(Closed) For those who have “kicked out” a bridesmaid…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

I have to pry, what did she do that was so bad? How long have you been friends?  I think these are important details, as they affect how  you could handle it.

Post # 4
Member
3522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I just told her it seemed like she had a lot going on in her life and that for both our sakes, I thought it was best that she just attend the wedding as a guest.

Post # 5
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Let me begin by telling you, I am a b*tch. I am that girl that has little patience for people that cause drama to the extent that it is more work than pleasure to be friends with them.

With that being said, I had to call my Maid/Matron of Honor and ask her to step down. She wouldn’t answer or return my calls for me to explain so I emailed her to let her know that I couldn’t have her stand up for us. I haven’t heard from her since. That was over 4 months ago and I couldn’t be happier with my decision. Sometimes, there are people that are not worth your time, your hurt feelings or your anger. Only you can decide if this girl is worth it.

I am not sure what your Bridesmaid or Best Man has done to want you to cut her from the wedding, but be prepared to most likely end the friendship. Apparently, weddings are also an emotional upheaval (sp?) for our friends/family too…it’s not just us that can get worked up.

Post # 6
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@lilmiss26:

You liked her and respected her enough to ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and now don’t care that you have never heard from her since?

ouch

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yes, I agree. That is why I whole-heartedly admit…I am a complete b*tch.

She had been dating her SO for much longer than my Fiance and myself had been dating. I was proposed to first and had no doubts she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor of choice (she helped my Fiance and I get together).

At first, she was super excited and was honored. After the planning began, her resentment for not being engaged first caused a TREMENDOUS amount of drama that could never be forgiven. I would never allow someone to stand beside me that bad-mouthed my relationship from her own pure jealousy.

 

Post # 11
Member
1559 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Bunny0711: I have not had to deal with kicking someone out of the wedding, but I have had to deal with my share of drama. 

I, too, dislike confrontation, and I try to avoid it whenever possible, staying friends with people I don’t care for or playing nice just so I don’t have to hurt feelings. 

However, it seems to me that this girl is harmful. Playing nice is one thing if she were just annoying or something, but this is beyond that. 

I think you have 2 options- You can either muster up enough courage to tell her straight up that you don’t appreciate the way she’s acting, and don’t want her in your wedding, or you can have Fiance do it for you. 

My thought is that if she seems so creepily interested in your Fiance (possible crush?), then maybe hearing from him how angry it makes you both will make her less likely to blow up, because her interest in him will shame her. 

And if she blows up on you or stops being your friend, is it really that bad? Sounds like she’s not the type of person you want in your life. 

Post # 12
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to step down. After 20 years of friendship you would think that she would be more than happy to stand in my wedding however this was not the case at all. She didnt want anything to do with wedding planning and basically told me no one will be as excited about my wedding as me and that she could only be happy for me on the day of the wedding. I confronted her with my other bridesmaid (my now MOH) and we tried to find out why she didnt want to be a part of the wedding. She was full of excuses. long story short we have not talked since my engagement party (October 2010- i confronted her after the party) where she sat in the corner and was completely snotty when anyone asked her about the wedding. she obviously is not in my wedding and has since dropped out of 2 other weddings she was supposed to stand it. I dont know if it got to her that all our childhood friends are getting married while she is single but she actually waited till last minute to drop out of one of the weddings when the bride had already paid for half of the bridesmaid dress! I would much rather be surrounded by friends & family who love & support us on our special day

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve never had to go through this thankfully (& I’m so sorry that you are), but I would just be straight with her in a diplomatic manner.  DOn’t let her suck you into the drama and cause a scene or else then she may just blab to everyone about what a “Bridezilla” you are and make you the bad person in the situation.

Perhaps just say something like “I hope you will understand that due to recent stressful events, I feel like it will be better for both of us if step down from being a bridesmaid.  I think that this is the best way to be able to continue you our friendship and I hope you will still attend the wedding, as a friend to both my Fiance and I.” 

Let her throw a fit if you think she will, but maintain composure and leave it at that. good luck!

Post # 14
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

@Bunny0711:

 Wow.  Those sound like really good reasons.  I think it’s going to be pretty tough to do without causing some waves.   Good luck to you!

 

@lilmiss26:

Doesn’t sound b*tchy, sounds perfectly reasonable 🙂

Post # 15
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I hate using the term “kicked out” as that is what I had to hear my Mother-In-Law scream at me for months accusing me of doing. I don’t considering it “kicking out”. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man IMO is a honor and people should treat as such that, as well as someone who supports the marriage. When I say honor, I just mean overall excitement and happy and proud to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man. I didn’t ask much at all of my Bridesmaid or Best Man just to be there and share in my special day. I wasn’t the type of person that expected my Bridesmaid or Best Man to do my programs, or invites and such like that.

In my case, I asked my SIL to step down, I didn’t really ask, I simply said ” I think it’s best if your just a guest at the wedding, since you obviously don’t support this marriage and for the past 5 months, you and your mother have treated me rotten and rudely and made my engagement a nightmare with your drama caused by your jealously and issues that only you created”

I didn’t read your whole post, and not sure of why you want to ask your friend to step down, but I think the reason is a big factor.

Post # 16
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I had an issue with a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  She said some really nasty things about my sister to my face, who happened to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.  At the time I didn’t know how to react because I was shocked.  I still don’t know if it was a jealousy thing or what, but I couldn’t shake what she said about my sister.  The Bridesmaid or Best Man had always been opinionated, but what she said was downright hateful and uncalled for. 

After a few weeks of trying to figure out what to do (I was truly distraught, I couldn’t handle her comments yet I dreaded confronting her) I finally texted the BM that we needed to talk.  We set up a date, but she ended up cancelling on me because she said she was ill. 

I then emailed her to tell her I really wanted to reschedule, and that we had to talk about the friendship, and that I was upset about some things that had happened.  She responded: “I sensed something was wrong and at this point I think it is best if I stepped down from the wedding.”  I wrote back, “Okay, I guess we are on the same page then.”  I think she was surprised I agreed.  I think she expected me to say, “no, no, no, stay!”  But by then, I was pretty much just over it.

Since then we have tried to talk about the whole situation and made things even worse.  She denied saying anything about my sister- just straight up lied about it.  She also told me I am over-sensitive and imagine things.  It didn’t end well between us.  I had tried to keep my composure but I ended up just walking away from the friendship forever because I felt I couldn’t get anywhere with her.

I feel your pain.  Those weeks where I was trying to decide what to do- do I confront her, do I let it go– ugh, it was horrible.  I knew in my heart I didn’t want her near me or my sister on my wedding day because she had been so heinous.  But the thought of confronting her was horrible.  And yes, the friendship is now over because of it, which bothers me sometimes.

I think you need to do what is in your heart.  Everyone told me the best way to do it was face to face, which is why I tried to meet with her in person.  But do what you need to do.  Be prepared for the friendship to end, although it doesn’t sound like she is much of a friend to you anyway.

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