(Closed) For those with kids,do you expect your SO to be a parental figure to your child?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you expect your SO to be a parent to your child
    Nah they have a father they don't need another : (0 votes)
    Of course, if they will be my husband, we'll share parenting duties : (14 votes)
    88 %
    Other : (2 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Crebre, this is a great post, and I can’t believe you have no replies and so few votes on it. So I’m bumping it for you! πŸ™‚

    Post # 5
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    3 more days!!!!!! I leave the country at 5pm on the 1st (4am EST) and get in ’round 9 at night πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    And yes, I am ECSTATIC!

    Post # 7
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    about 80% on the packing πŸ™‚

    ETA: I think I hijacked your post (or you hijacked your own post?), haha, sorry if it scares anyone else off ;P

    Post # 9
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    I dont have a kid, but I’m on the otherside. My SO does expect me to be a stepmom to his son, but his birth mom is territorial (Like I don’t have eggs to have my OWN children Yell) so I’m more of a authority figure who cares about him. If you understand what I mean.lol

    Post # 10
    Member
    1205 posts
    Bumble bee

    My situation is a little different because my XH is not such a great Dad.  Yes he pays his support and yes he sees them, but he just completely fails at creating that safe-place full of unconditional love for his kids.  He’s tough and rough and just doesn’t get it.

    Fiance on the other hand – who does not have any children and has never been married – totally “gets” it.  My children are safe in his arms and they know it.  he has given my children all of the the love and affection they lacked from their dad.  He does not live in my house, but is there every day when the kids go to bed.  He tucks them in, we eat dinner together, he does homework with them, etc. etc.

    So yes – I expect and we do share the responsibility of raising these children.  They have become as much his as they are mine and I couldn’t be happier.  One of the amazing things about Fiance is that he loves it – every drama filled, XH being crappy, kids acting out minute of it.  For the first time in my life I have a partner.  It really is amazing and I am so blessed!

    Post # 11
    Member
    316 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Being the one who will be the stepmom when I marry my Fiance, I can say that yes, I will be and have been a parental figure in my soon to be stepson’s life.  I have known my Fiance since his son was 3. He is now 11 and to me he is like my own even though he is only with us 4 months of the year.  In my opinion, I think that any parent who takes an active role in their child’s life will expect their SO to play a huge role in the raising of their child.  I know if it didn’t work out with his son, it wouldn’t have worked out with my Fiance because he is his number one priority.  I feel so blessed to be part of his life and wouldn’t want it any other way.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4023 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Sorry Crebre! Didn’t see this post until now! But I agree with you (and no, not just so you don’t tag me as being snarky!hahaha!)

    My son is my life. He has a dad (who I absolutely dispise because he does everything in his power to make my life hell, but that is a completely different story!) His dad doesn’t pay a dime, but I still give him a TON of visitation time. He is my sons dad after all and I think it is important that he knows him.

    Right from the beginning my now Fiance knew that if he wanted to be with me, he had to be with my son too. We are a package deal. He doesn’t have to replace my sons dad, but he needs to step in as another father figure and be another dad to him. We are getting married and sharing our lives with each other, so that means with my son too. My Fiance agrees with me completely. He is there for both of us, loves both of us, and respects my sons dad.

    I couldn’t and wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t step up to the plate with my son.

    Post # 13
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    My children are my life and have inspire me every day.  Mr. Snuggie, is totally on board with helping me raise the children.  Just as I am on board with helping him raise his children.  Since we’re both single parents, we are on the same page as far as kids are concerned and it has never been an issue.  We’ve always included our children in our lives.  We often have what I call “family dates” in which he brings his kids and I bring mine.  I don’t see it working without both parties taking a part in parenting. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    7499 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My daughter’s father is involved in her life so she has a dad.  But my Fiance is much more involved in the daily business and he is good at it.  So yes- I do expect him to be a parental figure.  My daughter is pretty lucky to have 2 men in her life who love her to pieces.

    Post # 15
    Member
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I think that you really have to define what being a dad is. For me, there is only one day for my kids — my XH. He is not the best dad on Earth, but he is their dad and the ONLY dad to them. Now who does the actual RAISING of a child is different. Grandparents, aunts, foster paretns all RAISE children — that does not make them mom/dad, In My Humble Opinion.

    For me, at my children’s age, I would never expect anyone I marry to be my children’s “dad,” nor would they be okay with that. My daughter is very quick to tell someone, “The Boy is not my daddy…” (she’s 4). Her dad is her dad, period.

    That said, the Boy does help me parent/rasie the kids and does much more for them than their dad does. He loves them and they love him, but he’s not their dad. And that works for me. If anything, like eeniebeans, I feel lucky my kids have two men who love them.

    Post # 16
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee

    My son is 3 and he is my everything. I love him so much. His dad does not do anything for it him at all financially. He comes around once in a while to see him. I will totally expect my Fiance to be a parental figure and possibly the only father my son will ever know. I told my FI on our first date that me and my son are a package deal. You simply cannot want to date or be with me and not want my son.

    My grandmothter went through some sad times as a child because her mother chose a man over her. When grandmother was about 8 her mom remarried and the man did not want her ,so her mom sent her to live with her aunt. In fact my grandmother grew up thinking that her mom was her aunt and her aunt was her mother. My grandmother did not find out until she was 16 or so who her biological mother was.

     That is why I know from the beginning if a man likes and wants kids first. I would want my son to have a great life and know that it doesn’t matter if his biological father (I sometimes refer to him as the sperm donor) comes around or not, he has a wonderful father and that is my Fiance…My son does call my Fiance daddy sometimes because he is so young and thinks my Fiance is his father.

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