

For those handful of times when you do have to see them (because, let’s be honest, despite your efforts, there will be times when you have to see them, like it or not) do your best to suck it up.  You almost have to pretend to be someone else.  Pretend to be someone who doesn’t give a shit about anything they do or say.  It’s no easy feat, but with practice it can be done.  This isn’t for their sake either… it’s for your sake and your husband’s. 

Good luck.

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