(Closed) For those with Pastors/Reverends/Officiants (sorry rant)

posted 6 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I appreciate this information.   It has not fallen on deaf ears and you have made one Reverends tip bigger.  

 

Post # 4
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree that people should be polite and respectful and I’m sorry to hear you’ve had some bad experiences!  However, I didn’t agree when you said, “I am the MAIN reason you are having a wedding. Without me to Officiate, your wedding is just a party and isn’t legal.” because without you, I could just hire someone else!  I do understand what you are getting at though; the officiant is a very important part of the day.  If they don’t show up, there is a serious problem!

Luckily for us, our pastor is also a long time friend and neighbour and will be included in the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony (of course), and the full reception, as will his fiance and parents.  We will be giving him a personal gift instead of a tip as he does not wish to be paid for his services.

I’m not sure how I feel about people being made to feel obligated to invite their officiant to the reception, though; I think that should depend more on their personal relationship with you.  To some, the officiant is just as much a “service for hire” as the DJ, florist, or caterer.

Thank you for the reminder, though, about all the extra “unpaid time” you spend with couples.  That’s definitely something to take into account.

Post # 7
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrs.t_finally:  I think this is good for us all to hear. 

Post # 8
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@mrs.t_finally:  I hear ya.  People can be very unappreciative and it can be hurtful.  Vent away, sistah!

Post # 10
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Gosh sounds like you have some horror stories. Also like you have gone above and beyond.

I guess the difference between how we should treat the different vendors/service-providers at our weddings can get confusing. We found our reverend through references and totally bonded with him, and assumed that he would be invited to the reception, however I can see how (right or wrong) the officiant could get lost in the shuffle of “we are paying him/her to make our wedding happen, and that’s the end of it.” Sort of like how the florist would deliver the flowers, we would pay them, and they would go their merry way. I appreciate that the ceremony and marriage portion is WHY the wedding is even happening, and that the quality of the officiant and the effort that they put in can really set the tone for the marriage.  

Regarding tips, that’s good to know that officiants expect and would like to be tipped. I likely would have…however the guidelines on the ettiquette sites say that if the vendor/service provider owns their own business, then they do not get tipped. I would have thought many officiants fall into that boat. 

Thanks for sharing your perspective, it’s very helpful!

Post # 11
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

That’s awful, I’m so sorry!! No one should be treated that way, and definitely not the person you are trusting to perform your marriage.

Ours was performed by my husband’s friend, and we gave him a nice gift and a thank you card, as well as paying for his accommodations.

Post # 13
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrs.t_finally:  Just a rough guideline on amounts.  What have been an average, high and low tip?   I knows it’s not about that, but we have someone here who can help.  I genuinely would like to know. 

Post # 15
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Thank you for posting this!  I hope it opens everyones eyes! 

The topic ‘For those with Pastors/Reverends/Officiants (sorry rant)’ is closed to new replies.

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