(Closed) For VIRGIN brides…. Honeymoon

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 32
Member
2820 posts
Sugar bee

There’s no rule that says married couples have to do it every night.

i think most men would want their partner to want to do it then be scared of them, which means he might have to be patient for a little bit longer.  Use your wedding day as permission to get to know each others bodies.  But stop when you’re unsure or getting nervous, let him learn to comfort and reassure you, that’s part of marriage too.  And if all the bases aren’t rounded in one night, hopefully that’s OK with your husband, not every night is a homerun night, especially your first time up to bat.  If you aren’t scared of his body things will go A LOT better so give yourself time to learn to respond to him.

Post # 33
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I second the comment to start getting more comfortable with your own body.  If you’re too scared to even use a tampon, I imagine you must be terrified of anything else.  You need to be comfortable with yourself before you’ll be comfortable with anyone else touching you.

Do you have girlfriends who have gone through this before?  Could you talk to them about their experiences?  Have you been to the gyno yet (don’t put this off forever)?  Have you ever masturbated (not that this is necessary, but can help you learn more about yourself)? There are lots of steps you can take now to get yourself ready and learn more about your own body in the process so that you begin to feel more comfortable sharing your body with someone else.

Ultimately you need to do whatever helps you take pressure off this “event” because the more you build it up in your head, the more you’re likely to freak out. 

Post # 34
Member
293 posts
Helper bee

I just read your post that all you have done so far with your future husband is hug… given that fact, I would STRONGLY suggest not having sex on your wedding night. Give yourselves some time to get to know each other sexually in other ways first! I can’t imagine going from the level of a hug directly to sex in one night. No wonder you’re scared, I think anyone would be. You’ll be a lot happier if you take some time enjoy each other on the honeymoon first, becoming more and more intimate, before you go “all the way”. Give yourself time to really want it and know what it is that you’re wanting, and you’ll know when you’re ready!

Post # 35
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Our bodies were created to have sex and it’s very natural. Stay within your comfort level and enjoy this special time!

Also, this may be no-brainer advice, but I think movies and television portray sex unrealistically and going STRAIGHT to sleep isn’t the best idea. Definitely make sure that you *tinkle* after sex. This will help clean everything out. 🙂

Echoing what another bee mentioned, I would see a gynecologist to have everything checked out. That would be a great time for you to ask questions and figure out birth control options, if applicable. Plus, women should have a yearly pap smear.

Post # 36
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There is nothing like making love with the love of your life. And while neither I or FH are virgins, it’s a completely different feeling than anything else previously. 

 

I was 16 when I lost my virginity. I’m nearly 27 now. I didn’t find it painful at all, I rather enjoyed it (not to orgasm tho), but because the boyfriend that I had had then we had been together a year and fooled around a lot so we were comfortable in front of each other and knew when it was time…. which was on a monday afternoon when we didn’t have school during midterms weeks. 

 

My advice: spend some time with your own body at night or in the shower. you need to be comfortable with your own nakedness before you’re comfortable with it someone elses precence. You don’t have to masterbate (of which there is nothing wrong it, but if you want to save your first sexual experience unti then, hold off), but just touch yourself like you’re running a feather over your body so you can get used to an intimiate touch. 

Also, make sure that you stay hydrated and pee before and after (within an hour) of any penetration… will help to keep the UTI at bay. Since all you’ve done is hug, touch eachother in safe places like arms, legs, back, stomach, and then start exploring. Dont’ expect to have an orgasm the first time, you’ll be to preoccupied to really enjoy yourself. 

Consider reading an erotic novel, or something in the harlequin romance section to help get you in the mood. Or, get the Joy of Sex to read. It’s a classic sex manual. 

 

Dont wear a thong after and don’t feel ashamed if you bleed or if you need to stop. Use a bit of lube on both of you, go slow, and try missionary (man on top) first. Don’t have distracting music or tv on. It’s okay if you start laughing. Remember to breathe and remember that the first time isn’t the only time. Oh and if you’re not having kids right away, go to your gyno and discuss options to start now. 

Sidenote: If you want to try using tampons, get the ones with the plastic applicator and the rounded tip and use the smallest size possible and you shouldn’t have issues. Just only use them when you have your period. 

Lastly, sex is awesome and can be a lot of fun. So enjoy yourself 🙂

Post # 43
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

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@MuchGreater: One of many things they’re designed to do! 🙂

Post # 44
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@MuchGreater: I debated saying anything but I believe in being ready for all possible outcomes…so I will tell you of the experience that no one seems to have had.

It was painful. So painful I cried. Not a single tear either…I would say closer to a small river. I was incredibly tight–so tight that inserting a tampon hurt–and it took me a long while to get used to sex.

If I were you I would (and this may be TMI) get some lube and start with fingering yourself/have your FH finger you. I would say if you can handle two or three fingers you should be fine depending on the size of your FH. Foreplay is a MUST, especially if you plan on having sex the first night. Perhaps a little drinking on your part will nullify the pain.

Good luck!

Post # 45
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@MuchGreater: I’d strongly suggest trying a tampon and even trying to finger yourself (sorry if too graphic), well before the wedding night.  There is a medical condition where the walls of the vagina tighten and you can use graduated dilators to stretch and relax the muscles (if that’s the case for you).  That may not be, but it doesn’t have to be a painful experience.

Check out this:  http://www.passionatecommitment.com/faqs/painful_intercourse.htm

The whole site has a ton of info from a Christian perspective (and books, etc).

Post # 46
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@oracle: That’s good advice! I wish somone had suggested that to me LOL

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