Post # 1
Do you get people saying to you that you’re acting like a wife without the title? The whole saying “Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free”, etc.
I was talking to my cousin the other day about me and Boyfriend or Best Friend moving in together in January and she is religious so of course, she’s against the whole idea of living together before marriage.
She was saying things like “You’re playing house, you’re basically his wife except you don’t have the title.” She thought it was disrespectful and that I was “worth more than that”.
I was kind of speechless and unfortunately, couldn’t come up with a good comeback for her. What do you say to people who tell you things like that?
Post # 3
What’s the use? There is no point trying to talk sense into religious folks. Just ignore.
Post # 4
I got it some as well. Part of it can be true though. When moving in together some men and or women wont make a commitment because they feel like they no longer have to. But most people don’t see it that way.
I’d just tell her “Well, considering 3/4 of marriages end in divorce, it seems like we’d have a better idea if ours will make it if we live together first” which is a big fighting point in the debate.
Post # 5
I would never marry anyone until I lived with them for a while. I think that’s true for a lot of people. You learn a lot about a person by living with them. To each their own.
What gets people tripped up living together is when there isn’t a clear path forward. When Fiance and I moved in together we knew the intention was getting engaged and this was a step, not an alternative. I recommend that conversation and that commitment before moving in.
Post # 6
I get snarky comments sometimes because my family is very religious. I usually just keep a smile on my face and ignore the comment.
I strongly believe that a couple should live together before making the commitment for various reasons. None of them will convince people who are religious so it’s not worth the argument for me.
Post # 7
A proper response is:
“Everyone’s different. We’re happy and this works for us. I’m sure your way worked for you. *insert subject change here*”.
If it continues:
“I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear before. My living situation is not a topic that I’m willing to discuss with you. *insert subject change here*”. Wash, rinse, repeat as needed.
Post # 8
@LadyBlackheart: Why buy the cow when I don’t know what the milk tastes like? It isn’t the 1920s anymore and there are all kinds of practical reasons to live together – only paying rent at one place, learning how to live together as a married couple, testing compatability, etc. Different things work for different people, and if that comment was said to me, I would say:
1. Thou shall not judge
2. Don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house – when you’re perfect, then criticize my life
3. Mind your own business
4. Don’t push your beliefs on me
Post # 9
@LadyBlackheart: I tell them to mind their own business. I am not a cow, and to liken me to livestock or property is insulting to who I am as a person. I mean, if you look at it why can’t he be giving away HIS milk for free? Why do I have to be the cow in this scenario? It’s sexist bullshit at its finest, and I won’t put up with it. Anyone who insinuated that or directly said it to me would be verbally put in their place.
The mother of my boyfriend’s best friend asked him where my ring was since we were going to be living together, and we both said that wasn’t where our priority is right now (and it’s not).
Post # 10
@BoxerLady: Why buy the cow when I don’t know what the milk tastes like?
+10000 I love it 🙂
Post # 11
@LadyBlackheart: My Fiance and i decided to move in together when he was still my bf. We were together for 3 years at that point and it was a good decision for us financially and in our relationship. We were in a long distance relationship for a year and a half prior to that. I told him I would never live with someone unless I was engaged to them. Well we eventually did get engaged three months after I moved in. He actually already had the ring months before I moved in which I didnt know. It was really hard to tell my parents since my dad was so forceful with me about staying where I was. I didnt tell them til the night before they were supposed to come see me at my old apartment….by email! It all worked out though. We learned a lot about eachother the first 6-8 months. We had a lot of fights but now we really know what we are getting ourselves into. I recommend it 100%. My fiance is very religious and it was his idea. When we were first dating he had the same mentality as your cousin. Funny how things changed 3 years later.
Post # 12
@MissCalifornia: That is a fantastic point. Why in this day and age is the female considered the cow?
Post # 13
I feel that I gained so much more than I risked by living w/ Fiance before we were engaged.
I am entering this marriage 100% certain that 100% of our lifestyles & expectations mesh very well together.
We are both Christians.
Post # 14
Why buy the pig for a little sausage? 😉
I wouldn’t marry someone I hadn’t lived with first. I would rather eliminate any potential stresses before making a lifelong commitment to someone, so I can be sure we’re compatible.
It’s not degrading to you if you WANT to live with him and that viewpoint is kind of offensive really. It’s not like you’re some desperate woman who can’t find someone willing to marry her, you’re moving in with someone you love. Sheesh.
Post # 15
I haven’t gotten any of those comments yet (we moved in together in March) but I’m a bit older so I think people are less concerned. I do think some of the comments come from a place of concern, but they are still rude as heck. People don’t know your individual situation.
I wouldn’t have moved in with my SO if I didn’t know we were on the same page about marriage, so even if somebody said that to me, I’d just shrug it off. I know what I’m doing at any rate.
Post # 16
@MissCalifornia: 🙂 I hate when people judge how I live my life. Have you moved to Cali now??