(Closed) For VIRGIN brides…. Honeymoon

posted 9 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 63
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Just remember that the way a woman’s body is designed, the vagina expands to fit anything that is inside.  This expanding will happen when you are turned on and take your time.  So it’s not like he is going to rip you in some unnatural way or something.

Post # 64
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m a virgin waiting for my wedding night, too. My worries about it were a real problem for me (going back to before I met my FI) but my doctor helped me get it figured out!

I agree with PPs that you can and should get yourself ready for this by learning about your anatomy, etc. There is a specific condition mentioned earlier called vaginismus, in which sex is extremely painful and sometimes impossible – and it’s caused by fear of sex and lack of of education about the body down there. Most girls find out they have it for the first time when they can’t insert a tampon.

The good news is that it’s very curable and very preventable. What my gyno suggested first of all was getting a hand mirror, shutting yourself in your room, taking your clothes off, sitting on the ground and taking a look at yourself. Sometimes it is helpful to have a textbook or a scientific web page open to help you idenitfy the different outside parts you are looking at, but sometimes it’s not helpful because there are few women who look exactly the way we are depicted in textbooks. It may frustrate, confuse or scare you if you look different and you find it hard to identify what you’re looking at.

When you are comfortable looking at yourself, you can begin gently touching the various areas. This isn’t masturbating, the women I know who have done this found it not the slightest bit pleasurable. It’s not like it is for a man where touching usually results in arousal. If you take a clinical approach to it, it won’t be a sexy experience, at all. When you are touching there, make sure not to “poke” at yourself; rather, use the the pads of your fingers.

Eventually you might want to start dilating with your fingers. This means inserting first one, then two, then maybe three fingers. Again there need be nothing sexual about this. If you ever have a baby or have an annual pap smear (which you def. should do) the doctor will insert two of his or her fingers to examine you. And he/she will not “enjoy” it “that way” in the least and neither will you. Because it’s a medical procedure and not a sex act.

It’s important when dilating this way to use plenty of lubricant and to make sure nails are cut short and hands are washed. It’s also important to practice relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. When the pelvic floor muscles uncosnciously contract because of the fear of imminent penetration, that’s when sex and tampons and so forth become painful.

To relax your pelvic floor muscles, you first have to identify them. The next time you go to the bathroom, try to stop your urine mid-stream. Those muscles you’re pulling up when you try to stop peeing are the pelvic floor muscles. To relax them, you want to push OUT, the OPPOSITE of what you did when you stopped your pee. This is the same motion you’ll be doing if you ever push out a baby! When you push out like that you’re relaxing your pelvic floor and penetration will be a lot less painful, hopefully not painful at all if you and your partner are properly lubricated too.

I’m sorry for writing a novel-length reply but this is all stuff I wish somebody would have told me in sex ed! Sorry if I overshared 😉

Post # 66
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@MuchGreater:

I’m so glad you posted this question!! Everyone’s advice sounds really good. I’ve been pretty nervous about losing my virginity on my wedding night too, but I went to the gynocologist a few weeks ago and it actually helped relieve nearly all the anxiety for sex. It just ended up being slightly uncomfortable and painful for only a moment, so overall it made me realize that type of pain is nothing to dread…i mean, being spread-eagle in a clinic for a stranger with bright lights on hardly compares to being in a romantic room with your husband! So if you can handle a gyno exam, you’ll certainly feel confident you can handle that wedding night 🙂 So I would HIGHLY recommended just mustering all the bravery you can to make that first gyno appointment soon, and then stop thinking about the physical discomfort and focus on the excitement of unveiling a whole new aspect of the man you love. 

But I definitely don’t think it’d be a bad idea to take it really slow that night. If your fiance hasn’t pressured you to do more than hug, I’m sure he’s not going to pressure you to go all the way on that night. Enjoy building up to it together and tapping all the bases before hitting the home-run.  I bet just touching each other in intimate areas for the first time will be extremely romantic and make you forget all your concerns. It will feel so right when the physical level of your relationship gets to catch up with the emotional level, so I guarantee you’ll be fine.

I also think it’d be a good idea to start talking about sex pretty often with each other. If you’re strong enough to set physical boundaries and stick to them, I’m sure you can handle some steamy conversations without giving up your goal and it’d help make you more comfortable with the whole idea of it all. Tell him any sexy ideas you have for the future and have him share his. Also buy yourself at least one piece of lingere you love and try it on regularly to get more and more excited to show him. Remember, he’s so excited that he GETS to see you naked, not that he HAS to.  

Post # 67
Member
31 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was totally tense my first time.  That is what made it hurt. When I realized this it helped to relax, then it got much better.

 

Just remember it’s a normal human activity and you’ll be just fine!Also it helps to be comfortable about your body, because if you are nervous about what he sees or thinks, then it can put a huge damper on the whole situation.

Post # 68
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I haven’t read any of the other posts so forgive me if I repeat some of the things, but I will try to share my own experience the best I can. 

First of all, I’ve only been married for a few months and every time we make love it’s still new! It’s a lot of fun and you need to go into it with that exact thought. We didn’t have sex on our wedding night – we tried but both decided to wait until the next day (the honeymoon). I’m glad we did that, because we were so exhausted and in so much physical pain from all the dancing and wedding day extravaganza, that I cannot imagine how it would have ended up!

Before I say anything about the first time though – if you aren’t experienced sexually I wouldn’t even THINK about intercourse until you two get to know each other’s bodies better. What’s the rush? No need for him to enter you the first night or even week. Explore each other, see what you like, what you don’t. Learn how you like to be touched and how he likes to be touched and don’t rush into the actual deed until you know a bit more about him and he learns about you. Be honest – talk to each other, tell each other what you are feeling, what works and what doesn’t. We still do that and I love it, because it clarifies a lot of misunderstandings. Being open with one another will help you a ton. 

Now about the firs time. I was nervous, but I waited for this for so many years that I was more than ready. When we got to our honeymoon resort we literally did as much as close the doors and it was on. We prepared ourselves by buying some lubricant incase my own lubrication wouldn’t be enough and I’m glad we did. Even though I was lubricated more than enough, the extra lube helped keep things moist for a longer time. I will admit – it was very painful but bearable. Before he entered me we explored each other for well over a half hour but to make things more clear – we were intimate before the wedding in ways other than through intercourse, so we already knew what worked for us and what did not. I was extremely relaxed and I was the one who let him know when I was ready for intercourse. I suggest you concentrate on making love not on the act of intercourse and things will just happen naturally. We spoke about it before and decided that I will tell him how far he can enter and how long he can stay in and that was very helpful. The first time he couldn’t go in too far simply because I was very tight and became uncomfortable early on, but with each time we did it he was able to go in further. I never bled though.  So don’t feel like something is wrong – you might not be one of those girls that bleed. I also suggest that you pee before. That was the most uncomfortable part. It felt like he was pressing against my bladder for the first three weeks right at the initial entrance and throughout the deed. And depending on the position the sensation was stronger or weaker but it took almost a month for it to go away. 

I will say one last thing – I cried and not because of the pain but because of the emotion. It is the best feeling ever to be this intimate with the person you love so much and it’s all worth it! Just again – don’t rush into actual intercourse. There are so many other ways in which you can make love to one another and enjoy each other. It will help you relax and will help you actually look forward to the act of intercourse rather than being completely afraid of it. Finally, don’t expect anything extraordinary or in fact anything at all. Just let things flow and remember that you’ll both be learning so it will probably not be like a movie scene and there is nothing wrong with that. Good luck and enjoy this wonderful time of exploration!!

Post # 69
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I was a virgin on my wedding night too and one of the things I learned (but didn’t completely comprehend til after) was not to make sex your big deal during the honeymoon. Not only was I nervous I’d do it wrong, but after the first time it hurt! And the next several times as well. I hope for your sake that you’re not in pain!!

It takes you awhile to get used to having sex, you will not be a pro the first time. I think you mentioned your future husband is a virgin as well…that’s a great advantage because he will have nothing to compare to either so that should take away from the nervous factor.

Have you guys fooled around at all? I’m not encouraging that for you guys right now, but when it comes down to the wedding night, it might be like “WHOA” to go from nothing to everything. I had done other stuff before marriage and it really helped me with the being naked thing and other insecurities that come along with it. You may not want to have sex the first night you’re married…you could work your way up to it. Whether you have it that night or not, I’d suggest taking things SLOW. You guys have waited a long time for this and you want it to be special, so you shouldn’t rush anything.

Post # 75
Member
826 posts
Busy bee

Your gynecologist will know you’re a virgin before she examines you.  You have to give her your sexual history before the exam.  Gynecologists generally go easy on virgins, I think.  Sometimes they even use a smaller speculum.  

Post # 76
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

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@MuchGreater: That’s awesome. Although I don’t know you, I’m proud of you for your choices…it’s very rare to see that anymore!

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