- 4 months ago
- Wedding: October 2018
Okay, so i’m going to try to make this very very long story short because I need some damn advice as I’m starting to drive myself insane. This particular girl is dating my Fiance brother. She has been in my life for about 7 years, and if you ask her, we are the best of friends. From the very beginning I was a little off put by her. She would agree with all my opinions, like all the same things, even stated she had the same damn allergies as me. Whatever, i assumed that because she was younger than me and i was out of highschool at the time and had a car she was just trying to impress the older girl.
As the months and years went on, she would constantly make little digs, and spread little lies to my Fiance sisters and mother. At one point she had the entire family against me by saying that i was talking shit about them (the youngest sister is my best friend and maid of honor, and his older sister and i are extremely close now) it turned into a big fight between the older sister and i, where the truth came out and she told me what was being said. The older sister since then has apologized for believing her.
Fast forward a few years, she is still making little side comments and digs towards my self esteem; i spent a long time trying to learn to not pay attention and to not let it get to me, but i felt because this girl was tall and skinny and (at the time i thought) prettier than me, that her words held some sort of value. After my fathers suicide i kind of let go of all the drama (a lot more to explain but lets try to keep this shorter) and realized life is too short to care about the words coming out of the mouths of others. But this girl continued to use my life, experiences, and hardships as stories for her to tell others. She told random people about my fathers suicide and told me about all the pats on the back she got about how hard it must be to go through this with a friend, and how amazing of a friend she is to me…. she used my brief battle with depression as a story for another person deciding whether or not to use shrooms. (makes no sense whatsoever i know) I have driven this girl all over the state so that she can date my Fiance brother, and not have such a difficult start like my Fiance and i did. I have let her use my car for weeks at a time to get to work, honeslty the list goes on for miles. And yes, i know that i can’t do things for people and assume that they are going to treat me with the same type of care, however, i do expect a certain level of respect.
So now when Fiance and i got engaged, she insisted on being a bridesmaid. She was half-hearted excited (again i know not to expect others to feel as happy as i do when it comes to my happiness) and making little digs again. Every time i would try to get her involved with the dress shopping, the flowers and what not, she would be against everything that i liked and kept talking about how she would do it when its her turn. Everything is always “when its my turn”, i got bought myself a new car: “its my turn now” i got a raise, “its my turn”. Its never, congrats! or thats awesome!. Its alway “My turn” or “oh cool” and then her staring at her cell phone and blowing me off…
So basically, i need advice on how to act or handle the situation. I’ve been just being the bigger person, and killing with kindness, i have tried calmly confronting her on the issues and have had to deal with her crying hysterically and saying ” i can’t believe thats how you feel about me” instead of, i’m sorry i made you feel that way, or even just an i’m sorry won’t happen again. I will be honest with you, i want to be a bitch. I want her to feel all the hurt that she forced me to feel just because she was angry that my Fiance family likes me better than her. I can not ask her to step down either, as her boyfriend is my Fiance brother, and he is the one marrying us. Any words of wisdom is greatly appreciated. Has anyone else had someone this toxic forced on them?