- 10 years ago
I’ve noticed many members here know that the boyfriend has bought a ring or is planning to buy it, has set up concrete deadlines, has set the wedding date, etc. – in other words, they’re only missing an element or two to have the whole thing come together. But what about those of us who have absolutely NO. CLUE. I figured maybe this thread could be a sound board for those of us whose prospective engagements are still truly ‘ifs’ and not ‘whens.’
Tell us about your relationship. How long have you been together? What hints, if any, have you seen that he might propose? Is there anything worrying you that makes you think he might not propose? Have friends or family members ever hinted that he might have something up his sleeves?
My boyfriend and I celebrate our third anniversary in early October. I’m in my mid 20s and he’s in his late 20s. He’s got an excellent career and does well for himself. We agreed to live together about 5 months, under the stipulation that we would either be engaged or moved on with our lives within a year. We later revised the agreement when we got more information on our lease, which ends in early February – I told him that at the end of our lease, I would not sign another lease or move in with him to another place. He agreed. I am not going to spend years living with a man while he wastes away my youth.
We’re now almost halfway through this ten month agreement. Nada. Zip, zilch, zero. Unless I bring up something related to engagement, it never comes up. I was surprised several weeks ago when I started mentioning what I like about rings – and he asked some questions in return.
He found out my ring size a few weeks ago in passing. Last night, to test my theory that he forgets every single thing a person ever tells him (…sigh), I asked him to recall my ring size. He hesitated and then said, “I don’t know…(insert gigantic ring size number here)?” and he was right. Maybe he’s just trying to play dumb now.
I know when he goes to work and gets off of work…unless he’s going to work later or leaving work earlier to hit up jewelry shops, I know that he’s not getting me anything. I’ve seen no evidence that he’s looking at ring sites – of course, he uses several computers, so I have no idea what he’s up to at any given time. The mystery brings some excitement into the relationship, but it also leaves plenty of room for disappointment: he has disappointed me several times in the past for far more minor circumstances, like birthdays or anniversaries.
I feel I’ve just grown numb to the idea of getting engaged; I just assume it won’t happen based on how ‘into it’ he seems to be (i.e., not very). Right now, I feel like I have one foot in and one foot out of the relationship – one’s in in the hope he’ll come around and propose, and the other’s ‘out’ with the knowledge that he may never propose.
Do men ever propose without a girlfriend nagging, demanding to know answers about it or something else? It sure feels as though it doesn’t happen. From my (admittedly) limited view, I think most men would be content just to move in with a woman and then never do anything from there. It never seems like any of them are REALLY interested in getting engaged/married, but bother to do it because they feel the girlfriend is.