Post # 1
How long did it take you to get pregnant, and how did you not lose your mind?
We just entered month 5 actively TTC, and it has tested my sanity. I see so many “oops” and first/second month bfps on here, and while I’m happy for those people, the ease with which they got pregnant doesn’t apply to me, and it actually makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me. So i guess I’m just looking for support from others that took a bit longer, hope that I’m not a freak of nature, and that I’m not alone. Or reassurance that this is “normal.” I’ve read all the stats, 85% pregnant in 1 year, blah blah blah, and I’m not looking to hear stats, so please don’t post them. I’m looking for real people and real stories.
Just to note on why I hate the stats: I can’t think of anyone that I know or have met recently that took longer than 3 months. It seems to me like 85% are pregnant in 3 months!
Oh, btw Darling Husband and I are both 31, and I’ve already done the initial hormone/AMH/HSG testing, along with getting Darling Husband an SA. We’re all clear. So now I’m left to worry that there’s something so awfully wrong with me, like freakishly thick eggs that sperm can’t penetrate (which I did read one woman had!), that couldn’t be picked up with normal testing…
I’d love any advice on how to not slip into despair and to hear “your story” if it took you a bit longer….
Post # 3
I know lots of ppl that have taken longer. Some good friends are PG through IVF after 2 years. Another couple has been trying for at least a year with 2 miscarriages. Another friend has a 5 month-old after a year and a half trying (no interventions). When I’ve asked people, I have heard tons of stories about it taking a good 8 months.
I agree we need to hear more of the true stories about how long it can take!!
Post # 4
Great idea for a thread jholler!
Post # 5
Where are all the votes for this thread?! Bumping for ya, JHoller!
Post # 6
Maybe I shouldn’t butt in, because we’re not even TTC yet, but I wanted to lend my support, jholler, and let you know that it took my sister 6 months to conceive, and she had all of the same thoughts as you! It’s normal to worry! Just hang in there, and I’m rooting for you!!
Post # 7
I can’t vote cos we’re still TTC but we’re now heading in to cycle eight and quite frankly it sucks…
I’m 29, he’s 31 and we have no obvious or known fertility issues and every new cycle we go into I start to worry just a little bit more…
Good luck with your BFP!
Post # 8
It took us 5 cycles to conceive the first time (ended in early miscarriage), and then we were lucky to conceive again on the 6th cycle (due Jan 21st). I was charting, and using OPKs, and PreSeed, and making sure we were getting busy at all the right times! So there was definitely a good amount of effort being put into the process – heh.
It is rather difficult to maintain your sanity when TTC. Especially when it seems like everyone around you conceived on the first try or without trying at all (two close friends of mine concieved on the first try, and two other friends conceived when trying to prevent). It’s enough to make you wonder why you spent all that money on trying to prevent getting pregnant for so long – hah!
I remember thinking…if I only KNEW for certain I would concieve sometime in the next year, I could relax and enjoy the process. It was the not knowing that drove me insane. Constantly questioning myself, wondering if there was something wrong, and worrying about “wasting time” (I was 36 when we started trying).
But you know what – you just have to keep reminding yourself that the stats are on your side (especially after getting normal results on all the testing you’ve had)! I know that’s easier said than done, especially coming from someone that’s on the other side. But I remember being in your exact same position not too long ago, and I remember how easy it was to let my mind think about all the (very unlikely) things that might be wrong with me/us! Just tell that worrying mind of yours to shove it, and that you WILL conceive with or without it’s help thankyouverymuch!!
And here’s a more heartwarming hopeful story – after 4 years of trying (using all sorts of fertility treatments) my cousin and his wife were able to conceive their beautiful daugther. And you want to know the best part? It happened while they were on a caribbean vacation….taking a much needed break from all the fertlity treatments!
Good luck with your TTC journey – I hope it happens for you very soon!!
Post # 9
Hey jholler! It took my sister 5 or 6 months of very actively TTC (OPKs, charting) to get pregnant the first time. I think they started TTC in August and got pregnant in late Dec or early Jan. She unfortunately had a missed MC/D&C after 2 months. When she got her period back, they TTC for another 3 or 4 months and finally got pregnant again in July. I am hopeful that she now has her sticky baby – she’s almost 16 weeks!!!
We have two cousins who initally took a long time to get pregnant the first time around…at least a year for both of them. I don’t know if they had any intervention (IUI, IVF), but now one of them has 3 beautiful children and the other one has 2.
I am sure it is super frusterating/dissapointing, but try to hang in there! I saw your post about your hubby on the other thread and think he both sounds and looks (hello dimples!) adorable. Lean on one another and focus on all the blessings in your lives. I know that’s easier said than done sometimes!
I’m having a really hard time waiting patiently for my Darling Husband to be ready to start trying…I want a baby desperately. However, I can put things in perspective quickly by thinking of my very good friend (bm in my wedding) who just got her 10th cancer diagnosis in 18 years. It doesn’t take away my sadness at not being a mom right now, but seeing what she’s going through does remind me that I’ve very lucky for my health and the high probability that I’ll get to be a mom at some point (on our own or via adoption). My poor friend may not get that chance – her eggs are frozen to protect them from all the chemo she’s had over the years, but she has to survive this latest bunch of tumors first. 🙁 Anyway, I’m not talking about her to make you feel bad about how you’re feeling (esp. since I feel that way too and I’m not even TTC) – but I’m relaying this story because trying to keep things in perspective does seem to help my mood; that and remembering that my sister and cousins were all ultimately successful.
Post # 10
@JaneyD: I don’t think you’ll ever really know how much you’ve helped me in my TTC process. Hopefully, one day, I’ll have a house full of screaming wild kids, and without a doubt I will still think of you, and how you got me there. Thank you, friend.
@MrsMaine: 🙂 I was like, “Okay, maybe I am a freak of nature!”
@OttawaBride2011: There’s no butting in here, all stories welcome! I’m glad you’re an aunt, and thank you for sharing:)
@echo: Wow. Thank you. If/when I ever get pregnant, I can imagine myself writing your exact post to someone else. YES, if I could just KNOW that I’ll be PG, I’ll chill the hell out! Just between us girls, bc Darling Husband would look at me like I had lost my damn mind, I have actually considered going to a psychic? Is that redonkulous? There are so many here in South Florida! Probably because we’re home to the sheisters of the world, but I’ve actually thought about it. I’m just so scared that it’ll either be something bad, and I’ll worry, or they’ll tell me something super-good and then it won’t go down like that, and then I’ll be even more devastated. Yes, TTC makes your brain and your heart turn against you! Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me in a difficult time:) A REALLY difficult time!
Post # 11
We got pregnant at 10 months, but miscarried at 5-6 weeks.
Post # 12
@78h2o: I get it, and I appreciate you sharing:) Don’t feel bad about referencing your friend…That’s pretty much what Darling Husband pep talks me with, all the ways we have it made – that we’re so lucky in so many areas of life – in love, laugh our asses off at each other, good health, good jobs, etc, etc. So I know it could be a lot worse. And hell, even if it was a lot worse, we’d just have IVF until we got a baby. That’s not how I want all this to pan out, but that’s the cushion my brain is populating right now. IVF? Um, yeah, it blows and it’s life-altering expensive, but if it works, it’s life-altering. Period. So that’s how i’ve consoled myself lately. That even if it takes IVF(s), we WILL have a baby. And we’ll be stronger for it. I’ve seen a side of Darling Husband in these past few months that i didn’t totally expect, but I do totally love and adore. He is so supportive, and so encouraging, I just love him and can’t wait to make him a Daddy:) Thank you so much:)
@Mrs Sarah McK: Sometimes when I post about my frustrations, I think of you and feel like a total douchebag. I was so happy when you got your bfp, and literally cried when you lost it. I’m so sorry for your loss and for your struggles. And I am grateful for your support. Although I definitely don’t deserve it. You are going to be a wonderful mother one day. Sometimes I think this is all a perseverance test to make us better mommas. I’d rather bang it out once I gave birth, but if this is the way it has to be, for whatever reason, then there’s just not much that can be done other than, well, to just persevere. But we can do it together:)
Post # 13
I’m bumping for a SandDollar, for a Winniewolf, for a Lemondrop,for a Miss Mini (@MissMini- I know we majorly disagreed on a post, but honestly, I stand by my feelings,and yours may be different now that you’re pg, but either way, I’m very very happy that you’re healthily pregnant, and I’ve always still rooted for you and your LO. Just because I see something very differently than you, doesn’t mean I can’t still be happy for you, which I absolutely am. Not a bad person. Just agitated by a post that didn’t make sense to me.)
Help a sister out here! I have lived through your stories, and I would like more of them:)
Post # 14
@jholler25: Thank you. When I feel particularly bitter about it all, I remind myself that there are girls who have been trying longer and harder than me. It helps me keep things in perspective. And I remind myself that no matter how long it takes or what we need to do to get there, we’ll have a baby in our arms someday. It sucks hardcore now, but the alternative, to stop trying, isn’t an option. And I know that when I have my baby, it’s going to be so loved, and so incredibly wanted, and that someday, when they’re old enough to understand, I’ll tell them about how we struggled so long and hard, how we drove ourselves crazy and to tears month after month just to have them because we wanted them so very, very much.
Stay strong. I have no doubt you’ll get there soon, and you’re going to be such a great mother. This part sucks hard, but it’ll we’ll get there, and it will be so worth it.
Post # 15
Mostly commenting for ease of finding this for ease of reference in the future. We’ll be on “cycle 3” this month. “” since I haven’t had a period since I went off the pill in Aug, so it’s been three months of just doing it all the time and hoping we hit the possibly non-existent mark… Doctor said lack of period for 4 months, we’ll reassess, and no babies after 6 we’ll talk about other fertility treatments, since I was diagnosed with PCOS 4 years ago.
Happy baby wishes your way though!
Post # 16
@jholler25: this is totally unrelated, but your poll title reminded me of a video I have of my elderly grandmother “dancing” to that Tardy for the Party song. She was wheelchair bound due to crippling rehumatoid arthritis. It’s a good reminder (for me anyway) that attitude is everything! 🙂 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSg2cWkcAY (you might want to skip to 1:30, since she has the lights out for dramatic effect while she’s describing what she’s about to do). hopefully the sight of an old lady trying to dance to that song doesn’t scar you for life! 😉