(Closed) For those of us who don’t want kids, how do you respond?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Totally agree.  I always tell them that I didn’t like children when I was one, which is the truth, so why would I like them now. Children make me uncomfortable, and I don’t want to find out if it would be different with my own.  I do miss my friends with kids and I always tell them that I can’t wait till their kids are 18 and they can be cool and fun with me again. They laugh.  My close friends know i mean it, but people that don’t know me bother me with the “you’ll change your mind” junk. I just tell them that I look forward to proving them wrong.  I also like saying that I am doing the world a service by not helping over populate.  

Post # 18
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

“Oh, we don’t want kids.”

“But {insert whatever reason they decide that you should have kids}.”

“I don’t like kids. Never have, never will.”

I usually leave it at that. If they’re super pushy and won’t drop it I’ll say: “I really don’t like kids and Fiance doesn’t mind them if he can give them back. We’re definitely on the same page about not wanting any.”

They usually stop or turn the focus to Fiance. They think he’ll be easier to convince or something.

Post # 19
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’ve started telling people “I’m barren”, which usually shuts them up!! For people who have the nerve to say “oh you HAVE to have kids” (like FMIL) I say “actually, I don’t HAVE to do anything.  My uterus, my choice”  Or for those people who ask that I know don’t like dogs/animals, I tell them “why have kids when I can have dogs??” (a sentiment that I actually really agree with….my dog gives me more fulfillment and love and entertainment…not to mention less stress, obligation, time constraints…than ANY child.  Until I can feed my kid, take it for a walk, and then leave it to go to a bar with my Fiance until 3 a.m., I’m not interested.  When we leave our dog to do that very thing, all he does is curl up and sleep!)

Post # 20
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@MadameTussaud: well, I want children but I can see where you are coming from! I would just ask them are they gonna raise them for you. Maybe that will shut them up.

Post # 21
Member
680 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’ve actually been getting a lot of this at work recently. The fact that I’m getting married just around the corner finally got around the building and I get the “so you’re gonna start with kids now that you’re getting married” & “you HAVE to have kids, you’ll regret it later if you don’t” speeches. Ugh. Seriously?

Post # 22
Member
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

I ignore it. Completely. Our friends are mostly married with kids and they they say “when you guys have kids…” and I’m not offended. Theyre usually telling s something cute or funny. I think it’s nice to know that they see us as parents. We love kids.

Now, if someone had the nerve to ask my WHEN we’re having kids or asked why we didn’t have any yet, I think I’d just turn it around and say “why do you ask?” Our calendar is none of their business.

Post # 23
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I can really relate to this. I also never want to be burdened with children. To me their is no logical reason to have a child. The expense children take on your finances, body, mind, marriage, and life is just really not worth it to me. Like they say “Having a baby changes everything.” Yeah changes that I consider are terrible. I also like my life as it is. Come and go as I please, not burdened with screaming babies keeping me up at night, diaper changing and the overall feeling of being a slave to this lump (baby) for at least the next several years. Hell NO. No Thank you.

It’s really annoying to me when people say, Well I want a grandchild. Please there really is not a more pointless reasoning to talk someone else into having a child than that. To have a child just to make someone else happy is the worst reason to actually do it. When you break it down who is really having to deal with the pregnancy and care for the child for the next several years. You not the Grandparents.

I hear this all the time: Well you will change your mind. I am 24 and I am totally disgusted by babies, and pregnancy. What makes matters even worse is my Future Mother-In-Law is trying to push the idea of a granddaughter down my throat. They are seriously wishing me pregnant. My mom on the other hand does not care and would rather not be burdened with grandchildren. She is happy with my puppy her granddog lol. I have plans for my life and as I have seen for other people children will destroy all of that. So I have to say no babies for me.

Post # 24
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I can definitely related to this…my responses started off polite but now they’re downright rude…then again, it’d pretty rude to ask me this sort of thing or bug me about it…usually the convos go something like this…

“so when are you guys having kids?” “how about NEVER?! DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU??” 

“so why don’t you want kids?” “because I like being selfish. I like going on dates, going on vacation whenever I want to, buying expensive outfits, eating out, generally being fabulous and living a glamourous life. Plus, I like my body the way it is, thanks.” 

“so why don’t you want kids?” “because they’re s*** machines and I f****** hate them.” 

That last one is classic. So far it’s shut everyone up that I’ve said it to. 

but here, here’s this article to help you out, too!

I Don’t Want Children! Am I A Freak?! Why Won’t Everyone Leave Me ALONE?!

Post # 25
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

“We’re not having kids, but while we’re on the subject, how many times a week do you have sex?”

That usually shuts them up.

Post # 26
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I always ask them if they love their kids and then when they say yes.. I say, oh.. you’ll change your mind.

Post # 27
Member
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

asking someone when they plan on having kids has got to be one of the rudest questions someone can ask.  that is very personal.

i have a few very close friends who have all been married for a long time and have no children.  Even considering our close relationships, i would never ask if they plan on having kids.  if they felt like discussing it, they would bring it up.

when people asked me about having more kids, i just say i can’t have any more.  that shuts them up.

Post # 27
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I am 22 years old and have known for about 2 years that I will likely never be able to carry a child. I have come to terms with this and God blessed me with my fiance who has never wanted children! We’re okay with being child free forever! Between the two of us we have 13 nieces and nephews and they are the world to us! He has valiantly come to my rescue when his side of the family asks about children but I know eventually I will have to awkwardly mention I’m barren just to shut them up. The last thing I want is for his mom and sisters to look at me with pity because I am more than okay with the hand I have been dealt. Reading these comments have made me giggle. Thanks ladies!

 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  wiscolady.
Post # 28
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
MadameTussaud:  I deal with it accordingly based on how rude the person is. 

With a parent or someone who means well I explain that telling me I will change my mind is insulting. It insinuates that I am not an adult who can make decisions. I also point out that if I were pregnant, no one would dare say, “Are you sure you want to have that kid? Trust me, you’ll change your mind.” 

If it’s someone rude who I’m not that close to, I’ll be snarkier back. I might say, “wow, I didn’t know you knew me so much better than I know myself.” Or, on one occasion, I said to a co-worker (she had been rude about it for MONTHS), “well you complain to me about your kids constantly, so I assumed you’d understand me not wanting any.”

I’m 27 and SO and I have been together almost 6 years, so questions from family have pretty much stopped. Now it’s mostly the occasional co-worker or nosey person. When they ask why (especially in a way that insinuates I am somehow defficient), I explain it like this. “I don’t want kids for the same reason you didn’t want to become a brain surgeon. I’m sure we both agree that what brain surgeons do is very important and difficult. But many people are not suited for that work, that doesn’t mean they don’t believe in science, just that they decided to focus on other things.”

Post # 29
Member
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
SoupyCat:  LMAO, i love this approach. Just be like, “I don’t want kids, but by the way, what’s your favorite sex position?” Hahahaha, love it. 

 

ETA: Oh, I almost forgot my favorite. Reserved for the most rude I say, “The return policy on kids is terrible. I don’t even buy shoes online, I’m definitely not taking that risk.” 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  swonderful.
Post # 30
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My Fiance and I decided that kids weren’t in our future. I actually have serious health issues that would make pregnancy very dangerous for me so we decided that we didn’t want kids in any way. No adoption, no in vitro, no nothing. Fiance actually never really wanted kids even before we started dating.

FI’s grandmother was absolutely appalled that we aren’t having kids. We just broke the news to his extended family that I can’t actually carry a baby to term safely and so we decided no kids. My family & extended family already knew as did his immediate family. 

FI’s grandmother “When are you and my grandson going to make me a great grandmother?”

Me “Actually we’re not having kids.”

Her “But you have to. That’s a woman’s job.”

Fiance “Actually grandma, it would be very dangerous for TunaCat29 to get pregnant so we’ve decided no kids.”

Her “What does your mother say about that?”

Fiance “It’s our decision. Please respect that.”

I had never loved my Fiance more than when he defended our decision to his grandmother.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 3 months ago by  TunaCat29.

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