(Closed) For the cohabitating couples – how is getting married going to change your life?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think that even though we have been living together things will definitely be different for us. We are both still young and just graduating college, so even though we have been living together since we got engaged our parents still view us as kids (especially FI’s parents..). I think after we officially tie the knot it will show our complete independence and be the first sign of our OWN family beginning – and I’m hoping this means that Future In-Laws will not feel the need to still be controlling regarding some things. We also just bought our first home and will be moving in around the time of the wedding as well, so that will be another big step for us never experienced before… It just makes everything official even though we are already 100% dedicated to one another – there is something about the term husband and wife that I cannot wait to use! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 33
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@ [email protected] – That is strange!  I’ve gotten that a little bit but it’s more with “good ol’ boys” and even then it’s not that bad.  The only one remotely close was when I was primarily buying the house but our realtor frequently called my husband first.  Of course, that could have been because they’re poker buddies or he wanted him to feel included.  ๐Ÿ™‚  Either way, I didn’t mind. 

Post # 34
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

  1. UNITY on EVERY decision made…although this has been a tangible difference since our Engaged Encounter retreat last summer
  2. SEX…we’ve been abstaining since just before the engagement last year (joint decision)
  3. Babies (God willing)and all the stuff that comes with them…we’re going to TTC right away (another joint decision – love this unity thing)
  4. My last name (but not in my classroom)
  5. Combined taxes (we don’t have joint bank accounts, but we record & budget for EVERYTHING…literally, I input when I spend $1.43 for a bottle of water)
  6. Health Insurance – he’s going to be added to mine
  7. Moving…we’ve been together 12 years, living together 10 & we’ve only lived in 1 bedroom apartments; it’ll be nice to prepare for expanding our family
  8. More home-y stuff…in our kitchen, I “make it work” because we always made due with the dinnerware & flatware we have (but we don’t chintz on the cookware – All Clad LTD for the last 9 years, baby!), but entertaining our parents convinced Fiance that we need more dishware

Post # 35
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I checked spouse on my census form, that’s legal since we’ll be married before april 1st right?

Post # 36
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

When I was filling out the census the BF was like see we’ll be married by the next census (joking that it is going to take 10 years for us to wed…. no way jose!).  

It is hard to say what will change when we get married.  We have lived together almost 2 years, dated for 4ish years, and known each other for 9, so I am not expecting drastic changes.  I think as soon as we get married we will focus more on saving for a house and have shared finances (we split our bills up now, he pays me because I am a lowly grad student).  And once we get a house of our own we will add another fur baby (pug puppy!) since we do not plan on having children.  

Post # 37
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think quite a few things will change.

Mainly finances, at the moment we split everything 50/50 were I think my wage will now pay for the house that we buy and his will cover food and spending. Just little differances another thing will be that I wont feel bad for using his credit card. I dont have one and he prefers it that way but I use his when I need to and then I pay him back. I just want one thats OURS rather than his and that Im borrowing.

name change.. Im going to be a ‘crane’ will i suffer from name jokes? lol

The mail.. addresed to MR and MRS, Im looking forward to that one!

Other than that since he proposed 1st week after moving in together. I think we have tackled the two most stressful things. Moving in and wedding planning all in a year. So marriage seems to be little less daunting.

 

Post # 38
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When I was filling out the census the BF was like see we’ll be married by the next census (joking that it is going to take 10 years for us to wed…. no way jose!).

 

Ha! I made the same joke! I was like: “What do I put? Unmarried Partner? Next time we fill this out we better be married!” and he said: “I can get behind that.”

But that’s 10 years away and he knows it! Grrr…I hate when he teases.

Anyway–we’ve been together almost 6 years and living together a little over 2. But in that time we have kept our finances strictly separated. I pay for myself and my bills, he pays for his. We split the rent 50/50. I’m not sure much will change after marriage. We discussed how we’d want to deal with finances and we’d pool a certain percentage of our money into a join account for joint expenses, but we’ll maintain separate accounts for discretionary spending. 

And I refused point-blank to buy a house without being married so I look forward to starting that process once we’re legal. 

Other than that–with the day to day stuff I don’t think much will change. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 39
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think on intangible things will change. I am definetly changing my name, and not looking forward to the process of, but we have had joint finances for a while, have lived together for over two years, I’m on his insurance and we already do our taxes side by side anyways. No baby fever yet for me so the response to family proddings will be the same, we’re not ready. No plans to buy a house yet bc I’m going back to grad school. I’m SO afraid I’ll slip up and call him my fiance in front of people still, took me a while to get used to fiance instead of boyfriend..hope that doesn’t hurt his feelings!

Post # 40
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

For us, it will only be small things. I’ll be changing my name, and I think there will be a certain respect within the families (mostly extended) that we don’t necessarily receive right now. But within our own personal relationship, nothing (should) change. We are just as dedicated to each other now as we will be after saying our vows – it is a symbol of our commitment, nothing more in our eyes except for the legalities that come with marriage. We still see ourselves as a family now, have joint finances, etc. 

I’m really grateful that we were able to live together before marriage. It’s made me feel okay about waiting until 2012 (eek) to get married – if we were living apart, I think I’d go insane!

 

Post # 41
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

We lived together on and off for about 3 years, but it was more like being roommates who slept together.  I paid my half of the bills, he paid his and we whined when the other didn’t clean up their crap.   Strangely now that we’re married, we’re having to change the mindset from mine and yours to ours.  So I’m cleaning up a little more of his crap and he’s whining less about cleaning up mine.  Oh, and now I have health insurance – that’s a nice change!

Post # 42
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I dont really know how it will change our lives… I mean wwe already have bank accounts together, a home, a puppy and have been living together for two years.

The only thing i know will change is the closeness of our relationship! We are a very spiritual couple and we seem to bond very siritually… essentially the wedding ceremony so extremely important to us…

Other than that, probably my name and the title of calling him my husband! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 43
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think for us, it will be an emotional change, not a physical one.. yeah, we’ll have a joint bank account, but it will be about calling him my husband, working on our life together, talking about and planning for children, not just “someday” but actually when.  It will be an accountablity thing, we are legally entwined.  I think it just adds an extra layer of connection to us.

Post # 44
Member
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with Ella1978 – it will be more of an emotional change for us and not really one that will affect our day-to-day life.

We’ve been together for 4.5 years and have lived together for 3.5 of those. We already share finances (in our own way, and we don’t plan to change our system after we get married).

It will be nice to call him my husband though and just to feel like our life as a family unit has begun.

Oh, and babies!

Post # 45
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’ve been living together for 5 years and the only thing I feel will change is the level of commitment. Theres no running away now!

I also feel that our families can fully accept one another as friends with out fear of us breaking up and ending their friendship.

Post # 46
Member
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My Fiance and I have made a deliberate and inconvenient decision NOT to live together, for exactly this reason. I want something tangible to change after we’re married. I wish I could direct everyone who asks me why we’re not living together (even though we own a house together) to this thread!

(I don’t want to offend anyone! Please don’t be hurt!)

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