(Closed) For those of us jealous of SAHMs

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 17
4426 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

mixtaperomance:  Absolutely no resentment at all from me or my sisters. I’m being truly honest when I say I think seeing her work and enjoy her work made us incredibly independent. Sometimes my mom would joke (especially after she and my dad divorced and he became less of a parental role in our lives) that she had made us too independent! She worried that our independence would mean it would be harder to meet a SO we could actually be with because we are dedicated to our own lives. I think it set us up (for the most part) to have healthier, stronger relationships because we never felt/feel the need to rely on anyone. SAHMs-man, I think they’re strong. I can’t imagine how much patience and dedication it takes to do that every day. I respect both immensly, but know myself enough to know I’ll follow in my mom’s footsteps when Darling Husband and I have kids. 

Post # 18
618 posts
Busy bee

My Fiance and I are a ways off from having kids, but I appreciated the views provided by both sides of this issue.  I grew up with my mom at home most of the time, and I really loved it.  I absolutely want to be that for my kids!!  I would love to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, at least for a while.  But it does conflict with the fact that I’ve spent so much time on my education – I’ll graduate from grad school with my master’s next May at age 23.  I really value education, and I’m excited to work in this field.  But I always want to put my family in front of my career, because family is extremely important to me (and to my FI!).  

My Fiance was on the opposite side of the spectrum, though.  His mom is a lawyer and always worked, so he grew up going to a babysitter.  He’s completely fine with that, and values the memories he had with her – she was like another grandma to him.  So he thinks that we’ll both need to work in order to make a decent living.  He’d be okay with me staying home if it were financially possible, but he doesn’t see that being the case.  (Possibly influenced by the fact that his parents both worked, and are fairly well off financially).  I do have student loan debt, so finances won’t be perfect, and we don’t want to wait too long to have kids…

So I know this is something I’ll struggle with in the future, whichever way things go.  Thanks for making me feel better about both options, bees!

Post # 19
7873 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a Stay-At-Home Mom now, but for the first 10 years of my older daughters life I worked full time- backwards right ? Now I stay home with my girls who are almost 11 and 3. 

Maybe it’s just because I know the difference – but I have the utmost respect for working moms! And I think I was a really good mom when I was working! I really don’t think children suffer at all because a mom works- I honestly think it shows the children a different aspect to “mom”- making a difference in the community in her chosen field.

For us, a big factor was finally deciding that child care was ridiculous and biting the bullet to make staying at home happen. But that means I drive an older paid off car and we take simpler vacations.  

Post # 20
481 posts
Helper bee

We don’t have kids yet, but I’m a future Stay-At-Home Mom. I’ve always planned on being one, so I made sure (and this is the #1 must-do for would-be SAHMs) to marry a man who actively wanted a Stay-At-Home Mom for his kids and who wouldn’t in any way feel taken advantage of. We’ve always lived off of one (his) income. I am a Stay-At-Home Wife currently, though I do make some $$ to put towards our student loans by selling stuff online (I will probably continue to do this when we have kids). 

We don’t have a lot of new/nice stuff (far-from-luxury apartment, furniture off of CL, two old cars, clothes almost entirely thrifted or from ROSS, beans & rice twice a week), but we have way more than enough! I am a real bargain shopper, too.

I’m actually slightly refreshed by this thread because from my perspective, SAHMs have been borderline vilified by our culture. Glad to know it’s not entirely true!! :}

Post # 21
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am seriously jealous of SAHMs.  I just went back to work yesterday and it stinks.  BUT it’s not permanent because I will be a Stay-At-Home Mom at some point in the nearish future.  So for now I will try to enjoy the extra money to save up and finish working on our house.  🙂

Maybe since I’m back to work I can convince Darling Husband to take a fun vacation.  Skiing in CO is at the top of my list!

Post # 22
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

makemake:  You are absolutely correct that marrying someone who shares the same vision as you is essential.  I wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom (when the time comes) and I thought Darling Husband was on board, but now I’m realizing that that probably won’t happen, even though we do try to live off his income.  When he thinks about all the potential retirement income and money for incidentals, as well as making it tougher to get back into my career, he isn’t as excited.  I would do it in a heartbeat, though.

Post # 23
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008 - Toronto, ON

My mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom but she worked from home. My dad owns a few properties and my mom did the book-keeping for them. I currently do not have children but I will get to do the book-keeping for my dad so I will also get to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and I feel very fortunate because daycare can get quite expensive.

Post # 24
1152 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m actually not jealous at all.  I’m about to be TTC and my husband and I have known this since we started dating.  I am so proud of my mother for working when I was a kid and being an absolutely fabulous role model for me.  We are getting an au pair – I want my kids (male or female) to view women as equals to men both financially, professionally and domestically.

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