Forced Bridesmaid- Long History of issues

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t really understand what all the negatives she has actually done to you, and I don’t know why you continue to pursue such an involved friendship with her if you don’t even like her?  Why drive her “all over the state” or give her your car for weeks at a time?

You don’t have to have someone as a bridesmaid if you don’t want to but you both sound as petty and bad as each other. 

Post # 4
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

What do you mean by “little digs”? And how did she turn the family against you?

Post # 5
Hostess
3221 posts
Sugar bee

This sounds like such an unhealthy clusterfuck of a relationship. She may be dating your FIs brother, but that doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with her. Based on all that you’ve written – the ugly childish backstabbing, the attempts to emotionally manipulate you, sharing private and painful things which were not hers to tell – why are you okay with having this woman in your life? You are choosing to participate in the crazy. Time to let it go and move on.

Post # 6
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

pallas :  pallas :  Pursued in the sense that you both played an active part in this relationship. I have driven this girl all over the state so that she can date my Fiance brother, and not have such a difficult start like my Fiance and i did. It doesn’t sound like it was forced on you at all? 

I want her to feel all the hurt that she forced me to feel just because she was angry that my Fiance family likes me better than her. That is petty to me.  Unless you have left out all the awful things she has done to you, but based on your post all this drams just seems unnecessary. 

If she continues to share personal things about your life to other people why are you still sharing information with her? 

Post # 8
Member
1906 posts
Buzzing bee

You don’t have to be her BFF.  You don’t even have to be friendly to her, aside from being basically civil.  You don’t need to chauffer her ass all over the place and you don’t need to have her in your wedding party.

I mean this in the best possible way:  it would be a good idea if you got more comfortable asserting your boundaries and saying the word “no”.  Another great phrase is, “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me/us.”  

Post # 9
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

pallas :  grow some ovaries and stop being a doormat. no one can “insist on being a bridesmaid.” YOU choose who you bridesmaids are; no one gets to demand to be part of your wedding party. the reason she’s a bridesmaid is because YOU ALLOWED HER TO BE. if you dont like her, you should not have put her in your bridal party.

Post # 10
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I know someone at work like this. You just have to remember, this girl is not your friend. Don’t say anything to her you wouldn’t want repeated, and take everything she says to you with a grain of salt as well. Hopefully your future SILs have the same thought.

 

Did anyone confront her? I would think if Future Sister-In-Law is like, Girlfriend, you told me Pallas said this about me, was that true, and you’re all standing right there, I think it would be pretty clear who was lying. If there is generally a lot of gossiping between family members and everyone avoids a direct confrontation, maybe that’s how she’s operating.

Post # 13
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

pallas :  there’s a differece between being polite and letting people walk all over you. smiling and beind cordial at family dinners is being polite. allowing her to be a bridesmaid because she declared herself one is being a doormat. practice saying no, and repeating it. you dont have to offer explanations, even if she asks for them. if she asks if you can drive her someplace tell her, “no, i’m unavaiable”. if she asks why not/what youre doing/etc just repeat “im unavailable”. she’ll probably get frustrated or bitchy, but doesnt matter. just keep repeating “im unavailable”. offer nothing else – because that’s engaging further in her behavior.

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