(Closed) For those of you that live with your SO…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 62
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As one of the “religious folk” I personally do not believe in living together before marriage but if that’s what others choose to do then it is their decision. However, I do read on here often about couples who are waiting with the guy saying “if we move in together first and then I’ll propose” so they do and he doesn’t. I say, don’t tie the two together…just do one and then do the other!

Post # 63
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We lived together for a few months before we were engaged thought we had a timeline set. I didn’t want to tell anyone we were living together before then. Not that I think anyone would care much, but I did! Not necessarily from a religious point of view, but it wasn’t what I wanted.

I would never live with a man without a commitment to marry at this point in my life. I’m 35. I want to get married. Moving in together without a commitment is a good way to get that situation to drag on for a long time.

Post # 64
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My SO and I have been living together for 6 months and I’m so glad we decided to live together before getting engaged/married! We’ve been together for over 2 years, but there is ALWAYS so much you don’t know about someone until you’ve lived with them.

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest- I wonder if its because people don’t live together first so they have to learn to deal with that and to sharing money. My SO and I already have a bank account together which reduces stress incredibly and we’re pretty much already in the mindset of “whats mine is yours” so I think our first year of marriage won’t be as hard as if we didnt live together.

It has also helped my SO feel more comfortable with getting engaged. He knew he wanted to marry me before  we got our place and now that we’ve been living together and we’re happy in our home he’s ready to be engaged. He’s just saving for the ring!

 

 

Post # 65
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Everyone should do things there own way! I didn’t and wont have the opportunity to live with my fi until our wedding month. I don’t think I would have done it differently, but i’m not one to judge those that choose to live together, and those who choose to wait. I’ve stayed with fi for long periods of time (a week every month or so) so I kinda know what i’m getting into. I’m excited though to have that true newlywed feeling!!

Post # 66
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

That’s just ridiculous. It’s the 21st century, there are many ways to define relationships nowadays, and you have to decide what’s right for you. If she has a problem with it, that’s her problem, not yours. I’m a Christian, and I’ve been living with my fiance for three years, and it’s been one of my better decisions. How do you know if you can live with a person if you don’t try it out first?

Post # 67
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The only thing you can really say is “I’m sorry you feel that way” and move on. People are rude sometimes and think they can tell you how to live, but fortunately we can ignore them 🙂 

Post # 68
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

each to their own but i think its CRAZY not living with someone before marrying them!!! how do you know your compatible etc?? i say GO for it. i lived with my now hubby for 4 yrs before he proposed  – he still wanted to marry me and make me his wife!!!

Post # 69
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think I’ve only heard it once. Something like “but how did you know your Fiance would want to get married because he already had you living with him?”.

I’m pretty sure men don’t get married just to get a housewife. It was extremely important to me to live with Fiance before we got engaged – I think you learn a lot about someone by living with them. The way you deal with everyday stress like bills or household emergencies (like last night when the cold tap in our shower wouldn’t turn off and water went everywhere) helps you realise whether or not you’ll be in it for the long haul.

I’m pretty sure nobody would bother raising a religious perspective on it with me though, because I’m an atheist and there would be no point.

Post # 70
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  Wow, I’ve never been told that to my face but I’ve had a few instances where friends of mine start living together early in their relationship and they feel embarrassed. But I tell them, hey some people find roommates who are complete strangers and it’s okay to live with them. I see it as a roommate situation, especially since I feel like we do equal work and pay equal for our house. Don’t let her get to you 🙂

Post # 71
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@LadyBlackheart:  Just tell her that you guys are lucky enough to have a relationship so deep that whether it’s written down on a piece of paper or not makes no difference to your commitment to each other.

Marriage is a WAY OF SHOWING love and commitment not THE COMMITMENT ITSELF. If a man loves you and wants to marry you he will regardless of where you live. 

At the end of the day marriage is a piece of paper what is in important is your feelings for each other.

Post # 72
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

I didn’t get any comments. But cohabitation is so common over here most people just don’t bat an eyelid. And my FH and I do come from religious families, they were very supportive. It’s not all religious people who judge. Most of us are pretty normal.

Post # 73
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t regret living with my boyfriend/fiance before mairrage in any sense of the word. HOWEVER – i DO regret not doing so with him full knowing i expect a ring within a year…. The reason for this is we lived together but were very separate at the same time. We didn’t think about OUR money or OUR future or OUR stuff. It was HIS because HE paid for it. Its hard to adjust from functioning as separate people to functioning as a whole when nothing else changes in your life. I did have people say oh no don’t live together and yada yada yada and I thought it was just because they thought it was a sin. But now i realize that theres actually a reason for it. I lived with my fiance for 2 years before he proposed (one of which was a waiting year) I could have pushed him sooner but i didn’t. Did it mess up our life or ruin our relationship – no but it did make it harder for us to come together as one.  and all of a sudden i get half his truck isn’t really sitting too well with him. BUT if we bought it as a “ours” then it would be different. See what i mean. In the end, we live our lives as whats best for us. Theres somethings i’d like to go back and change but then it might mess up how far we’ve come.

Its ALL in the mindset. Titles are nothing more then titles.

Post # 74
Member
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I get the opposite! LOL. We are not living together before getting married and I get judged all the time for that too. I think you just can’t please everyone so do what you want and what works for you.

My Fiance and I are not living together for religious reasons but I do NOT judge anyone who wants to live together before marriage. I do not feel it is my place to judge anyone for their life decisions. Plus I very much try to do to others as I would have them do to me. I very much dislike being judged for my decision so no way am I going to judge anyone else for theirs. Everyone’s situations and beliefs are different and I try my best to respect everyone.I would never want someone else to try and shove their beliefs down my throat so to speak so I don’t ever do it to anyone I talk to either.

I have close friends from all different walks of life – Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Agnostic, Atheist, Heterosexual, and Homosexual, I love them all and respect their beliefs/lifestyles. I find it so interesting and enriching to learn about their traditions and lives in an open respectful way.

I have had numerous people question our decision, but in the end it is what works for us and it’s not their concern.  As long as you’re confident in your choice and that it is right for you, don’t let anyone bring you down.

Post # 75
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@LadyBlackheart:

As a christian I realize that the bible says it’s wrong but I believe that the bible was written by man.  Even if it is wrong I’m willing to accept my sin.  I’m not going around murdering people so I’m pretty sure God will forgive me.  Like several of the other brides said I wouldn’t be okay with marrying a man I didn’t live with.  I want to make sure that both he and I will work well together so we can be happy.

During the first year or two of us living together I heard it constantly.  I was actually once called a concubine (I’m not kidding she used that word) and was told that he would never marry someone who he could be with already.  When I had a decent relationship with my mom if she saw a mutual friend that both her and my fiance’s mom has my mom would always tell me how they were talking and even the mutual friend thought his mom would be pissed (my fiance’s family is religious and his mom is very blunt) about us living together.  I constantly had to tell my mother that his mom was perfectly fine and she never cared when I told jokes that involved us living together.  My mother was always just trying to cause commotion out of me.  If I ever said a joke that involved us living together to my mom she would go tell me how wrong it is.  Eventually we just agreed that I would never mention anything that involved us living together and she would never say how wrong I am but that agreement didn’t really work out.

I really hope you figure out a way to make it stop or just ignore it.  I could never just let it slide past me.  I don’t know if it’s just not been brought up because my parents are no longer welcomed in my life or if it’s just because we’ve been living together for awhile but it’s stopped.  I feel a lot better now that it’s stopped. 

When it comes to things like “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” I would just say if he wants to marry me he’ll marry me if not than he wont be even if I’m not living with him.  That phrase just makes it sound like you have to trick him into marrying you.

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