(Closed) For those who didnt live together – learning wifely skills before the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 182
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@Shinytoy: If you plan to work full time, you may have to relax your homemaking standards a little. Don’t try to be a perfect cook and homemaker while working a full time job, commuting etc. You’ll drive yourself crazy, most likely. Your mother could do everything at home like a pro, but remember that she had more time for it.

I’d say, take the cooking class or get some books, and practice. It’ll get easier with practice and many delicious meals can be prepared in a relatively short time. Cleaning, again, if you’re working and don’t have the whole day for this, then try making a schedule. You don’t have to do everything in a day.

And relax! Perfection doesn’t exist! Smile

Post # 183
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’ve only read through page 2, so I’m probably missing a lot of the comments.  Initially I think I reacted the way a lot of people did.  Wifely duties, really?  Why do we have to say “wifely” can’t say “adult” and count both the husband and the wife?  

But then I read an additional post by the OP that says she has this idealized image that a women must be this perfect wife and mother but also have a great job and be able to manage all these things effortlessly.  Yep, I do that too.  I want to be able to cook and clean and take care of kids.  I’ve worked as a live-in nanny and that’s been my full time job before.  But that isn’t my career.  I have one of those and I am very proud of it.  When (I do have an SO, but we’re not engaged yet and not in any part of the planning stage) I eventually get married, I do sort of expect to fulfill all roles and the reality is, since we don’t plan on living together first, the first year of getting used to this enormous change is going to be hard.  If we choose to have kids early on, it will be even harder.  

Practically speaking, how do we contend with this idealized image of someone who works 60+ hours a week but still gets home in time to have dinner on the table, maintain a perfect household and be involved in their kids lives.  Is it even possible to do all these things with cooperation from a spouse who also works 60+ hours a week?

Post # 183
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Shinytoy:  Honestly I’ve been cooking for myself on a daily basis since I was 10, I was a picky eater so I just found it easier making food myself.  When I met my Fiance he didn’t know how to cook yet but since then he actually knows how to cook quite well.  I’ve also always been quite independent and done my own laundry, ironed my own clothes etc since my very early teens.  Now that we will be moving in together soon I must say that I’m grateful that I was proactive in learning these things because it really isn’t a shift at all, my Fiance also lived alone for a few years so he’s pretty equiped with house chores etc… the only thing he really doesn’t know how to do is sew I believe.   We’re Christians and don’t live together before marriage but needless to say he won’t be getting bad food for the first year, we’re both used to eating nice healthy meals.<br /><br />I doubt he will be getting bad sex either I might not be experienced but I’ve always been a quick learner! <br /><br />I think that housework should be done as a team, whilst I’m a student I’ll do more things around the house as he will be working but when we are both at home we will be sharing duties.  I’ll probably cook more but because we both agree I’m better at it haha, but he always cleans the kitchen and plates after.  The only thing that will change with marriage is cooking a greater variety of things… I’m a picky eater so I don’t eat a lot of meat or things like that, which he loves so I’ll be cooking more of a variety of things like that for him (I already know how, I just don’t do it all that much)

Post # 184
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

 

ETA: Just realized this was 3 years old! Whoops

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  missamysmiles.
Post # 185
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

Shinytoy:  I don’t live with my boyfriend, but let me just say that I fully do NOT intend on learning these so called “wifey” skills before we get married!  Like everyone else, I have learned basic skills on how to live on my own, like cooking, laundry, cleaning.  I am fully expecting that he knows how to take care of himself in this respect as well.  And I’m not expecting him to have all the “husbandy” skills either – mechanics, car stuff, whatever.  It is something that if we don’t know, we will learn as a couple.  As a general rule, I’m against all this sexist ideas of what a wife is supposed to do/what a husband is supposed to do.

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