Post # 1
I read this in a local wedding planning magazine and thought I would share because there seems to be a lot of discussion on the subject. It is from a Q&A with a bridal consultant whose pen name is Zadie:
I am planning a fall wedding and we do not want children to attend. I want this to be an adult affair. We are not even having a flower girl or ring bearer. Is it too awful to put a line in the invitations announcing NO CHILDREN?
Dear Adults Only:
In the olden days this topic never came up mainly because weddings were considered adults only affairs to begin with. Children, such as flower girls and ring bearers, were shuttled off after the ceremony not to be seen or heard from again that day. A few years ago, the question of children in attendance started coming up, but it was never addressed on the invitation. The bridal party assumed the duty of letting guests know that children were not welcome.
Today, we have progressed to the point where a note is permissable. It is best handled with a notation on the repy card- where people have a better chance of actually reading it. A delicate note of “Adults Only, Please” should handle it. There will still be people that insist that their children are not a problem; but that is not really the question. Many brides and grooms do not wish to plan a sperate menu for children; nor do they want to buy a kid a filet mignon. It is the perogative of the hosts who is invited and who is not. Zadie looks forward to the when hauling children to adult parties is not considered de rigeuer. It will still be helpful for the bridal party to circulate word that children are not invited.
*** I love this answer. Hope this helps with any of you wondering if it’s okay to put it on the invitation.
Post # 3
I am writing “Adult Reception to follow Immediately” on my invitation
Post # 4
I love this answer too!
When my sister and I were kids, it was never even considered an option to bring us to a wedding. And we were really well-behaved kids. My parents just believed that weddings are an adult affair, period.
Even when I was a flower girl, I got to ride in the limo to the reception, have some apps, and then my grandma came to pick me up. And I was seven at the time.
Post # 5
I’m with you guys. Her answer is perfection. We’re definitely doing adults only and I’ve always wanted it that way.
Post # 6
Thank you! My Mom says the same thing – that back in the day, people never brought children to weddings, but now it’s totally normal and considered ‘rude’ not to invite them! Us non-children brides have to go way out of our way to make sure people don’t bring them and in most cases end up looking like the bad guys.
Post # 7
oh I wish we were still in the Olden days when kids werent an issue because a reception is considered an adult affair………….now, i dont mind kids, but there are going to be about 30 of those little boogers at our wedding. 30. count em! Im waiting to begin having the “cake toppling over at the reception” recurring nightmare! Kinda wish there was a way to have an adult only affair, but its not an option….
to further my fears, I attended a wedding last week where 2 children were seated at our table. one of the girls managed to smear her wedding favor blue-colored candy all over her face and the table linen……yea.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
I want ours to be an Adults Only reception, bue I’m still hesitant to put that on there. I wish people would just be mind-readers. :p
Post # 9
I put adults-only ALL OVER our website, which I included the link to on our invites. And our invites very specifically said who was invited. Then, when people RSVP’d all sneaky, I sent my Mother-In-Law to go give them a reality check. Sorry, not buying your snot nosed, albeit well behaved child an ADULTS’ meal. No, No, No. Plus, with a 7pm-11pm reception? Puhlease.
I also included “cocktail/semi-formal attire please” on our website so nobody showed up in jeans. YAY!
Post # 10
@fiftyfootbride – trust me, they will not read your mind. My 1st wedding- I wanted adults only and thought it was enough to just not put their kids names on the invites. I just assumed people would know better. The reception was at a 5 diamond resort. I was an emplyee but if someone were to pay full price for it, it would have been $150pp-and that was 10 years ago! My cousin showed up with his 2 kids in tow that were like 5 & 8. I also had two friends that had newborns, but I didn’t mind that so much. They really couldn’t leave a 5-6 week old at home and they only stayed for a short time. But the best part was my cousin’s present to us was a free gift that they got from a dept. store! These cousins are NOT being invited to this wedding! 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's GrandparentsÃ¢Â€Â™ Ranch
great answer, children now are such a delicate topic, as a bride I don’t want my guest to think i don’t like children, but thinking about how to entertain them and the adults is way too much for us, I still don’t know if we’ll have enough children to fill a table so maybe I’m just getting worried with no reason 🙂
Post # 12
OMG seriously this really bugs me too. I just had one of my mom’s cousins invite her 12 year old son (who I’ve never met) to our VERY SMALL engagement party and my mom just let it happen, which is setting a precedent that is not going to fly with me for the actual wedding. When I tried to (calmly) explain this to her that you simply can’t just let anyone bring whoever they want because they convince you to over the phone, she flipped out on me. So, yeah, there’s going to be something going on my invites about the Adults Only policy. You’d think that people would embrace the opportunity for a grown-up night out with their spouse and just get a sitter but I guess not. It bugs me when anyone invites themself or someone else to any event, but people who do it for their kids (this woman in particlular) are especially obnoxious about it. Her whole tactic was to make make us feel bad about, like, tearing their family apart for a night. Get over yourself and get a sitter.
Post # 13
This is a tricky thing for so many people. We opted for an adults only wedding and reception. It will be very easy to enforce, because it’s at an adults only all-nclusive resort out of the country. Obviously this is drastic for most couples planning their wedding. It’s an encore destination wedding for us, and although we love our kids, and our relatives, and our friends kids to bits… this is for us. As Kittyachi said…why don’t people just embrace the idea of a night out sans kids? It’s not very often that it happens!
Post # 14
You know it’s so funny. I would have thought that since I’m getting married at 6:30 on a Saturday night and it’s black tie, most guests would know, it’s NOT a kid friendly event. It NEVER would have been back in the 70’s when I was a kid. However when my Aunt asked me how will her grandchildren (ages 9 & 7) handle my very late dinner at 8pm, I almost fell on the floor. Ummmmmm, they’re NOT invited. I guess I’ll be going the Adults Only route as well.
Post # 15
I put adult reception on the reply cards and although I knew two out of town couples that would find a really hard time finding sitters. I let them be the exception.
(We have a room on the side for the kids room but then this causes a logistical nightmare because I have to figure out whether or not I want to give them a seat in the main reception room. I don’t want to be that bride who doesn’t want kids whatsoever at the reception. I don’t want to be but then again I’m thinking about the kids that are wild and crazy. )
Now, there are people who live near by that are struggling on whether or not they can go because of this adult reception.
Now, I’m regretting making it a adult recption because of the people who can’t go. But I have to keep telling myself that if I didn’t make it an adult reception… that instead of the 5 kids that are in question… I would probably end up being about 15 more kids.
Then another dilema is what happens if I make an exception to the 5 kids… wouldn’t people who were able to find babysitters for my wedding, get mad at me??? Ahh!
I’m not a parent but this is just an idea that popped into my head about justifying an adult only reception… what about instead of have the couple go to the wedding, only one of them go and the other one stay home with the kids. If this was a perfect world, they would do that but it’s not a perfect world.
Post # 16
We are also having a “no children” reception but ours gets a little tricky because we have a five year old son (who will be the ring bearer), my five year old cousin will be the flower girl and then my Maid/Matron of Honor has a 6 year old son. Since my Maid/Matron of Honor is coming 500 miles I am making an exception for her but I know that other people in both of our families that have children will be angry because my MOH’s son is there. How do I side step those arguments?
We haven’t decided what we’ll put on the invitations yet, but I know that we will have lots of very upset relatives on our hands once they go out.