(Closed) For those of you that live with your SO…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 18
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee

@LadyBlackheart:  I’d just ignore her.  I got a lot of similar comments when I bought a house with my boyfriend (we were not engaged at the time).  The fact is that we learned a lot about each other by living together, and we are both more confident in our decision to get married because of it.  Living together isn’t right for everyone, but I am so happy that my Fiance and I did so.  In response to someone who questioned our level of commitment because we were not married before buying a house, I said “Well, if I’m going thousands of dollars into debt with someone for the next 20 years of my life, I think we’re plenty committed to each other”

Post # 19
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Nobody ever said that to me, though I don’t really know any religious people so perhaps that’s why. I would ask them “you don’t buy a car without test driving it, do you?”

Post # 20
Member
2267 posts
Buzzing bee

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@MissCalifornia:  Counter with “Why buy a pig when I can get the sausage for free?”

Post # 22
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I lived with my SO for 2 years before we got married. I heard some of the same things and worse. I was told I was wasting my time and that he’d never marry me because I made it too easy for him. My mom and dad were horrified and strongly voiced their disgust with it, but it’s my life, not theirs. My thing is, to each their own.

We already talked about our future together and marriage was already in the plan. We chose to live together to see if we could manage life together all the time. We had our good days, bad days, and our I can’t stand you days, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.

We’ve learned so much about each other, some good and some bad, but we learned to work together and make it work. It’s a BIG step and not an easy one for those who don’t have planned a future together. Breaking up with someone while living together is extremely hard so make sure both of you have a strong foundation built on friendship and know what you’re getting into BEFORE getting into it.

Discuss what he expects from you and vice versa. Who’s paying bills? Are you suppose to cook everyday? Who does laundry and when? Do you have mutual friends to hang out with? Can you hang out with your friends without him? Can he do the same? It may sound crazy, but these thoughts will eventually flood your mind. I had the “I cooked yesterday” conversation many times LOL

In the end, it’s something both of you have to agree on. With that being said, both of you are going to have to be willing to compromise without losing yourself. That means compromise as long as you’re not changing who you are to please him without him being willing to do the same. Living together is like being married, you just don’t have the last name. If you don’t get anything else out of this, know that in order for it to be successful, you both have to want it and fight for it! Good luck!

Post # 23
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

For every person I’ve met that is against my S.O and I living together, there’s another one who insists it’s a must do. You’ll never make everyone happy, and as such you should do what makes you and your S.O happy.

Post # 24
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Ugh I hate that saying. I am not livestock. I have been happily living with my SO for the past 3 years. He’s it for me and I’m happy that I get to wake up next to him every morning. We’re not engaged yet, but we live together, have a car together, combined finances and raise his son together. People often say that they can’t wait to get married because they want to start their life together. Our life is happening now and I don’t want to miss it because I’m waiting for a ring. I don’t question his commitment  at all and frankly, our life is really, really awesome. 

Tell her that neither of you are livestock but partners who want to begin laying down the foundation for a long and happy life together. 

Post # 26
Member
3751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I got that a little bit when I moved in with my ex bf when I was just 20 years old. It felt like playing house too lol. I was just a kid pretending to be an adult. But whatever it was fun and I learned a lot about life in that time. Now at 31 I moved in with my bf (currently FI) and no one said a word but I also think everyone pretty much knew we were on the path to engagement. Knowing what I know after living with two different BFs, I would never marry someone without living with them first. How can you marry someone without knowing if you can stand them on a daily basis?! I think committing to one person for the rest of your life is hard enough, but going into it with the burden of adjusting to living together is so much more difficult! 

Post # 27
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@classyashley:  I would never marry anyone until I lived with them for a while.

Agreed.

I haven’t gotten the comments at all, thankfully. We have some super religious family members, but we are definitely not the first to do something “crazy” (and trust me, moving in together was low on that scale lol). 

Post # 28
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

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@BoxerLady:  Not yet, but soon! I leave New York end of this month and SO and I are flying from Ohio (where my family is) to Cali June 2nd.

Post # 29
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Only thing I got even remotely like this was when my grandpa expressed some concern that I was moving to live with my boyfriend without being engaged. My grandma quickly hushed him up by saying, “This isn’t the 50s, Jerry. This is what people do now.”

I was raised being told that it was a bad idea to marry someone without living with them. My parents, and particularly my dad, were ADAMANT that I live with my partner before getting married. So I am coming froma  baised background, but I think living together first makes so much more sense. If anyone said the cow/milk analogy to me, I’d just say that I’m a very healthy girl to get so much free milk.

I’m sorry she was so rude to you, but just let it roll off your back. You’re not going to change the opinion of anyone who feels that way (just like no one’s going to change my opinion that living together first is a good idea). 

Post # 30
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@BoxerLady:  +10 I’d also like to add “kisseth my ass” to that list.

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@LadyBlackheart:  I’m pretty used to my religious family not approving of 80% of my “life choices.” Some hot-ticket items that caused friction (after I turned 21) included dyeing my hair, getting my deceased fathers name tattooed on me, dressing “shamefully” for Halloween and, of course, moving in with my Boyfriend or Best Friend pre-marriage. 

I really don’t sweat it, and you shouldnt either. 

Post # 31
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m a Christian and want to apologize that you feel judged by your family. Not cool at all.

My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. There is not one place in the bible that says you shouldn’t live together. It says you shouldn’t have sex.

Either way, it isn’t our place to judge. And that should be your response to anyone who makes a comment. They have never been given permission by God to judge others.

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