I’m a about to be a second wife…but I don’t really like to think of myself that way. LOL. My Fiance was with his ex for 10 years, and he’s been divorced for 10 years. I initially met him shortly after his divorce, but I was seriously young and stupid at the time and it was quite obvious that though he was excited to meet someone he was attracted to, whom he really adored…that he was dealing with some depression, indicitive of the fact that he wasn’t over his relationship.
We ended up deciding we would be better as friends….and actually didn’t speak for a very, very long time. A few years after his divorced he wanted to pick up where we left off…and that was hard for me. I still really felt like he wasn’t ‘done’ grieving and I was dating and I didn’t feel like getting my heart stomped on.
In the end, it was all about trust. In the two years preceeding our engagement, the sadness lifted from him completley and he fell in love…and it happend to be with me. I think I’ve always loved him, from the moment I saw him…and I felt like he had gone through something really profound and painful and I just decided to care for him even though I couldn’t have his heart.
So, yes I did have times of fear that he would never stop loving her. At the same time I wasn’t holding my breath, I was living my life and seeing other people but something made me want to stay acquainted with him and I’m sure glad I did because there’s no one else for me.
As for his ex. I do have to see her around from time to time. They didn’t have kids but she’s still involved with his family here and there. It’s hard for me to be around her knowing he once loved her and I’m not sure how she feels…but we sure aren’t facebook buddies and she sure doesn’t come to my door when she comes by to pick up my nephews for a visit.
I can’t say I hae any doubts that his feeling for her faded long ago. I do sometimes feel jelous of her relationship with his family though.
My fiance’ actually got his marriage to her annulled so that he could marry me. (He’s not catholic but I am and it was required). And since he’s not a good writer, I had to interview him and write a deposition about his marriage and what went wrong, to proove to the courts that his marriage was invalid based on their laws. It was hard learning the ins and outs of their relationship…..but inT the end I found that they succumbed to puppy love in their teenage years, were pressured to marry by conservative parents, and they hardley ever discussed their feelings.
I think the annullment was sort of healing for him. I think he realizes now he didn’t do anything wrong, that they just didn’t have what it took, combined… to make it work.
I don’t think you should read too much into what he’s saying. Ask him what he means. As for his ex…I know it should sseem like if there’s no feelings then what’s the big deal, but you can’t erase the past. Just like you she had hopes and dreams with that man and they went out the window. She’s moved on and I’m sure she’s happy, but she doesn’t need to hear about his new life on a daily basis.
Be his one true wife, and don’t let the past haunt you.