(Closed) forced STD = invite?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would invite her its just one guest.  

Post # 4
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think you’re a bad person. There are times that we’re put on the spot like that. If you ever bump into her and she says anything, just politely lie that you’re so sorry and honestly say you didn’t have her address. Perhaps consider setting up a filter on your FB that excludes her from wedding posts. I did that with certain people.

Post # 5
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you’ve really got to invite her. You’re not a bad person for not wanting to – she did put you in an awkward spot with the STD – but an STD is a precursor to an invite pretty much without exception. It’s one person, you really won’t even notice on the day of the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

The time to say something was when she assumed she was being invited…  Not only did you not say anything, but you confirmed that she was a guest by handing her the STD.  Forced or not, it came directly from your hands.  (I have an issue that my mom sent out some unauthorized save the date emails….I was pissed, but we’re ultimately inviting everyone even though we didn’t personally invite.)

I would invite her – but – invite without the boyfriend.  Maybe she’ll choose not to come as a result.

Post # 8
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are you a bad person if you don’t invite her? No.

But are you prepared for the consequences?
(Worst case scenario: She will think–with some reason!– that you are rude, she will probably gossip about you, conveniently leaving out the part where she forced a STD, she might decide she doesn’t want to be friends at all [is that ok with you?] and if you do ever see her again, it will probably be reallllllly awkward.) If that’s worse than having to invite her and pay for her dinner or whatever, then go ahead!

Post # 9
Member
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would just go ahead and send her an invitation.  She may not even end up being able to attend.  You’ll find that your decline rate is probably going to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 percent, so you’ll probably be OK by following through on your STD and inviting her to the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@thanlon_88: Sorry…that wasn’t really a forced STD…you got up and gave her one. If you give out an STD, you need to invite her to the wedding. I’m with PP who said that the time to say something was when she assumed she was invited to your wedding.

Post # 11
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree that you should invite her. If you have drifted apart, there’s a good chance she won’t come.

Post # 13
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I myself recieved an STD AND an invite to a wedding.  Then an email telling me that they deicded I wasn’t invited anymore due to guest limit, not even the decency of a phone call, just a two sentence email.  And I had already booked airfare and accomodation.  I was ssooo pissed off, and as a result my cousin and I no longer speak.

So I have been on the recieving end of it, and it does hurt.

Does the STD have the details of where and when the wedding is?  If its just a generic date then you can probably slide it past with just hurting her feelings.  However if all the info is on there, you run the risk of her turning up anyway.  Maybe you could contact her and chat to her about guest list limitations and the like.  Let her down gently.

Its one thing to not be invited to a wedding, but to be invited and then uninvited is really pretty shitty.

Post # 14
Member
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Firie:  Wow. That is terrible. I hope you were/are able to apply the cost of those airline tickets (and whatever you were planning to provide to the couple as a wedding gift) to a nice little vacation for yourself.  

Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You could always send it out at the last possible polite day to send out an invite.  It’s also not your fault if the invite gets lost in the mail >.>  I shouldn’t joke like that, especially since that actually did happen to my friend.  She invited our friend A but A never replied so she had to call to find out the RSVP info.  She was annoyed about it until two days before the wedding when she got the invite returned in the mail; it had never been delivered.

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