(Closed) Why did you divorce your first husband?

posted 10 years ago in Encore
Post # 77
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Vintage-me: OMG! That’s horrible. Are you still disappointed about it at all?

Post # 78
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My divorce was a no brainer…turns out he was not into the opposite sex but was hiding it from his family…This time around I made sure my future hubby defintely likes girls 🙂

Post # 79
Member
2721 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Crisark: I hope when he abandoned you like that you made a call to his C.O. and let them know your service member husband was being a douchebag.

Post # 80
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

My ex was a drug addict, as in stole our rent/bill money to buy dope when we had 3 kids to feed, and beat the sh*t out of me. Every. Single. Day.

Post # 81
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I divorced my ex for several reasons:

1. I was young, dumb & rebellious, not in love with him. (my mistake)

2. He was a man-whore (his mistake)

3. he was a drunk (his mistake)

4. he was lousy with our finances, got us BOTH into debt up to our eyeballs (his mistake, also mine for not figuring it out & putting a stop to it)

5. he liked to use me as a sex toy & punching bag (his mistake)

6. he starved us, me & the kids (his mistake)

7. he cheated on me (his mistake)

8. he left me for an ex-gf & her kids (his mistake)

I should have left him sooner (my mistake) & I didn’t handle things very well, (my mistake). But things are much better now, and boy did I learn my lesson on picking a good & honourable man that I actually love!

Post # 82
Member
82 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This is a great thread ladies.  I can relate to several of you.  My ex husband was very verbally, mentally and physically abusive.  Not to mention an alcoholic.  I got married at the age of 18 and he was 15 years older than me.  I had a child from a previous relationship and I was young and dumb so to speak.  Thinking nobody would want me if I had a child.  Boy was I wrong.LOL  I stuck the marriage out for 13 1/2 years.  5 kids with him and it was due to the kids I tried to make it work, but realized it never would.  He had some very weird behavior that I kept on finding on the computer.  Which scared the crap out of me.  He couldn’t keep a job and had been through many and we had lived all over the country.  Due to changing jobs.  His parents were our support money wise.  I felt like roommates/housekeeper and babysitter constantly.  Everytime I would get a job outside of the home.  He would someway wreck it.  He totally messed with my self esteme.  Not to mention having a divorce hanging over my head for nearly 4 years!  No one would understand why I wouldn’t just leave him, but he used my kids as weapons so to speak.  My eyes finally got opened when his mom made the comment to him he better get some medical help before he ended up hurting me.  I wouldn’t put it past him to do something to me.  That’s why I ended up moving 1000 miles away from that man.  Sometimes feel like that isn’t far enough still.  He’s had a PI follow me you name it.

 

My Fiance now is a great guy.  I feel very lucky to have found him.  My family actually played matchmaker.lol  He was one of their best friends.  We just click.  He loves my children and they love him.  He has been my backbone and has supported me through the nasty divorce. I love him dearly and still to this day I look at him and still have butterflies.  Now I know the real meaning of true love.  I feel like my past marriage was a learning experience for me.  To figure out what I wanted in a life partner and what I didn’t.  I feel like those 13 1/2 years of my life was nothing, but a waste, but on the plus side  I have 5 beautiful children that I wouldn’t trade for nothing.

Post # 83
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We were too young when we got married. He was the first guy that really paid attention to me. Some of my friends were getting married, and it was the thing to do. Those are the reasons I got married in my early 20’s. I didn’t realize how much better I could really do. We ended up divorced because I suddenly woke up and realized how unhappy I was and should never have married him in the first place.

Post # 84
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My ex had a drinking problem that went from bad to much worse during our 14 yrs together.

Post # 85
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - establishment theatre

my first husband was extremely abusive, verbally, physically, emotionally ect. he cheated, he lied and it was just a repetitive cycle. i married him because we got pregnant and it was the “right” thing to do….when my third child was three weeks old i had had enough….i packed up my babies and left. 

my fiance is the most wonderful man i have ever met! hes a wonderful father figure to my children and we have been together since about two months after i left my ex…it will be three years we have been together in July and our wedding is in october!

Post # 86
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020 - establishment theatre

@Soontobee_Mrs.G.:  wow there must be an asshole hand book…your ex sounds EXACTLY like mine! at least we got to a point where enough was enough and left! so happy you have found happieness 🙂

 

Post # 87
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think he proposed to me because it was the “next logical step”. Right before we got married, I lost my job, a friend was murdered, my grandmother died, I was dealing with his family causing issues (which he never stod up for me), dealt with my mom not reacting well to her divorce, and eventually had a nervous breakdown. As a result, I shut down for about three years or so. I did nothing but wait for my ex to come home from work, so I could see him. I wouldn’t leave the house by myself, and I had some serious depression issues. 

His family continued to cause problems, my family evened out a bit, and he retreated. He would ignore me to play video games for days at a time. I’d ask him for help with something (the house, my issues, etc), and he wouldn’t, or couldn’t be there. He wasn’t a horrible man, he was just someone who couldn’t cope with the wirling sh*t storm. He secretly began to resent me. 

Eventually, I found another job, but a lot of the damage had been done on both sides. We just went through life, existing. At the end, I had a very close friend who manipulated both of us. The short story is that they began sleeping with each other. 

It was an ugly situation that ended poorly for him. We thought we could make it work after that, but it didn’t work out that way.

I had doubts as to whether he was ready, and if I wante to marry him. I was so cauht up in the arde of traumas that I couldn’t face the thought of losing him and calling off the wedding.

Post # 88
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have to first say to those who survived verbal and physical abuse from their exes, you are very strong women and I give you my admiration.  For the rest, alot of you sound like me.  I met my ex when I was 22 and he was 25.  I think I made myself love him because that was the thing to do.  He was clean, did not drink, did not do drugs, went to college and everything my parents thought was best for me.   After 4 years we got married, but there was so many things that I hated in our dating years that ended up breaking up our marriage years later.  He was very immature, not a very thoughtful person and was very weak.  Through our marriage, we had three kids and I will never regret that, but I always felt like I was raising another child with him.  I ended up resenting him later in the marriage to the point, where I had to get out.  I felt like I did everything myself, from raising the kids, paying the bills and taking care of myself, so if I was alone mentally, why not be alone physically.  We ended getting divorced in march of 2009 and I met my darling Fiance in October of 2009.  We have a great friendship with my ex and his new wife due to the kids, but you know what is funny, I am still doing things for him as I did with him when married.  I guess i feel with the kids, I have to make sure he is okay so that he can always be there for my kids.  But this time around with my true love, I am marrying him for who he is, not what i think he will be later on in life or what I want him to be. 

 

Post # 90
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

20 years of marriage to a verbally abusive hardcore alcoholic bipolar raging psycho mean person finally took its toll so I bailed…One story stands out–back around 1999 when my son was in Little League baseball and his father was one of his coaches (I was about 100 lbs overweight at the time, carried it fairly well but I was a pretty big lady) we were at a game.  I walked over towards ex-husband to tell him how well the game was going and I was proud of them–he turned to me and hissed, “DON’T stand next to me, I’m embarrassed to be seen with you, you disgust me.”.

I am SO GLAD I’m divorced now and engaged to the love of my life (a sweet man who would NEVER dream of saying anything remotely like that).

Oh yeah, and I’ve lost almost all of the weight that ex hated so much and felt the need to be so mean about…

Post # 91
Member
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Met my first husband online yes I know wow. I was 21 he was 26. Six months later we were married but kept it from everyone. Why? My mom hated him because she had that gut feeling he wasnt the right one. Six moths later from our marriage I move in with him because my mom found out that we were married and made me move in with my husband. By then I had a 2 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. Well my marriage resulted in 2 more girls which I love dearly and a very abusive husband. Delt with it for 7 yrs. In our marriage he cheated, and lied and he got someone else pregnant and because I guess I was dumb I stood by his side. It took for a good hit that ended up hitting my youngest for me to open my eyes and leave. He spent time in jail and that is when I decided to better myself and stop feeling sorry. He dissapeared and it took me 4 yrs from the time we seperated for me to get a divorce. I never thought that I could let go of all the hurt and abuse he put me thru and my now husband stood by my side through all my emotional stress and actually trying ot get over everything.

Post # 92
Member
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Got married to the ex at 22. Was married for 16 years. He cheated.

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