(Closed) For those secretly TTC or secretly pregnant–how do you handle questions?

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Armina33:  for alcohol, can you say you’re trying to go low-carb and lose a couple pounds?  Not sure about the tea, that sounds like a toughie!

Post # 4
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was ttc for a year and just always said that I was going, “gluten free” and that’s why I wasn’t drinking alcohol.  Unfortunately there were times that we’d be at a place with a gluten free drink option, but then I’d always pretend to take a sip and say how gross it was…haha.

As for caffeine, it doesn’t need to be avoided all together (ttc or pregnant) and I don’t think anyone will notice if you’re not drinking caffeine.

Post # 8
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Its soooooo difficult I cant stand it! I doubt Ill make it to 12 weeks without telling my co-workers who have been asking why Im so tired and have no appetite. Its been most difficult not telling the family because we are all so close. Darling Husband and I play on a soccer team w my Sis and bro and his sis and bro, his 2 best friends and their wives (1 is who we met thru) and 2 other close friends. I didnt play soccer friday night and had to fake a headache because of course I wanted to go watch. My dad was there w his gf and didnt ask why I didnt play which was strange? Then on Sunday we went to a couples and usually the girls (my SIL included) all drink wine together.  I had to decline the wine. I saw the look on my friends face but I told her I still have the headache. So hard to lie!

Post # 9
1031 posts
Bumble bee

You can use the headache, sore throat, medication excuse for the wine. You could also try saying that you don’t care for that brand, or drank a little too much the night before. Also have a little wine and fill the rest of the glass with sprite to make a spritzer.

All in all there is no reason not to have a few. Most ladies tend to drink until it’s pink. On the other hand I know what you’re going through I decided to cut out alcohol while we were TTC for a few cycles and it was frustrating. In all honesty the cycle that I just didn’t worry about alcohol is the one that I got knocked up.

As for coffee/tea, if it’s the evening/afternoon just say you haven’t been sleeping well and are trying to lay off caffiene, and ask if there is a decaf version, if not sulk a little, but say you really need the sleep.

Post # 10
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Armina33:  Sometimes I find that just saying “sure!” and accepting the wine/ coffee/ whatever is easier- then sip on it/ pretend to sip on it. If someone says why aren’t you drinking much? Say you are feeling dehydrated and need some water, or just grab water and drink that side by side with whatever beverage. Refusing often makes a bigger deal than just having the drink in front of you and pretending! People tend to notice less when you make less of a “thing” about it! Plus there are moments you can sneak some of the drink down the sink, or walk from the kitchen to living room and pop into bathroom on the way and dump most of it! Good luck to you!

Post # 11
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@Armina33:  When I was cutting down on caffine I told people my doctor had advised me to because it was making my heart race – no one questioned it, and it was partly true. 

Post # 12
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Armina33:  just have a glass of wine or coffee? It won’t really hurt anything. If you really don’t want to, just pretend to sip on it and dump it out when no one is looking. It’s usually easier to do that then to make up the excuses that no one will believe.

Post # 13
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@salmonofmarriage:   <this is what I do!

ive been pretend drinking at all our Christmas parties! Poor Darling Husband has been chugging my drinks for me while no one was watching!

Post # 14
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

For alcohol. use the anti-biotics excuse

Why can’t you drink tea? Is one or two cups a week (when you visit family) going to affect your chances of conceiving? Every woman I know drank coffee (some, lots!!!) throughout their pregnancy with no issues. For what that’s worth.

Or just ask for herbal tea!


Post # 16
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@salmonofmarriage: +1. I totally agree, just say “sure!” and don’t make a thing of it.

@Armina33:  I am nine weeks pregnant and it took us 4-5 months to conceive. I pretty much drank alcohol like normal during the process (although definitely less towards the end of my two week wait). Now that I’m pregnant I’ll just take a couple sips and then fake drink for the rest of the evening (go to the bathroom and pour some out, have my husband drink it, pour out my beer and put water in the can, etc). Sometimes it’s not even necessary- just having a drink in my hand and not even drinking it is fine. 

What’s been the hardest for me to hide is the exhaustion and queasiness. I feel like I am doing well hiding it and acting normal but a few of my friends have been concerned, asking if I feel ok or am I sad. I feel bad lying but I’m not ready for more than a few people to know at this point. Good luck to you!


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