(Closed) For the cohabitating couples – how is getting married going to change your life?

posted 11 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We will have lived together 3 yrs by the time we get married, but I feel like there will be a lot of changes –

  • joint checking account (currrently I pay for most stuff and he pays me back once a month)
  • shared taxes
  • can get on each other’s health insurance more easily if we want
  • new last name for me
  • can have kids w/o our families hating on us
  • can buy a house together (I’m not comfortable doing that until it’s official)
  • emotionally I expect to feel a little more committed and secure

I’m kind of glad we won’t have to adjust to sharing an apartment during our 1st year of marriage.  It was a little rough for us since we both like a lot of alone time.  I’m glad we’re past that!

Post # 48
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We have been together for 6 (soon 7) years and have lived together for 5 of those. We met at University (Sweden) and b/c my parents had bought me an apartment there, he moved in with me after a while together. We lived in that apartment until 1,5 years ago when we moved to Stockholm (capital of Sweden) and bought an apartment together. B/c we were not married the bank requested we made a “Cohabitating agreement” (very common in Sweden) and a Will between us regarding the apartment. This procedure is as I said very common in Sweden, as is cohabitation before marriage. I’ll say that nearly 100 % of those getting married cohabit before the wedding.

So, what will change? Other than to have children and to change my last name I don’t wish marrying would change my life. I like things just the way they are, but o/c I cannot deny the huge emotional aspect of marrying (for me). (Oh and o/c the Will and the agreement will be obsolete after marrying)

 

Post # 49
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee

Nothing except we’ll finally be able to consumate the marriage, combine our finances have the same last name, eventually have kids and be offical in the eyes of God.  Oh I also have to start cooking for him instead of just myslef we have different diets.

Post # 50
Member
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Nothing feels that different for me yet. I haven’t changed my name or combined our bank accounts yet because in a couple of months we’re moving to another state and I don’t want to have to do it twice. 

So right now it still feels like we’re just living together since I still pay my bills with “my money”, and my maiden name is still everywhere.

Post # 51
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think for us it will mostly be financial. We currently split everything 50/50, but I am in grad school and he is working full time. So for me to earn my half of everything is stressful, and I don’t manage every month. Once we’re married, I’ll be more comfortable combining things a bit more.

Other than that…we already have a timeline for buying a house and having kids…so that’s probably going to stay the same. And he’ll be at his job thru the end of my time in school, so our work/life situation might change THEN but will stay the same for now.

oh, and I’ll get to be on his health insurance. Which will mean I’ll have dental and vision again!! hooray.

Post # 52
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ve been dating my SO for almost 3 years and will have been officially living together for the better part of 2 years (I spend a lot of nights at his place, anyways, but it wasn’t official until we both began to buy new furniture and refreshing the look).

A lot of our friends tell me that we’re practically married, but I disagree. I was married before and most people point out that my first marriage was more of a live-in partner situation (the irony!) than what I have with my current SO.

As of now, because the SO and myself aren’t married/engaged, I can’t imagine us purchasing a house together or co-signing for any property. I would love to see that happen someday, but I’m just not that comfortable sharing that financial burden with him without the “official” declaration. I also am not comfortable having him sign for a property that I will live in. I don’t know why I feel that way…I just thought it’d be equally nice for us to work together for something that big of a purchase. I’ve always imagined myself being in equal standing with my husband when it came to these things…

And I guess I might feel that way because when I lived with him things were pretty rough. Once we moved out and co-signed a lease, I felt a lot better about the security of the relationship. Is it weird for me to think that?

Post # 53
Member
402 posts
Helper bee

I’m on the same page as many of the posters here. Apart from saying, “This is my husband/wife…” when making introductions, switching to the same bank, and no longer planning a wedding, life is going to be pretty much the same. Better, even. It’s a comfort to me, because no matter what changes I’m going through – good, bad, exciting, scary, wonderful – I always, ALWAYS fight it tooth and nail. And then the change happens, and I adjust. 

Post # 54
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

We lived together 2 years before we got married.  But this feels better. 

1) We were starting to have job situations and it’s much better knowing that we’ve committed to being together and so working together on finding jobs in the same location.

2) Money – we paid for each other but still kinda kept track, now it’s a lot more combined.

3) Instead of just sometime in the future we’ll have kids, the discussions are more real

4) Discussions in general about the future are more real knowing we’ve taken that step to commit to be by one another’s side and there’s another persons opinion to seriously consider

Post # 55
Member
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

DH thought it was weird to see his mom and dad addressed on our mail… Mr & Mrs. G…. no, it was really just seeing our names instead.  In his head, he has always known his parents as Mr. & Mrs. G but now he needs to get used to seeing that greeting for us!

Post # 56
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’ve lived together for about 5 years – I dont really see the wedding changing much between us, but I am expecting  to notice a change in the way other people view our relationship. We’re as committed as we can possibly be, but others just don’t see it that way until it’s official.

My name will change, but I dont really have much of an attachment to my family name…it will be a bump up in the alphabet though so that will be exciting for anything that is organized in alphabetical order by last name! (Anyone who has been through 12 years of public school with a “W” last name will understand 🙂

More importantly, I really don’t want anything to change…Right now I’m happier than I’ve ever been! The wedding is really just a day to celebrate the love and happiness we already have~

Post # 57
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We’ve been together 6 years, living together 5. Nothing really changed for us.

Post # 58
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Private home

Fewer jokes about who gets the master bedroom if we split up.

Weird, but that was about it.

Post # 59
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

We were planning to get a joint checking account at our new bank, but decided that we needed something to look forward to when we married. So we have that and taxes. I already, unofficially, use his last name. 

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