(Closed) For those Bees that live with their SO

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: What would you do different if you could go back to beginning
    Would not move in with my SO unless engaged : (28 votes)
    15 %
    Would move in quicker : (7 votes)
    4 %
    I'm happy about everything and wouldn't change a thing : (155 votes)
    82 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @Lulume:  I agree with you on the passion before vs less once you live together

    but when I start feeling like that I remember – think about how you would feel if you waited to be engaged/married to move in and THEN you had that decrease in passion. I think it would suck a lot more and you’d feel it harder because you’re expecting marital/engaged bliss.

    As for my situation, I have nowhere else to live so I have no choice, but I don’t mind living with SO.

    ETA : I definitely agree with feeling like a wife without being one. Every so often I try to communicate this to my SO. I’ve done certain things – like I won’t make his lunch every day for work until we’re married. He laughs about it but I won’t. There are certain things that I won’t do, or feel resentful that I have to since we’re not even engaged and I want to be. I feel like he’s less in a hurry to do so because we’re living together sometimes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    224 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    We actually moved in after the proposal, date set, venue secured, etc. We’d alrady talked about it and knew the direction everything was moving in. After the previous time I’d lived with a Boyfriend or Best Friend I’d said I’d never live with another guy, but given that we were engaged I’m glad we did. I think moving in once we’d gotten married would have been one more “headache” given everything that will be going on during that time and I definitely feel much more secure this go around. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I voted I wouldn’t change a thing. I think our relationship became better when we moved in. We’ve been dating for 5 years and just moved in together this past year. I think moving in together brought back that spark we when we first started dating.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4313 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I am already married… but my husband & I were long distance for a year before we got engaged.  I told him flat out I was not moving in with a guy (been there, done that 2 other times) unless we were getting married.  He proposed 2 months after he had moved to another state.  I am glad I put my foot down.  I regretted a lot about how my previous relationships were.

    As for living together?  I would take that over long distance ANY day!!

    Post # 7
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I wouldn’t change a thing. We were together 3.5 years when we moved in together and it’s been great (we were also long distance for about 2.5 of those years).

    Post # 8
    Member
    4466 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I was living with my now-husband for 3 years before we got engaged.  I wouldn’t do it differently.  We had been together two years when I graduated college.  My choices were to move back with my parents, move on my own, or live with him.  Living together made sense. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We moved in together at the same time we got engaged. I always said I didn’t want to live together before getting engaged, but I also really wanted to live with Fiance. I paid less senior year of college for my half of a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment than I did for my dorm room. Plus I basically lived at his place for two years before that. We did end up signing a lease before the proposal which I wasn’t happy about. I just didn’t want to be legally tied without a ring. But he proposed within a week and I didn’t actually move in until a few months later because I lived in another state for an internship. So alls well that ends well. We did technically live together for a few months one summer (I paid rent but wasn’t on the lease) which didn’t bother me at all. I just didn’t want to be on the lease without a ring. Oh and we dated for four years before we got engaged, so its not like we rushing into practically/actually living together.

    Post # 10
    Member
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I didn’t vote in the poll because none of them REALLY apply to me. I would have liked to wait until we were engaged but I didn’t have any other options for living NOT with him. I don’t mind staying with him but had the situation been different I would’ve waited to be engaged.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1029 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m still in the “honeymoon” phase (one month of living together), so I can’t really vote, but as of right now everything seems fine. The only thing we’ve really bickered about is when his parents meddle and try to get him to come over to their house all the time. I’m trying to be patient, but they live almost two hours away, so when SO goes over there, they ultimately guilt him into spending the night at their house, and I’m stuck at the apartment all alone.

    I know they need time to adjust to him not living there anymore, but I feel like it’s counterproductive for him to go running over there just to appease them so they don’t throw a fit. That has pretty much been the only “growing pain” we’ve had while living together. I guess if I had to go back and change something, I would have been more patient with his parents and not fight about it with my SO. They all have to get used to it, including my SO, so all I can do is try to be patient until then.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Another already married. I made it clear to Mr. LK that we would not be moving in together until we were 100% sure that we were getting married and had a timeline set for getting engaged and for getting married. I quite simply was not moving in together in order to play house with him. If he wanted a wife, he needed to make me one. Period. We move in together in July, got engaged in October (Deadline was 12/31, so he was 2 months ahead of our hard timeline), and got married one year later. I’m glad we moved in together when we did because going to bed together every night is the bestest thing in the world. Every day just got better and better (and it still does even now that we are married).

    I think the issue isn’t living together. Rather, the issue is when both parties don’t communicate about their intents, goals, and expected timelines for progress when moving in together. When those intents, goals, and timelines are not aligned, people end up in unpleasant waiting scenarios.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My situation was a little different, I moved in with him because I was pregnant. Had I not moved in with him, I would bet that an engagement would’ve taken even longer. But that’s just us, everyone is different. We dated over 2 years before I moved in, I def would’ve moved in sooner!

    Post # 14
    Member
    3265 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I voted that I wouldn’t change a thing, but of course I wish we weren’t two+ years living together, after being together for almost 3 1/2 years when he moved in, and still not engaged. We’ve been together almost 6 years! Gah! The thing is, though, we were semi-long distance. We only were able to see each other on weekends and that was still a 2 hour drive each way. He moved in with me since my area has a better market his new degree (moved once he graduated).

    Post # 15
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    SO and i have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 2. i wouldnt change a thing even if i could. i love that i know how well we live together he really knows what makes me tick and that we have similar feelings on cleaning and i have gotten him to eat better. 

    i can wait because i dont care about the titles as much as spending my life with him.

    Post # 16
    Member
    7609 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    We got engaged right before we moved in together.  We were looking at rings and houses at the same time.  For us, it worked.  I wouldn’t have felt comfortable moving in without being engaged both because I was ready and also due to outside pressure.  I have a friend who’s been living with her boyfriend for 3 years now (they bought a house together) and dating for nearly 8 and she is so miserable that he won’t ask her.  I think part of her knows she should leave, but she feels that she can’t because of the house.

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