(Closed) For those of us jealous of SAHMs

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’m not a mom, but i would point to the facts that a) I wouldnt call it your kid’s best years because they don’t even remember this! and b) so many studies (Freakonomics did a great piece on this, check it out) show that there is no difference in achievement levels of kids raised by working vs SAH moms. Obviously you can’t really measure more subjective characteristics on a really large scale, but still, I think that counts for something. 

Post # 3
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was a stay at home mother and it was great for a while. But if I am being totally honest, I started to feel inferior so I got a job PT. And now that my kids are grown I work a lot and tell myself that I am making up for lost time. I will always, always have more respect for women who have to juggle work and childcare. The only people I know who don’t/didn’t work for a considerable length of time are those whose husbands have lucrative careers. That may be because I live in a ridiculously high cost area. 

Be proud of yourself. I’ll bet you are doing a great job.

Post # 4
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

mixtaperomance:  I’m not a mother (yet) but my mother was a working mother our entire lives (she’s still rocking it and moved to a different continent to work and experience life!) and my sister is a single, working mother. I have respect for any parent because it is incredibly hard to raise children, but I respect my mom and sister a ridiculous amount for all they have done and do. My mom had kids, worked full time, and spent part of our childhood working on advanced degrees and certifications-she is amazing. My sister has done and does the same thing, but on her own. My sisters and I witnessed how hard our mother worked (our dad worked hard too, but not the same as our mom) and we all have insanse work ethics as well. I can say that having a working mother was beneficial to us then and now. It makes me realize that when Darling Husband and I have kids we will be just fine and that it will be nice to have my career which is just for me! 

Post # 5
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

mixtaperomance:  I had a baby at 19 to a complete asshat that I was split up with before she was even born. I sacrificed a lot to get through school and work to support her. I would have loved to be a stay at home Mom. The thing is though, I was able to be a role model for her. I have tried to show her that anything she wants in life, she needs to be able to provide for herself. There are some women who are really blessed to marry well and not want for anything. There are many others that count on a man to provide a certain lifestyle for them and it never happens. I want her to be able to always take care of herself.

That said, I really respect Stay-At-Home Mom, and wish I could have been one, and her Dad the role model for how to be the provider. HA! Not in a million years…………

Post # 6
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

My mum worked, very hard. It’s quality not quantity. Don’t stress yourself out wishing for the perfect life, you don’t even really know what that would be.

Post # 7
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t have children yet but I’m already jealous. My sister is a Stay-At-Home Mom. They don’t have a lot of money but they seem to manage. But I make more than my husband so we rely on my income. I think its hard because I’ve always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom but the realization is we both have to work. So I completely understand that you could be jealous. Especially when its just  finances that are keeping you from doing it.

Post # 8
2847 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have been a working mom for 11 years now.  My SIL is a Stay-At-Home Mom.  I really can tell virtually no difference in the outcome of our children.  They both pretty much live a middle class life, particiapte in activities, excel in school.  I have been a single mom for 5 years of that time, to boot.  I just recently remarried.  So, I firmly believe that SAH vs working is more of a lifestyle choice, rather than a choice that seriously impacts the well being of kids.  I would never sacrifice financial stability or retirement to be SAH.  I will say the hardest part is getting kids to their activities.  You also feel like you have 2 full time jobs.  I call it the second shift.  I have something to do from 6:30 am until 9:00 when I get the kids down, and since I am not home during the day, I often do laundry or pay bills or do other chores when the kids are asleep.  There is really no down time.  I haven’t been a Stay-At-Home Mom (although I will say maternity leave was great…way easier than going to work and raising kids for me…..), so maybe they feel like there is never down time either, but the SAHMs I know get to exercise during their “work” day and get to go to the pool and get their grocery shopping done when it isn’t crowded.  There are definite perks to not having to go to work.  But there are perks in going to work.  Namely, you have a retirement account, health insurance, and an identity outside your husband and kids.  Like anything, there is good and boad to either side.  I’d just kill to be able to excercise during the day!!!!!!  That would be the best part of not having to work.  That and not having the stress of being breadwinner….LOL….

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 9
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I am about to return to work full time and leave my 2 month old twin boys on the care of their grandma. Makes me so sad! however  not sure I could be a Stay-At-Home Mom Without some kind if part time help. I find myself so burned out at the end of each day. I would live to switch to part time and I pray one day I can afford it because like you I don’t want to miss out too much on watching mybabies  grow. 

I wanted to say that I was raised by a full time working mom and I really only rber hating daycare and counting the hours until she got hr when I was around 7-8 yrs old. So my hope is to work less we hen my kids reach that age 

Post # 11
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I always say this… but it’s the cost of childcare which dictates whether women work or not, in many cases.

If the cost of childcare is significantly greater than what one parent earns, that parent is going to end up being a stay at home parent. I know plenty of people who would love to work either part or full time, but they can’t afford it. It’s not a choice at all… working would involve spending time away from the family, AND bankrupting them at the same time.

If both parents earn significantly more than the cost of childcare, they will probably both end up working either full or part time. This is where you could argue that it is more of a choice, especially if one or both parents are high earners. They could choose to cut back and spend more time at home.

But for a lot of people, it really isn’t much of a choice…

Post # 12
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

mixtaperomance:  “I guess I’m just curious/amazed at how other people do it.”

Some (ie. two) SAHMS told me about their budgets, and they really, really sacrifice.  That means renting a small apartment, driving a beater, stretching the grocery budget, and vacations mean camping.  They don’t have fancy strollers or do baby yoga classes like some other moms I know.  In no way am I implying anything about your finances, just that every family has a different situation and this is how some moms do it.    

Post # 13
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve just started back at work after 3 blissful months of being home with baby. It is HARD, emotionally and physically. I miss my mornings with her the most, she gets up around 4:30 or 5 and when I was on leave we would lounge in bed cuddling until she either fell back asleep or we got up, now I HAVE to get up to start the day and I hate it. I also hate the process of getting ready, Darling Husband leaves for work before me so I’m alone with her while I get ready, which takes double the time but I try to make it fun by singing to her or stopping to “play” with her. 

We could probably budget for one of us to stay home but I know its best that we both work. I’m proud of my job and career which helps but it’s still very hard handing her off every morning.


Post # 14
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

As a sahm, I have so much respect and admiration for working moms.  I have been a working mom, so I’ve been there.  I know how you feel.  

As far as how sahm’s do it, everyone’s situation is different.  I know for us, we have to budget for things like vacations, birthday parties, etc.  We still live a pretty nice life and my kids want for nothing but we don’t have it made like that LOL.  I know dh’s cousin who is a sahm, lives a far more luxurious life than we do because her hubby is actually rich but I cannot complain. 

Post # 15
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I miss my job, it was a large part of my identity and I do get anxiety when I think about how my personal retirement account is on hold (my husband has one as well though) and that I could be a lot further along my financial plan if I had continued to work. 

However, working full-time would have been stressful, so I have lots of respect for working women. But I’m also jealous of their adult interactions, overall careers, and finances! I DESPISE asking my husband for money… it feels so ridiculous. 

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