Post # 17
I had to ask a bridesmaid to step down. It was a very one sided friendship and she was constantly bailing on plans we made. It’s sad when you make plans with a friend and you expect a call an hour or two before hand with an excuse as to why they can’t make it. The final straw was her forgetting plans we had for lunch, twice. I called her and she promised to step up and make more of an effort. After that phone call, I didn’t hear anything from her for two weeks and after that I tried calling her and when I couldn’t get in touch with her, I sent a Facebook message.
She freaked that I sent her a FB message, but I couldn’t get in touch with her any other way. I told her I wanted to talk about it in person, but I knew she would bail or forget. I haven’t talked to/heard from her since.
Post # 18
Wow thank you so much for all of your insights.
I’ve decided to ask her to meet me for coffee. I need to handle this delicately since her brother is close friends with Fiance and is in our wedding. I’m going to acknowledge that we were once close and that I probably should have expressed my feelings with her in a more timely manner and explain that it takes me awhile to process emotion. I’m going to let her know that I don’t feel like we’re on the same page and that I feel like it’s best if she just attend the wedding as a guest.
I’m trying really hard to be diplomatic!!
Post # 19
I didn’t read through all the posts, but I actually demoted my Maid/Matron of Honor to a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We sat down, had lunch together, and I just told her that I knew if she was Maid/Matron of Honor and couldn’t EVER be there to help in any way, then she needed to step down. I also told her that I didn’t want this wedding to cause resentment between either of us, and result in us losing our friendship.
Confrontation is never easy. But in a case like this there’s no getting around it. Plus it shows a lot more respect by you being up front and talking to your Bridesmaid or Best Man. I hope she understands! Good luck!
Post # 20
I agree with lilmiss26 that, however you handle it, you need to be prepared for the friendship to end also. When I married my first husband (at 22 years old) I had a bridesmaid that I had been friends with since we were 12 years old. Long story short, tons of drama ensued during the wedding planning, because when she married my then husband’s) best friend the year before her wedding budget was significantly smaller then what he and I were given and it caused issues. She refused to order her dress, refused to be part of the planning, but still wanted to socialize. I finally, without his support, had to tell her I no longer wanted her to be a part of my life and that the drama was unwanted. Years later she contacted me and we re-established our friendship. You have to think of what is best for you especially at this time of your life.