(Closed) For those who live with SO's… Nightmares?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What do you do after a nightmare?
    Go directly back to sleep, not really a problem. : (30 votes)
    35 %
    Stay awake for awhile, distract myself alone, go back to sleep. : (30 votes)
    35 %
    Wake up my SO to help me before I can go back to sleep. : (26 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee

    None of the above. I don’t wake him up but I cuddle on him and it helps sooth me so that I can fall asleep again.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2457 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t really have nightmares too often, and when I do, they’re mostly a mix of being asleep and being awake…so I know I’m sort of awake, but can’t get a complete handle on reality. I don’t like to wake Darling Husband up, but if I lay close to him, facing him, touching him, I can usually come back to earth and really fall asleep.

    He has nightmares though. Every once in a while. It usually wakes me up, and I hold him really tight and remind him to breathe, that I’m right there, and everything’s fine. He usually will tell me about the nightmare, and then I head back to sleep. I know it takes him about 20-30 min to fall back asleep most of the time.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    When we’re actually home together, I’ll snuggle up close to my SO or wake her up and ask her to hold me for a bit. She doesn’t wake up completely so I don’t feel bad about waking her up to comfort me. But we work opposite shifts now so I sleep by myself 5 nights of the week. If I wake up from a nightmare, I’ll usually text her and kind of focus on waking up and calming down.

    I’m prone to nightmares but they don’t sound like they are as bad as yours! =( Mine are usually extremely violent or involving demons and really freak me out. I have to tell myself in the dream “wake up! wake up, this is a dream, wake up.” over and over and usually it will work after a while (if I’m able to recognize in the dream that I’m dreaming). I also have recurring dreams a lot so usually halfway into them, my mind recognizes that it’s a dream & I’ve been through it before which usually results in me trying to alter the outcome. I have Inception style dreams where I’ll “wake up” 2 or 3 times before I’m actually awake in reality or I’ll be dream paralyzed (which took me a long time to learn that when that’s happening I am still dreaming)

    I like dreaming most of the time but I dream so so vividly that nightmares are way too real. I can’t wait until my SO is back on day shifts (which realistically is a year away =/) so I don’t have to self soothe

    Post # 6
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Bebealways:  “I have a LOT of nightmares, and they’re serious business. When I finally wake  myself up I’m highly agitated, still heart-pounding scared and confused, often  for 20-30 minutes at a time, sometimes I find it hard to move or speak and have  to “break out” of it.

    +1.

    I’m a bit like you when it comes to nightmares and I picked the “Wake up my SO to help me before I can go back to sleep” option, but usually it’s him who wakes me up from my nightmare, as I cry or whimper in my sleep (so lame).

    He’s a doll about it, cuddles me, reassures me and strokes my hair till I fall back asleep. If I had a nightmare and didn’t wake him, he’d be annoyed that I lied awake trying to calm myself instead of waking him up and falling back to sleep easier/happier.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3415 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

    I dont have nightmares often but when I do I normally don’t wake up. If I do wake up I might just go to the bathroom and then head back to bed. I can’t remember the last time I woke up in tears and scared to go back to sleep.

    Post # 8
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Usually when I have a bad nightmare I’m crying or calling out before I wake up, and MrMojito wakes up and gently pulls me out of the nightmare and holds me until I’m calm. If I just wakeup from a nightmare, I usually snuggle close to him (which generally doesn’t wake him up) and wait until I’m calm enough to go back to sleep.

    I don’t feel bad about waking him up because he usually doesn’t even remember it the next day!

    Post # 9
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Bebealways:  Just wondering, is there a theme to your nightmares?

    I have had a couple of terrifying nightmares in the past and I always woke my SO up and turned on the lights to talk it out lol 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @Bebealways:  Oh my goodness, that’s horrible 🙁 So sorry you’re having so many nightmares. It seems like you are very stressed out right now. You should try to incorporate a relaxing nighttime routine to decompress. Whenever I’m anxious before bed (especially with all the wedding planning ridiculousness that I have to deal with), I breathe from my diaphragm and focus on my breath until I fall asleep. I swear by it!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2190 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    My husband usually has to wake me from mine. I will be screaming in my dream so it comes across as whimpering, gasping, or whining to him. He can tell I’m freaking out and gently shakes me awake saying “it’s just a dream, it’s just a dream. It’s ok. I’m here.” I don’t have them often (typically only when really stressed) but he knows how to handle it when they do. The first time it really freaked him out. Once I wake up I usually just stay immobile in one place breathing heavily until I really come to. Then fall asleep in his arms.

    Post # 13
    Member
    903 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    My Fiance is (adorably) completely incoherent and confused when woken in the middle of the night, so if I do have a nightmare and try to wake him up for comfort, he makes a sort of high-pitched mumbling sound that he assumes is reassuring and then promptly falls back asleep and starts snoring, while I lie there forEVER trying to fall back asleep.  So I usually don’t bother, and just tell him in the morning.

     

    I wake up instantly, when it’s the other way around, so I’m able to talk him down from being freaked out and then he falls back asleep more or less right away, while I again lie there forEVER trying to fall back asleep.

     

    Fun story – I once woke up in the middle of the night for no reason, there was no sound, nothing, to see my Fiance sitting up on the side of his bed, with his hands on his knees, facing away from me.  I instantly whirled over to grab the trash can and whirled back to slam it down in front of him, just in time for him to vomit spectacularly into it.  He was literally a second away from spewing all over the carpet because he was still too asleep to realize what was happening.  Then I hauled him into the bathroom to clean him up and put him back to bed with an urp bucket.  He has no memory of this (he has remarkable sleep-amnesia).  Needless to say, if our future children should happen to have any sort of crisis in the middle of the night, I will be taking care of it.

    Post # 14
    Member
    823 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Bebealways:  I also suffer from relatively frequent nightmares, and I do wake Fiance up. Sometimes on purpose, and sometimes just because when I wake I’m so startled and almost throw myself out of the bed lol. He’s always very good about calming me down and holding me until I fall asleep again, and he knows to wake me up too if he has one. Nothing makes me feel better when I do have one than waking up and realizing Fiance is right there. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    8041 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Bebealways:  I’ll wake him up if I’m seriously traumatized. Sometimes just waking up and calming down for a few minutes by myself then going to the bathroom is enough for me.

    Post # 16
    Member
    547 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I voted for “wake up my SO.” I will usually just try and snuggle with him so that he only half wakes up and snuggles me back.

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