(Closed) How did your upgrade happen? I am thinking of asking DH

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX

We upgraded for anniversaries. Might not ever happen again though according to DH lol

Post # 17
Member
7329 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t upgraded, but probably will in the future. By upgrade, I don’t mean trade in, but rather get a new ring and keep my origional. My current ring is beautiful, and while I like it and the style just fine – had I picked it out myself I would have gone with a different setting.

DH and I had several conversations in general, with various friends, about upgrading down the road. We are friends with a lot of established older couples (and by “older” I mean our parents age and older – because we’re early 30’s ourselves) and almost ALL of the women have upgrades – so it’s pretty common and DH is well aware of it. While my ring is much larger than most in my circle, I wouldn’t be opposed to going bigger – and having a different setting. 🙂 

Post # 18
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

 

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swirlyclover86:  When I talk to my husband about a new setting he always says, “Do you know what it’s like to pick an engagement ring for someone?”  I think he likes the fact that he didn’t go with a ring that I showed him and that he picked it on his own.  It’s just not what I would have picked for myself. 

I do see what you are saying though.

Post # 19
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee

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hyphensmith:  yeah what it truly comes down to is communicating something that works.  I’m just saying that I see their point of view on sentimental matters. I know this site can get into the mentality of “MY RING”, when in fact, it’s both of you since a part of him picked it too.  

Guys get so much flack about the ring buying process (he didn’t pick what I like, he ignored my wishes), but no one drops a big amount of monetary and emotionally charged expense of a ring without at least a second of thought about it.  I mean. He didn’t go to the jewelry place empty headed completely buying like a robot with no thought whatsoever. That’s never true. 

I see all sides, but for a bit I want to shine a light on why a man can be sentimental about it.  They are human. They have feelings.  Those feelings could get hurt.  

Post # 22
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why might it never happen again?

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JessMorgan777:  

Post # 23
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

My dh and I upgraded my e ring after I had our second child, and it was for very practical reasons. My first ring was a princess cut solitare and the setting was very high.I kept banging it on things, and with two small kids at home…. you seriously don’t want to know what kind of crap ended up on the sides of the diamond/ in the prongs. It always looked awful!!

Right around the time my son was born, my Father-In-Law also passed away and left my dh a little bit of extra money. We ended up trading in my original e ring and using the extra money to purchase a new ring. The new one is a round stone on a pave band. In my case, I didn’t have to worry about hurting my dh’s feelings…. the upgrade just kind of happened given all the above factors. Also…. the delivery of our son wasn’t easy either and there were a few complications so he wanted to give me a gift for dealing with all of that.

I don’t think that if I were you I would bring it up again unless HE did. that would be the time to address an upgrade, since it sounds like that’s when he would be more open to discussing it.. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings either.

Post # 24
Member
640 posts
Busy bee

I’m not looking to upgrade or change mine, but I had dreamed of a RB (and shown him what I loved) but he decided on a princess cut… As much as I love my ring, as he picked it and the stone represents him (we had already had it reset as the band was wayyy to thick) it’s not what I wanted and I cant help but wish I was able to pick. I do sometimes look at my ring and wonder if I will ever be able to get my dream RB solitaire’ but the one time it was bought up he said he wont ever want to change as its special to him.. plus he’s so proud I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Sometimes, I think we forget how important the proposal is to a man and the thought and effort that goes into it… that being said I continue to feel envious of the beautiful RB’s I see, and I think the life you lead and memories shared represents the marriage, so a ring upgrade or change doesn’t alter what you both have together.. I wouldn’t be opposed to changing it if he were to agree years down the line.

Post # 25
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband was talked out of buying the ring he wanted to propose with by his mother. He gave me a ring with a basic setting and told me to upgrade it later. I didn’t want to, I loved the plain and simple setting but my husband hated it. Absolutely loathed it. I’m not really sure he forgave his mother for talking him out of it, because he adored the setting. She told him that I was entitled to pick my own setting, but that’s not something I really wanted.

I “upgraded” a year later because it bothered him so much. Kept the stone the same and added only tiny tiny barely visible chippings (which I didn’t even notice the jeweler put in, I didn’t ask for them) and we designed my engagement ring setting & matching wedding band together.

Post # 26
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

I gotta be honest. Please don’t judge me but I’ve upgraded/ changed my ring 5 times over 17 years! My first ring was a .70 carat center with baguettes on either side, in gold.  Nothing wrong with it, lovely ring but over the years as my tastes and our income changed, we upgraded! But my hubby was 100% on board each time. A lot of times it was just wandering into a jeweler to look and then going from there. I’ve been very blessed but honestly if Hubby was offended, hurt or not on board in any way I likely would not have even tried! ( on another note, my hubby had his ring in his pocket after a workout a couple years ago, and it fell out and he ran over it accidently!)  I laughed my butt off! I was not upset at all. Gave him an excuse to buy a nicer ring too! But that’s us! I’m more sentimental about being married all these years, not about the ring!!! Good luck bee!!!!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  beetruz13.
Post # 27
Member
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Midland, TX

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lilsweetie:  Because DH thinks anything bigger Than what I have now is excessive 

Post # 28
Member
585 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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Hyperventilate:  what are chippings?

Post # 29
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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beetruz13:  We are similar and our hubbies are both 100% on board. I have been married 3.5 years and have had 3 upgrades in that time. I think I might be done upgrading though… but never say never! My husband is happy that I love my ring(s) and as long as I wear something on that finger, he is happy for me to change it up as often as I like. 

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