(Closed) For VIRGIN brides…. Honeymoon

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 47
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@Ms. Polar Bear:  your experience makes me so sad. ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ™  I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.  


Post # 48
336 posts
Helper bee

I’m not a virgin, but SO and I both were when we started dating.  (There may be some Too Much Information to follow, but I guess that’s expected in a thread like this.)

Don’t feel as though you have to do anything on the first night.  I have heard you talk in other posts about why so I won’t comment on the benefits of leading up to it, except to say I would expect to feel very overwhelmed if that were me.  SO and I kissed a few days after we started dating back in high school.  It took two weeks to get to “2nd base”, which took me a few days to get comfortable with.  There were over three months between the time we first did below-the-waist things and oral.  It was 8.5 months before we made love.  Because things had progressed at the rate that I was comfortable with, I was not anxious at all.  In fact, he had been ready for many months and he was more nervous than I was!

That said, I did bleed and it hurt… a lot, even though I was extremely calm and we had purposefully tried to strech me out earlier.  Communication helped a ton, as things stayed at my speed and with what I was comfortable with.  As long as you communicate, I’m sure you will be fine.  However, the pain was entirely worth it.  I bled, it felt like I was being ripped (and I suppose my hymen was), and sitting at a certain angle was uncomfortable the next day, but it was amazing.  Don’t let the possibility of pain scare you.

I’m sure you will have a wonderful time on your honeymoon.  Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and enjoy your first vacation as husband and wife!

Post # 49
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I definitely second the suggestion about reading Intended for Pleasure. My husband and I had to read it for premartial counseling and I think it helped a LOT in easing my fears. I would suggest you reading it first, then letting him read it a couple weeks before the wedding. Talk about both of your expectations for the night and your fears. 

Post # 50
3400 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@MuchGreater: I know that from a Christian perspective, there is a timeline for all things romance. But I truly think that it is God’s plan that we ENJOY our partners bodies on our wedding night, & not try to force the idea of sex. I think it’s time you talk to you Fiance about not necessarily having sex on your wedding night, but exploring each others bodies, touching, kissing, licking ect.. It can be totally intimate & pleasurable, and you will not be stressed out your entire wedding day thinking about your first-time jitters. It took SO & I 1.5 months to make love, and I know that in that time we explored & didn’t push anything more than we were each comfortable with. It’s a little much to go from a simple hug one day, to sex the next day…

Post # 51
194 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, lots of advice here so that is great!  My husband and I were virgins on our wedding night (hehe, and probably technically the next day as well!), but I learned a couple of things from our honeymoon.

1.  Lube is good, but do a check before to make sure you are not allergic!  I reacted SO badly to the lubricant that we had that things stung really really badly…we had to wait a while to try again.  Now we use a more natural lube and it is fantastic!

2.  It took us several attempts to even, ahem, get him in (my muscles down there were really tight!)…but the first time we were finally together it was so worth all the attempts and tries.

3.  Be open and really honest with each other.  We mostly enjoyed sleeping together (actually sleeping) our first night, all the while admiring and getting to know each other.  It is so wonderful to finally be able to experience such a sweet level of intimacy…so sex comes of course, but do not feel like it has to happen right away.  There are so many wonderful steps that lead up to that.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 54
10713 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@MuchGreater: Doctor said it’s from hitting a nerve or something… because he’s um large… lol. It doesn’t happen all the time but it doesn’t bother me =D

Post # 55
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Don’t have any specific expectations.  If you are too nervous or expect that it is going to hurt, you will tense up, and then it actually will be more likely to hurt.  I wouldn’t suggest having sex on the first night unless you are really into it.  Work up to that.  Drink a few glasses of wine.

In the 6 or 7 months before your wedding, I would suggest using tampons, and getting to know your own body.  If you aren’t comfortable with masturbation, you should at least get comfortable being naked.  Also, and I am surprised no one has mentioned this, educate yourself on birth control unless you are planning o TTC right away.  Is your FH a virgin too?  Does he know how to properly use a condom?  Do you? I would definitely discuss birth control with your FH.

Have you been to a gynecologist before?  You are supposed to go when you are 18 regardless of whether you are sexually active, so I think you should get that out of the way, and also use it as an opportunity to ask questions.

Post # 60
2088 posts
Buzzing bee

From what I’ve seen it’s about 50/50 for who experiences pain and who doesn’t. I had a very painful experience because a)I was a virgin, b)I had never used tampons, and c)there was very little foreplay beforehand. Definitely start using tampons if you can, it’ll help prepare you for having something else in there ๐Ÿ˜›

Take awhile and explore each other before trying to get it in. Use lube too, that definitely helps get him in more comfortably. (From what I’ve heard from my girlfriends and what I know from my own experience, it’s not the actual sex that hurts the most the first time, it’s him getting inside.)

My first time was very painful, though I didn’t bleed (hymen was already broken). The initial pain was a burning sharp, similar to being cut on the inside – scary, I know, I’m sorry! The couple days after were very sore all over down there, I couldn’t wear jeans for 2-3 days actually. So my advice to you:

Pack lots of skirts/dresses and comfy underwear!! Even if you’re nowhere as sore as I was afterwards, the breeziness and loose material will benefit for sure. 



Post # 61
336 posts
Helper bee

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@Gingersnap: Yes, I second the tampon thing!  I had used them for awhile when I was at my boyfriend’s house and I had to take one from his sisters’ bathroom. It was a super absorbancy, so therefore wider, and it definitely hurt pulling that out.  However, looking back I remember that pain more clearly than the pain of actually having him enter me for the first time, although I know the sex actually did hurt more.  So that must be a plus.


@MuchGreater:  Don’t let me scare you!  Off the top of my head I can think of 5 friends’ comments about their experience and only 2 of us bled/were in pain.  So there’s a 2/3 chance you’ll be fine.  Did you do anything like gymnastics, biking, or horseback riding growing up?  All of those can reduce your hymen.  Or maybe you’re one of the lucky few who was born without one.  I really do have to stress that the pain was worth it… I convinced him to have a second go in the morning haha.

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